


Hear My Soul Speak

by AnJoanGrey



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and severe angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom!Leonard McCoy, Complete, D/s, Dominance/submission, Dominant!Spock, Kafeh Bond, M/M, Master / Servant to Lovers, Mind melds, Non-sexual Dominance/submission, Prince!Spock, Spock will be Leonard's Master for a while, Submissive!Leonard McCoy, Vulcan Bonds, You Have Been Warned, top!spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:38:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 45,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10590387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnJoanGrey/pseuds/AnJoanGrey
Summary: Spock of Vulcan, heir to King Sarek, agrees to assist the Federation in dangerous negotiations with hostile species. He joins the Enterprise under one condition: that he may pick a Kafeh (a servant in Vulcan tradition, a bearer of a low bond of submission) from the crew, to assist him with his personal needs. He chooses one who would be mad, furious, exasperated, angry, who would eventually learn submission from his Vulcan hands and perhaps, together, they will learn what love is and how it can transform the souls, the minds, the lives of those touched by it. Even when it seems helpless.Will update during the weekend, each week.





	1. Seeing You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nikte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikte/gifts).



> Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you,  
> Did my heart fly at your service.  
> (Shakespeare - The Tempest – Act 3, Scene 1)

“Gentlemen,” Jim began – “this is not easy. In fact, this is by far the most stupid and shameful thing I have ever had to do, but we have no choice. The fate of our entire quadrant is in our hands.”

“Calm down, Jim,” Leonard scolded him even if all the senior officers were present – “and tell us what’s going on. Whatever it is, we’ll fix this mess, we’re in it together.”

Jim sighed. He wished things were that simple.

“The Dominion invasion is imminent. As soon as they are passing over the border, onto our space, there is no way we can fight them and push them back, even if we gather all our Fleet, with help from all our allies.”

“Why do they want to cross into Alpha Quadrant? They have two other quadrants completely uninhabited, what could they possibly want with us? Do we know if they are dangerous?” Scotty inquired.

“We know nothing so far. It has been impossible to communicate with their leader, although we did try – and they tried too – their language is incomprehensible. We have got to find a way to communicate with them, to let them know they are unwelcome here, but that we desire no conflicts, and to peacefully redirect them onto the Gamma Quadrant.”

“How are we going to manage that if we cannot even say _Hello_ to these people?”

“We found a… specialist,” Jim said hesitatingly.

“I already don’t like this,” Leonard mumbled, because he knew his friend well, whenever he talked on that tone, as if he wanted to excuse himself for what he was about to say, that was not good.

“Not only that you won’t like this, but you’ll hate it, I promise you. Here’s the deal. We obtained a Vulcan and – “

“Whoa, whoa. We _obtained_ a Vulcan?” Nyota interjected.

“Yeah. We thought that only someone from a highly telepathic species could interact and communicate with the Dominion leader, to negotiate for us. So… we tried our luck with the Vulcans.”

Murmurs filled the room.

“Do enlighten me,” Leonard rolled his eyes. “What’s so special about them?”

“They are a rather xenophobic species. They do not really want to communicate with anyone at all, because the non-telepathic species are inferior in their eyes; apparently, they make them tired. For years, we had no business with them. They allowed no ships to land on Vulcan, they only sent regularly security-related updates, and that was all. Only in the past years, their King, Sarek of Vulcan, agreed to be a member of the Federation Council but he is cold, inaccessible, rarely talks to anyone…”

“What a nightmare,” Sulu said angrily, because any species who believed themselves to be superior brought back many bad memories from mankind’s own past.

“Anyway, as soon as the Vulcans realized they would also be in danger in case of an invasion, they quickly became friendlier…”

“Like, their King said five words instead of two?”

“You are not entirely wrong, Bones, something like that,” Jim smiled to dissipate some of the tension a bit. “They offered to assist in negotiations and King Sarek is lending us his son for this mission.”

“I heard he is sublimely beautiful,” Nyota could not help herself, because Vulcans were legends, surreally beautiful beings you could only dream to see once in a life-time, if you were very lucky…

“And a sublime pain in the ass too,” Jim continued unhappily. “The damn prince is going to come on-board in a few moments. We are going to proceed straight to the border, to rendez-vous with the Dominion lead-ship. It is a six-day journey at Warp 9. The Vulcan wants a – um… oh hell,” Jim said running his hands through his hair.

“What?” Leonard asked exasperatedly. “Ambassadorial quarters? Golden forks? Crystal-made glasses? A Jacuzzi? What the hell does he want? We’ll manage, don’t wear yourself out like this, really.”

“Yes, Captain,” Scotty also said. “Jus’ stop worrying and tell us what his requirements are, we have transported Princes before. And Ambassadors and Kings. How hard can this be?”

“He wants a servant,” Jim finally said.

He made a short pause and no one said anything, each of them contemplating the unusual request.

“Okay, he’s a prince, it is pretty normal to want a servant,” Sulu said. “Why doesn’t he bring his own servant from home?”

“He wants to pick one of us. He required that when he arrives, we wait for him, and he will choose one of us, except me, because I must still run this mission and this ship.”

“So, we’ll be like in an exhibition and he’ll pick one of us as a slave?”

“ _Servant_ , not _slave_ , really, Bones. The Vulcan word is _Kafeh_. He would have life and death privileges, according to the Vulcan custom, upon the being.”

Nyota could hardly conceal her excitement. Perhaps he would pick her! Why not? She was the only female, she was beautiful, smart, she could speak Vulcan…

“Bloody gremlins,” Leonard cursed. “Exactly what we needed.”

“Look, ladies, gentlemen,” Jim resumed. “I can understand your frustration, this is a very unusual situation. If any of you wants to skip being chosen, because any of you might – I have no idea how Vulcans function, really, and if he is going to pick one person as if from a catalogue – just stand up and leave this room now. He had said he would choose one person from those who would welcome him upon beaming up. You don’t wanna take the risk, just leave now. There will be no consequences from my behalf.”

Strangely, no one stood up to leave – and it was not because they were curious and excited but because they were loyal to their Captain, faithful to their duty and willing to do anything to contribute to the safety of mankind and of their quadrant.

Jim looked at them proudly.

“Let me point it out once again that if the Vulcan chooses you, he is entitled to do anything to you and I will not interfere – except, of course, if he mistreats you and puts your life at risk – which I really doubt would happen as they are a completely non-violent species.”

“What’s the worst thing which can happen?” Scotty asked pensively.

“I imagine that the worst thing which can happen is to desire to use the person for his own pleasure? I am only speculating here,” Leonard said – “but in that regard, I believe Pavel should actually leave the room as he is not even 18 yet and cannot give valid consent for this.”

Jim frowned – he had not thought about this. So far, they WERE speculating, yes, but Leonard had a point.

“Mr. Chekov, go to the Bridge. You will not take part in this.”

“But Keptin – “

“NOW, Mr. Chekov. Dismissed!”

“Okey…” he said mildly, because he adored and worshipped his Captain and he did not want to upset him.

“As for everyone else, let me just say that everything which will happen will take place only if you give your consent. Say _No_ if you do not want something to happen and no one will be able to force you – unless they want me to break their neck, no matter the consequences.”

Jim was serious and they loved him even more – if such a thing was even possible.

“Any other questions?”

There were no other questions, so Jim stood up.

“Very well, then! To the transporter room. The Vulcan arrives in 7 minutes.”

As he would do in every occasion, Jim led the way, walking proudly in front of his little army of brave men and women who were ready to do anything within their power to accomplish their mission.

Jim was upset. Apart from the danger that they were facing, they had to now endure the moods and the strange requests of a being which would most certainly drive them nuts for the next days. But what could he do? He wished he could just volunteer and get over with – but no, the Vulcan prince had to choose! He could even imagine him, stopping and studying each crewman from head to toes, sniffing them eventually – okay, he was overimagining things now.

They all arrived in the transporter room and Jim had everyone align on two rows, thus creating a passageway for the guest, like when important political figures and ambassadors were welcomed aboard. Jim was wearing the splendid dress-uniform which magnificently enhanced the blue colour of his eyes. He operated the transporter sequence himself and seconds after, the silhouette of their guest recomposed on the transporter padd.

“Greetings, Your Excellency, and welcome aboard the Starship Enterprise! We are grateful you could join us for this trip and mission.”

The Vulcan descended from the transporter padd and advanced towards Jim, stopping in front of him and looking straight into his eyes with a firm, piercing look.

“Captain. Please, call me Spock. Allow me to place myself at your disposal for the duration of this mission,” he said handing Jim a padd. “Here are my qualifications. Should you identify anything which is useful to you and your crew, do not hesitate to summon me. I have come to serve.”

Okay, Jim thought. THIS was the bastard they were warned about, they had worried so much about? He seemed modest, well-prepared, not moody in the least and… very, very beautiful, God damn it, and Jim just wanted to volunteer then, in that very moment to – whatever the Vulcan wanted. Oh, God damn it.

“Thank you, Mr. Spock,” he said however. “Your words of friendship bring us all great joy. You shall be taken to see your quarters and settle in, and then I shall accompany you in a tour of the ship.”

Perhaps he had forgotten about the _Kafeh_ thing, Jim thought! If he made him think of other things, who knew, perhaps the Vulcan would skip the dreaded moment when he had to pick someone. Jim could –

“You are most gracious, Captain. As I shall serve with you, I shall take advantage of this moment to salute my colleagues and let them know that I have no need, nor desire to be treated as a prince. Therefore, I would be grateful if you all called me Spock.”

Murmurs of approval and admiration filled the room and Spock passed among them, talking with Jim about their forthcoming mission.

Spock slowed down only for a brief moment when he arrived near Leonard, and with a gesture which was natural and noble altogether, he lifted his left hand and touched his face for a moment.

It had been almost a caress, but it froze Leonard’s heart as he felt the tips of his fingers touching precise points on his cheek, a touch that had no element of randomness whatsoever; the Vulcan had known what he was doing with the certainty of a surgeon, and Leonard felt his mind, his consciousness invaded by something he could not define. Hooks had been placed in his mind; a strong hand had taken hold of his consciousness and Leonard knew, that very moment, he had been chosen.

He simply left his place in the row and followed Jim and Spock, and for some reason, his heart sank.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Hating You

Leonard followed Spock and Jim through the ship for a long tour. Jim was extremely affable towards the Vulcan and seem to do his very best to get his attention. Leonard had known Jim for a long time and he had never seen him so agitated and so... interested in someone. Could it be that Jim had... fallen in love? It was possible, to say the least, because Jim was an extraordinary person, and Spock, the Vulcan, seemed equally... fantastic. Therefore...

Leonard hoped that Jim would not get hurt in all of this mess. Because he himself cared for Jim, he was his best friend, almost his brother, he could not even stand the thought that someone could hurt Jim. He was grateful that the Vulcan had chosen him and not another crew-member and he was quite content that Jim had not done any crazy thing like...  _volunteering_  to take Leonard's place or saying something really bad to the Vulcan, threaten or warn him or...

"I would like to go to my quarters, now, Captain," the Vulcan spoke, on a beautiful, calm tone. "I will change into Starfleet Uniform and join you on the Bridge for the next shift - which is, I believe, the Beta Shift as you call it?"

"That is correct, Mr. Spock. I am looking forward to the shift together," Jim said, and a wonderful blush coloured his cheeks.

Leonard just wanted to punch him. No, to punch them both.

"Show me the way to my quarters, Kafeh."

Leonard took a deep breath. Did the bastard just call him  _Kafeh_?? In the middle of a crowded corridor? Okay, okay, okay, he needed to calm down. The Vulcan did not even know his name. Still, he wanted to just hit him straight in the face. He proceeded to walk towards the Vulcan's quarters and once in front of the door he looked at him with defying eyes.

"Put your hand on the scanner to unlock the door," he ordered him. He'd be damned, if the Vulcan gave him orders, then Leonard would also give him orders with every damn occasion!

Spock looked at Leonard for a few seconds, with his dark, impenetrable eyes. He then placed his hand on the scanner and the door opened. The room lit up as the Vulcan entered and Leonard remained, cautious, in the doorway. He did not really feel like remaining alone with him... in one room... despite of the fact that he knew the Vulcan race was not known to be dangerous. 

Truth was, Leonard resented him. He resented any being which thought it was normal to have others serve you, even though his own protectiveness towards the crew made him also feel grateful he had been the one chosen, because he'd be damned - the Vulcan won't traumatize anyone else!!

Spock looked through the room calmly. There was a dresser, a small bathroom, a small bed and a sofa near the window. Also, a small table with two chairs.

"Prepare a frugal meal for me, Kafeh. Fruit and two slices of bread, water," the Vulcan said on the same tone.

"The replicator's over there. Come, I will teach you how to use it."

The Vulcan turned towards Leonard, measuring him from head to toes.

"I have asked you to do this, and this is exactly what you will do, Kafeh."

"Call me  _Kafeh_  one more time and -"

But Leonard could not finish the sentence as a sharp, stinging pain traversed his head, his entire being. What the hell??? Was he having an aneurysm??

Spock advanced towards him slowly and the pain only intensified.

"It will hurt," he spoke firmly. "Every word you speak which is not considerate will hurt. The smallest disobedience will hurt. The very thought of disobeying me will hurt."

“How are you even doing this???”

“When I chose you, I placed a bond in your mind. It will remain for the duration of my mission here. Through it, I will teach you to obey me, Kafeh. Through pain if necessary. I was hoping not to do this, however,” Spock continued calmly.

"Fucking bastard..."

The pain intensified to such a degree, that Leonard fell on his knees.

Spock took a fistful of his hair and lifted his head brutally, looking straight into his eyes.

"I have chosen you to serve me, to obey me and this is exactly what you will do. If I tell you to cook, you will cook. If I tell you to open a door for me, you will do exactly that. If I tell you to sleep on the floor, or to cease speaking, you will obey me accordingly."

He stopped for a moment, observing the hatred in the Human's eyes.

"I will make the pain stop now, and you will tell me if you believe you cannot do this. I will release you from the bond I have placed in your mind and ask your Captain to replace you. He is my next option."

"NO," Leonard managed.

"No?" Spock repeated, letting go of his hair and lifting his chin.

"No."

"Therefore, you will behave."

"Yeah, okay."

" _Yes, Master_ , _"_ Spock corrected him.

Leonard was sure he had never hated anyone as much as he hated Spock right now, in his entire life. He hated him so much that he did not even feel the stinging pain in his head. He H A T E D him. But he will not let him do this to Jim. He will not let him humiliate Jim like this.

"Yes, Master," he managed to say, at last.

The pain stopped all of a sudden, being replaced by pure, calming relief, as if his own brain had suddenly transformed into snowflakes. 

The Vulcan's fingers aligned on his face and he felt the bond become heavier and his hold on him tighter. The bastard was adding more chains. 

"Your tasks, Kafeh, will not be difficult, and certainly not humiliating. If you believe I am here to mock at you, then you are an idiot and I was wrong when I chose you."

Strangely, Leonard felt ashamed.

"I expect good discipline, good manners in public and submission to the very last detail when we are alone. Do not presume to cross me again."

"You will call me  _Leonard_ , and not  _Kafeh_ ," Leonard said, gathering his force and energy again and ready for round two of confrontation.

"This is a privilege you will have to earn."

"I will not forgive you for these words," Leonard said, looking deeply into his eyes, as if touched by a premonition.

"We are not making a contest. Now stand up, Kafeh, and do what I told you to do. My shift begins soon."

Leonard stood up angrily, he had not even realized so far that the entire discussion had taken place while he was on his knees. DAMN HIM! Damn him.

He decided to calm himself - the Vulcan was strong and had many unknown... powers, as well as the ability to inflict pain. When he thought about the possibility of him picking Jim as a replacement, he shuddered. Jim had been through very much and through years of torture and pain on Tarsus. He'd be damned if he allowed any more pain for that kid! He took a few deep breaths. He decided to just follow orders - after all, he was a Starfleet officer and this was a mission and he had things to accomplish. 

He went to the replicator and proceeded to input a few commands, resisting the first impulse to poison the Vulcan bastard. He replicated a banana, some grapes and oranges and a few slices of bread, making sure everything was nutritious and tasty. 

Spock came out of the bathroom, went to the dresser and put a uniform, after which he joined Leonard, he sat down and started eating. 

Leonard found something to do around the replicator. He added more fruit for his diet and some other foods.

"Are you a vegetarian?"

"Yes," Spock replied.

They had managed two calm sentences. Leonard felt it was a small victory, somehow.

“Why?”

Spock gave him a quizzical look.

“Why am I a vegetarian?”

“Yes. Why are you a vegetarian?”

“I value life above all else, _all life._ I cannot eat that which was someone’s child.”

Leonard shuddered. Of all the reasons for being a vegetarian, this one had been formulated in such a way that it gave him chills.

“You have equal respect towards life, I saw it in your mind.”

“You saw the contents of my entire mind?”

“I did.”

Once more, Leonard felt somehow ashamed, because there were many things he was not very proud of. The Vulcan was well aware of the fact that he despised and hated him. But he could not push those feelings away; in other circumstances, he may have even liked the Vulcan; but given what they were just living, he could not, he simply could not. Things could have been so different. The Vulcan could have come aboard and ask for an assistant; not a Kafeh, not a slave, not someone he could inflict pain to, not someone who would so easily land on his knees in front of him. The Vulcan could have had a normal behaviour.

But then again, how many of the Humans had a _normal_ behaviour and _what exactly_ was normal? He found it difficult to answer to the question.

As Spock finished eating, Leonard proceeded to put the empty plates back in the replicator. He felt like a waiter! Leonard McCoy, the doctor known in the entire quadrant for his life-saving medical procedures, surgeries and treatments, the very man who had found the cure for the Phage, for Alzheimer’s and for the Talarian Flu, the person who had brought Jim Kirk back from the dead by performing a delicate blood transfusion – the author of three treaties translated into 40 languages, the Chief Medical Officer of the bloody flag-ship of the Federation – was attending to a power-crazed alien’s needs. It hurt.


	3. Apologizing To You

Leonard tried to arrange the shifts so that he would be with Spock for as little as possible. When Spock would be on the Bridge, he thought, he would be free; subsequently, when Spock would be free, Leonard would be in Sickbay.

Unfortunately, things do not always go as planned. An accident in Engineering kept Leonard in Sickbay for ten hours straight. He was barely standing, when the doors opened and Spock entered Sickbay.

Leonard wanted nothing more than to snap at him, but just then – his patient went into shock and, seconds after, in cardiac arrest.

“We’re losing him!!” his assistant, M’Benga, said, uselessly trying to adjust different wires and substances and handing Leonard different tools.

His anger forgotten, Leonard clenched his teeth to chase the exhaustion away and began working frantically. He had never lost a patient in his entire life and he was not planning to start now, damn it!!!

Spock had remained still near the door, watching carefully as Leonard had jumped on the bed, straddling his patient between his legs and proceeding to perform a very old-fashioned CPR, compressing his chest with his hands rhythmically.

“Open chest cardiac massage,” Leonard said extending one hand towards M’Benga who had no idea what instruments to give him.

“I am not trained for this, Leonard!!!” he said, white with fear.

“Damn it man!!! Give me a fucking scalpel!!!”

But Leonard, while trained into 20th and 21st century emergency medicine procedures, which he had studied out of passion, was forgetting that his young colleagues only knew how to manoeuvre the complicated tools which they had now – scanners and tricorders and various other devices which sometimes – most of the times – proved to be inefficient.

Spock saw the young assistant’s inability to help Leonard. He came closer and pushed M’Benga away.

“What are you doing, man??” Leonard snapped at him.

“I will help you.”

Spock was going to help him? That heartless, insensitive bastard? How could he help him, he needed someone who… who would anticipate his thoughts, who would know what instruments to give him, who would be fearless and calm and let him work.

“Look at me,” Spock ordered, calmly, from the other side of the biobed.

“What, now?” Leonard snapped at him again, but as soon as he lifted his head, Spock quickly aligned his fingers on Leonard’s face, in a deep, quick-probing meld, extracting from his mind the information he needed to assist him. Immediately after, he proceeded to give Leonard the instruments he needed, in the correct order.

“Dammit man,” Leonard, with relief. “Damned green-blooded hobgoblin. Put on some gloves, at least.”

Spock did not comment. He silently put on gloves and continued to assist Leonard, correctly and efficiently. He was watching him work and wondered how such a thing was even possible – to make a large incision on someone’s chest, to pull the skin and bones aside, and to manually restart an injured heart. Vulcans had a different medical system and he had read about the practice on various other worlds; but what he saw here – the passion, the dedication and the strong will to save the endangered life – made him realize that his Kafeh was no ordinary being.

Leonard continued to work – he had stabilized his patient and he was working to repair the injury so that he could move him to the operating room without risking another failure.

“Um. Thanks. I need to take him to the O.R.”

“When will you finish?” Spock inquired, on his ever-so-calm tone that made Leonard want to punch him repeatedly.

“In about two hours,” he answered – what the hell did he want now, hadn’t he seen how his life unfolded?”

“Very well. Come to me when you are finished.”

“Listen – “

“Do not,” Spock interrupted him. “Do not say something uselessly stupid. You will come to me when you are done here, as I have ordered you.”

“F i n e,“ Leonard said spitting every letter out with anger.

Spock removed the gloves and threw them in a bin, after which he washed his hands and left the Sickbay.

Leonard, who was still on the bed, with his hands in his patient’s chest, required to be moved to the operating room as he was. Only there, as he had passed through the sterilizing shower, and someone helped him put on a mask, he slowly got down and proceeded to work. Things were easy now, as the modern tools were actually helpful in regenerating and reconstructing of the damaged aorta. He spent way more time in the OR than he would usually do – was he avoiding going to Spock? He sure as hell was! He closed the surgery himself and washed his hands thoroughly, after which, tired beyond words, he went out of the Sickbay.

He bumped straight into Jim.

“Heya Bones, was coming to see you.”

“I hope you are not sick, injured or hangover, because I am no longer functioning.”

“No, no… was worried about you, in fact.”

“Nah don’t be. Just a usual shift. Richie’s out of danger.”

“I heard about the whole thing and how Spock helped,” Jim said, testing the waters carefully, trying to ascertain his friend’s mood in regard to _the problem._

“Yeah, it was good for Richie. He would have died, no one was capable of assisting me.”

Jim took his arm as they were walking on the long corridors.

“How are things, Bones?”

“What things?” Leonard pretended not to understand because he really, really, really did not want to have this conversation right now.

Jim rolled his eyes.

“With Spock. How are things? Is he mistreating you?”

“Are you kidding?” Leonard braced himself. He hated this discussion. “He is not mistreating me in the least. They are completely non-violent and you saw yourself – I mean you heard what he’d done earlier. He’s okay, really. Don’t worry. You like him, don’t you?” Leonard was trying to change the subject, or at least to deviate it.

“I do… I do. I just… what sorts of things he asks you to do?”

“Oh, nothing much, just to individualize his diet since he can’t eat most of our stuff, you know, he’s vegetarian,” Leonard said, avoiding any other _insights_. They were approaching Spock’s quarters where Leonard had been summoned.

“Are you going to see him now?” Jim asked with curiosity.

“Yeah, he said I should stop by in the evening, probably to help him with food, also I promised I would teach him how to use the replicator. They don’t have this kind of technology on Vulcan.”

Leonard actually chimed. He wanted Jim to go, he did not want Spock to notice him too well. He had to keep Jim safe and away from that power-crazed bastard.

Spock opened the door almost immediately. He looked as if he was ready to just grab Leonard and pull him inside, but he spotted Jim and straightened.

“Captain. Good evening, It is good to see you.”

“Mr. Spock! Very good to see you too! I was walking with Bo- I mean, with Leonard, and thought I’d stop by to say hi.”

“Thank you, Captain, it is very considerate of you.”

Spock did not know what else to say, since he as completely clueless when it came to small talk.

“Well, good night, Jim, try to rest, you have an early shift tomorrow,” Leonard said trying to save everyone from the situation and get on with whatever the Vulcan wanted, because very honestly, he was exhausted.

Jim looked somewhat disappointed, but no invitation had been extended to _come inside_ , therefore he told them good night and left.

“Kafeh…” Spock said, signalling him to come in and closing the door behind them.

“What?” Leonard said, dead-tired by now and not minding his words, not his manners, anymore.

Spock advanced towards him, and Leonard walked backwards until he hit a wall.

Spock took a good hold of his wrists with one hand, and aligned the fingers of his other hand on his right cheek, on those meld points he now knew by heart.

He needed to meld. He needed – neededneeded to meld, the absence of melding and the distance from Leonard – which weakened their highly unstable bond – were rendering him completely ill.

Leonard felt his hand trembling from effort and… starvation, it was as if he had not been fed for days in a row. Their minds had touched violently and it provoked Leonard a sudden headache, but since he was Human and thus had zero-telepathic abilities, he did not perceive the in-depth contact. Still, he felt Spock’s presence in his mind somehow, and even if heavy and strong, it was not intrusive; Spock was resting in his mind, he was not reading his thoughts – and Leonard began to understand a bit what _melding_ was all about.

“You need to meld with me in order to be well, right?” Leonard inquired.

“Yes,” Spock acknowledged, even though it was sensitive information which placed him in a rather vulnerable position.

“Why with me in particular?”

“Because you are the bearer of my bond.”

“So, you need to meld with the person you gave a bond.”

“Affirmative.”

“Fascinating!!” Leonard found himself exclaiming. “So how about you treat me a bit better?”

Leonard’s suggestion was followed by sharp, familiar pain. Okay – it was difficult to educate the Vulcan. But the truth was, this time around the Vulcan had not done anything rude or offending – he was feeling ill, Leonard could tell, and he just wanted to meld, which was okay. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been a jerk himself, Leonard thought.

“Sorry, okay? Peace.”

But Spock abruptly disengaged the meld – and it hurt – and pushed Leonard away.

“Go. I cannot go on this way, go.”

“Whoa now,” Leonard panicked – because he remembered the Vulcan’s threat – if he was found unacceptable, if he failed, Spock would replace Leonard with Jim – and that would happen only over Leonard’s Dead Body. “Let’s calm down here, sorry, Master, I apologize,” he spluttered, coming to him and taking his hand, not knowing what to do.

“You will leave. I cannot go on this way. I gave you a bond of submission, I cannot bear such manners and such –“

Leonard fell on his knees, still holding Spock’s hand, placing it against his own cheek.

“I Am Sorry, Master,” he said as clear and as soft as he could. “I apologize. I am learning, this is very new for me. Okay? Please. Let’s take things slowly.”

Spock looked as if shivering, but he slowly-slowly calmed down; it may have been the sight of Leonard on his knees, or perhaps his words, or a combination of both.

“Why don’t you lie down on the bed, and I’ll be near you, close, and you’ll be comfortable and you can meld with me all night long?”

Spock’s eyes widened in surprise – he who thought he could not even experience the feeling of surprise anymore, because – wasn’t it so? – his intelligence was so vast and encompassed so much knowledge. But no Kafeh had ever offered his mind to his master for an entire night – any Kafeh – any _Vulcan_ Kafeh, to be more precise – would die of exhaustion.

“What, what did I say now?”

“Nothing bad,” Spock said, his voice a tone softer. “It is damaging to meld for an entire night.

“Nah, don’t worry. I have a cool mind. Lots of medical information in case you want to read a good treatise while I am sleeping.”

“Get on the bed, Kafeh,” Spock ordered, and Leonard did so, but he could swear he detected am overtone of affection in that order.

He lounged on the bed, his eyes were heavy. He would sleep and the Vulcan – damn him! – could meld all he wanted, he wouldn’t feel a thing. And that was what happened. He felt the cool, smooth fingers aligning on his face again. Their minds reconnected. Ok, so the Vulcan needed manners, melds and a bit of submission. If that was all, and if it meant keeping Jim away from the bastard – Leonard would try. For Jim. Not for other reasons.


	4. Hating You Again

Leonard opened his eyes. He was in bed – not his – but he felt comfortable and well-rested. He extended one hand through the bed, as if reaching out to touch and embrace a lover.

There was no one in bed.

He sat up, only to discover that his uniform had been removed during the night and he was wearing only his shorts and a short-sleeved t-shirt. When the hell had he changed out of his uniform?

Oh! Oh, the bastard. He had undressed him! For a moment, Leonard tried to imagine how it would be for the Vulcan to do such a thing to Jim, especially taking into consideration that Jim was rather vulnerable to him – Jim _liked_ him – and Jim liked to be touched. Nooo, fucking no! Leonard was not going to let that happen – which meant, he had to have no protests at all.

Had the Vulcan taken advantage of him during his sleep? As soon as he asked himself the question, Leonard felt silly – no, he felt ashamed. You don’t just _take_ a man in his sleep and he feels _nothing_ – not even when he is exhausted. And in any case – not him – as a CMO, he had a very light sleep, no matter how tired he was.

Before sitting up, though, he did a mental check-up of his own body and was surprised to notice that he felt very good. He was not tired or groggy, there was no discomfort anywhere. His mind was clear and well-focused, as if he had just had an excellent double-espresso.

He finally sat up.

Spock was sitting on a sort of pillow near the window, a round pillow which reminded Leonard of the _Zafu_ meditation mats used in Buddhism.

His eyes were closed and his breathing rhythm – controlled and profound. Leonard wondered what he was doing. But he felt he should keep quiet, it looked like a sacred moment and he did not want to ruin it.

He remained silent on the bed, cross-legged too, looking at him. A good opportunity to study him.

The Vulcan was beautiful, he thought – wait, why did he even think that??

It was just then – Spock opened his eyes, as if he had sensed his thought – Leonard hoped that was not possible in the absence of the meld, though!

“Oh, hey. I mean. Hi. Hello, Master.”

Spock’s eyes finally focused on him, hearing a reasonable greeting.

“Good morning.”

Wow, Leonard thought. No more _Good morning, Kafeh?_ He wondered if this signified any danger. Better to be very cautious.

“I hope I did not disturb you.”

“Not in the least. I have concluded my meditation.”

“ _Meditation_? What sort of meditation?” Leonard wanted to know, his native curiosity surfacing.

“Each Vulcan has two sessions of meditation each day. They are essential for the control of emotions, of thoughts and of actions.”

That translated into not feeling really great, because why the hell would someone need to control thoughts and emotions? – Leonard thought.

“I guess melding with me all night was messy and disturbing,” Leonard said, trying to smile, but it was a rather forced smile.

“On the contrary. It was enriching and highly satisfying, as I felt it would be when I chose you, upon my arrival.”

Was that a compliment? – Leonard  asked himself. It felt like one. Well, if it was satisfying or not, Leonard wouldn’t know as he had slept like a rock through the entire thing. A pity, he now thought, wishing he could have had the possibility to observe just a little.

“Okay, cool. Um, breakfast?”

“Yes, please.”

Leonard got out of the bed, but as soon as he did that, he remembered he was not actually dressed.

“Hey listen, did you – I mean… because I do not remember having –“

“The temperature in the room was too elevated for your comfort, and therefore I have removed a part of your garments, yes, so that you would be comfortable,” Spock asked calmly, and if he was aware of Leonard’s doubts and embarrassment at the thought, he showed nothing.

“Thanks,” Leonard said. He had, somehow, sensed Spock’s honesty along with something else – care, perhaps? The Vulcan was mindful of his comfort, of his needs, and he – Leonard – was only worried that Spock would be displeased and would throw him out and would pick Jim instead, and torture him.

He felt ashamed, somehow. No, he actually felt like a jerk.

He quickly went and took a shower, then returned to the room and got dressed. He proceeded to prepare breakfast, noticing that Spock had made the bed and put everything to its proper place. Damn, he liked order. A mental note to be less messy.

Spock returned from the bathroom, completely naked, making Leonard gasp in surprise – not because he was, well, splendid – but because Humans were not used to walk around naked, for God’s sake, unless in the presence of their life-partners! Well, it looked as if the Vulcans had no feeling of false modesty towards their own bodies.

“What food is this?” Spock asked, with what it could have been interpreted as astonishment, while taking another bite of that tasty brownie.

“It’s a brownie. A chocolate cake assortment. Do you like it?”

“ _Chocolate_?” Spock inquired frowning and this time he looked as if he was computing, searching in a vast database located in his own mind and Leonard thought he was cute.

“ _Chocolate._ Haven’t you eaten chocolate before?”

“I have not.”

“Well, um. There’s a first time for everything. How do you find it?”

“Exceptional,” Spock confessed, and for some reason, Leonard’s heart filled with joy.

 

Nothing remarkable was happening on the Bridge, except perhaps the fact that Jim was stricter with the ship’s operations than the usual. He had assigned Spock a Science Station, and he was treating him respectfully, as he would treat any other Bridge officer. Spock had ample knowledge in a variety of subjects from stellar cartography to obscure physics and astronomy unsolved problems. He also exhibited a genuine curiosity towards Starfleet operations and Jim was thrilled whenever he had the opportunity to show off a bit, because he was hoping for better relations between the Vulcans and the Humans, as people.

Jim suddenly got an idea…

“Mr. Spock, what is your opinion about a more… permanent assignment in Starfleet? It would give you the opportunity to spend more time with us, Humans, participate in more missions, have the opportunity to know us better… and who knows perhaps thus, King Sarek would consider a more… cordial relationship between our people!”

Not to mention, Jim would have the opportunity to see him more often, and perhaps, perhaps –

“I would need a Kafeh, Captain, permanently, and experience has demonstrated that Humans have difficulties being Kafeh to a Vulcan,” Spock said, turning his head towards the turbolift doors which had opened just then, to let Leonard step on the Bridge – not an exceptional timing, he thought. He wished, for a moment, he did not say that.

Leonard had stopped, looking straight into his eyes.

He wished Spock did not say that.

But the words had been spoken.

Leonard took a deep breath.

“Have I displeased you, Master?” he said, loud enough for everyone to hear – the bastard!!! The fucking bastard!!!! To complain about him in front of everyone! He will show him, oh, yes, he will show him!!!

Ten pairs of eyes turned towards Leonard – was he actually calling the Vulcan – _Master_ , in the middle of the Alpha shift, on the Bridge of the Starship _Enterprise?_

Yes, Leonard was doing exactly that – to **punish** him, to make everyone realize that Spock was a fucking control-freak that treated Humans as _slaves_ and showed no respect, gratitude, nothing at all for their efforts!!!! Oh, how he hated him.

“Ahem –“ Jim tried, it was so awkward – so Bones had screwed up, he knew it, he just knew it, he had to do something, he could not jeopardize this mission, too much was at stake.

“No, Leonard,” Spock said calmly, but nonetheless he knew he had hurt the Human, he could feel his rejection – his hate through the bond.”

Leonard’s mind momentarily stopped upon hearing his given name spoken by him. Such a strange feeling – he was no longer _Kafeh_? Why _Leonard?_ Why _now_? What the hell was going on? Was the Vulcan planning to use Jim in his place, as he had threatened?

“Mr. Spock, would you do me the honour of having lunch with me?” Jim told the Vulcan. “There are several things we need to discuss.”

Leonard took another deep breath and left the Bridge, heading back to Sickbay. He felt bad, very bad. So, the Vulcan was not pleased. He was going to give him up and pick Jim. He was absolutely obsessed by this. He was terrified of the things the Vulcan was going to do to Jim. No, let’s be honest here. The Vulcan was not going to do anything to Jim. The Vulcan was not violent, nor was he a rapist or a murderer or God-knows what. He needed a Kafeh to fucking _function_ , as Leonard had been able to ascertain. He needed to have a bond with someone, and he needed someone’s submission, and he needed to be able to meld with the bearer of his bond extensively, and he needed good manners. That was what he needed. And Leonard had failed him, and now the Master was going to give him up and that was all there was to it.

And it hurt.

He looked at the surgery schedule and with this occasion he remembered why he had gone on the Bridge in the first place – he wanted to tell Jim he would begin the reconstructive surgery on Richie’s leg, and it was in Jim’s habit to come and encourage any crewman who was undergoing a surgery. Well, so much for that right now.

He scrubbed and went to the Operating Theatre. He was about to begin when he heard his assistant talking to him through the headset. Leonard hated the fact that he had to have an earpiece on even during surgery but such were regulations.

“Boss?”

“What, M’Benga, what?”

“Your Master’s here.”

Great, so now the entire ship was making jokes about him and humiliating him. Well fuck them. Fuck them all and Fuck Him!

“What does he want?”

“To see you.”

“I’m in surgery for fuck’s sake.”

“You haven’t begun and he knows. I also know.”

“Fuck. Stay right here, kid,” he then told Richie. “I will be right back, okay?”

“Okay, Doc’, sure,” the young man smiled at him.

Leonard removed his gloves and went to the antechamber of the Operating Theatre where Spock was waiting for him.

“Yes, Master?” he said ironically. No point to even be… discrete now.

“Give me your hands, Leonard.”

“Huh?”

“Your hands. Give them to me.”

With a sigh, Leonard gave him his hands – because he still felt the bond, it was still there, fuck it! Which meant, The Bastard was still his Master, and Leonard was still _The Kafeh_.

Spock took his hands and held them into his, and it was only then that Leonard noticed they were trembling – with anger, with sorrow, with God-knows what else.

“Leonard…”  he began.

“What, no more _Kafeh_?” Leonard could not help himself.

“No. _Leonard_ is your name, and thus I will call you.”

“How nice, I am actually touched –“

“SILENCE, now,” Spock ordered, because Leonard was just talking nonsense. “I said something earlier on the Bridge which was harmful. I should not have said such a thing. It was not right and furthermore, not true. You are a good Kafeh to me.”

Leonard just wanted to lash at him, to push him against a wall and punch him senseless!!! Now he was a good Kafeh!! Earlier he was a piece of shit!

Spock held his wrists with one hand, which was easy to do because he was much stronger, and aligned his fingers on Leonard’s face.

“No!” Leonard shook his head, trying to remove his hand.

“Enough, Kafeh,” Spock said, shocked to the core by the fact that Leonard was refusing him the meld. He felt panic and pain and he felt like suffocating – his Kafeh was refusing him a meld?

“You are hurting my hands – I need to return to surgery, damn you!“ Yes, he was cursing him, but he could not stand it anymore.

Spock closed his eyes for a moment, he needed to control his own violent emotions. He lifted his hand again and placed his fingers on the meld points, and this time Leonard let him. He took a deep breath. He placed a veil over Leonard’s anger, so that he would be able to focus well in surgery, because this was all he intended to do. After which he left him go, broke the meld, released his hand, not before actually caressing his wrists for a moment, in an attempt to comfort him – and turned his back, leaving Sickbay.

Leonard returned to the Operating Theatre feeling numb, feeling shattered, feeling ashamed, his mind like a sharp knife, which he knew he owed to Him.


	5. Missing You

He was tired.

He removed his gloves and threw them in the recycler, after which he rubbed his face, changed out of scrubs and waited for his team to take the patient to ICU. He followed them, mostly dragging his feet and personally adjusted the levels of nutrients for the night.

Tiredtiredtired.

He proceeded to walk towards his quarters, his brain – numb, his legs trembling with exhaustion. He couldn't wait to just sleep... 

He was in front of his room and placed his hand on the scanner.

// **Access Denied** //

What the – ???

It was only then that Leonard discovered he was in front of Spock's room, instead of his own room where he hadn't gone since all this had started.

He wanted to just leave, but for some reason, he couldn't move.

The door opened silently, Spock was standing right there in front of him.

“Um… uh… Master. Good evening,” Leonard said and somehow, he didn’t know why, he no longer felt angry – he felt almost… shy.

Spock stepped aside, signalling him to come in.

“I wanted to go to my room,” Leonard said – and it felt ridiculous to say that, since he was obviously here by his own will.

Spock did not comment, he slowly went to the middle of the room and waited, looking at Leonard, saying nothing at all.

Leonard did not know what to say or do either, he just remained near the door, gazing at Spock. It was strangely quiet – Leonard felt as if there were no more sounds, complete silence – even though that was highly impossible on a Starship. You would at least hear some distant engine noise – but right now he heard nothing. Stillness had washed over his consciousness, along with a feeling of peace. Or was it just exhaustion? He did not know.

He slowly advanced towards Spock.

Without almost realizing what he was doing, he knelt in front of him.

Spock’s hand lifted his chin, with a soft, almost tender gesture and Leonard could physically _perceive_ that the Master was content. Why did this feel so right?

Their eyes met and Leonard sensed Spock’s need – a desperate need – to meld. But there had been so many tensions, so many misunderstandings, so many hurtful words spoken on both sides, that Leonard felt he needed to…

“Offer me your mind with the right words,” Spock said.

Leonard did not know what _the right words_ were. But he also felt this was not some kind of test of ritual with predetermined words. He simply had to say the… right thing.

“My mind is yours, take it,” he just said. Simple words that sounded right _to him_.

Immediately after, the familiar sensation of Spock’s fingers on certain points on his cheek was followed by the joining of their minds. The contact lasted for a few moments only and Leonard worried as Spock broke the contact. Was he again upset? Was he again unhappy with him? Displeased? Had Leonard messed up again?

“You are very tired. Go and wash, then get on the bed.”

“I need to go and take some clothes from my quarters.”

“You will not,” Spock said shortly, because there was no way he was going to let him go – no, not now. “Replicate whatever you need from over here.”

“Okay,” Leonard agreed, because really, he was too tired to argue. But still, he did not get up. He felt… he felt he needed Spock’s permission for that.

“You may stand.”

Leonard did so, at last. His gestures were mild and soft, tired, all coming from exhaustion and not because he felt submissive in any way towards Spock. He went to the replicator unit and procured some underwear and sleeping clothes, after which he went and showered. He refused to think about anything else, he refused to analyse the situation at all right now. He decided he would just follow orders for the moment – and nothing else. He will think about other things tomorrow – when, most certainly, he will again have the opportunity to fight with the hobgoblin. He wanted to curse him mentally, but strangely, he could not even form a plain “damn him”. He was getting old, for sure.

He cleaned the bathroom carefully, because it wasn’t his bathroom after all – and returned to the room.

Spock was at his console, typing something.

“Get on the bed, I will be right there as well.”

Okay, that sounded strange, as if they were married, or a couple to say the least, and Leonard felt shivers. He was sleeping in the same bed with Spock of Vulcan, for God’s sake!

“Your Captain is a most infuriating person,” he stated.

“Yes, he can be like that. What does he want?”

“Apparently, he wants me to have breakfast with him tomorrow before our shift commences.”

“Yeah? Well. He does not invite just anyone to breakfast. He wants to know you better…”

“It would be better to say that he holds a personal interest in me.”

“He likes you, yeah,” Leonard said sleepily, snuggling in bed with a pillow in his arms. Strange how the thought made him feel pain.

Spock did not comment. He closed the lid of the console and came to bed; he lay on his side of the bed, at a reasonable distance from Leonard but still, close enough to be able to meld.

“So, are you going to have breakfast with him?”

“I am going to have breakfast in my room, as I have done every morning so far.”

“Why?”

Spock leaned on one elbow, looking at Leonard with curiosity.

“I did not understand your question. Why what?”

“Why don’t you have breakfast with him? Jim is a great guy.”

What the hell was he doing? Wasn’t Leonard’s main purpose that of keeping Spock and Jim as far away from each other as possible? What in the hell was he doing?

“I am not interested in _Jim_ as you call him. The only person which interests me on this ship, during this mission, is _you_.”

 _During this mission_ , yeah, Leonard thought. Only during this mission, after which they will go separate ways, oh how he could not wait to do that… right? He could not wait to just get rid of him, to just… get away from this power-crazed bastard… to be free of him…

His eyes were closing. He felt the lights dim and a careful hand covering him gently with the blanket.  Leonard was expecting that hand to rest on his face immediately after.

But it did not.

He opened his eyes and looked at the Vulcan.

“Don’t wanna meld? I know you need it.”

“Your thoughts are – “

“Yeah, I am an idiot, don’t mind them,” Leonard said, after which he took Spock’s hand, holding it tight for a second. It just felt so good and so right to hold his hand. He placed it on his own cheek himself, but before doing that, he just kissed it softly.

Sleep, sweet and restful, enveloped him.

 

“Mr. Spock! I am thrilled you changed your mind and joined me for breakfast,” Jim said standing up to greet him in the mess hall.

“I did not change my mind, Captain, but the replicator unit in my quarters has a malfunction and I have come to retrieve a few items from the mess hall.”

“How come you did not send your Kafeh?” Jim asked carefully, trying to ascertain what the situation was between Leonard and Spock.

“Leonard is still sleeping.”

Jim proceeded to compute that sentence. Leonard [not _Kafeh_ ] was still sleeping. Leonard, who had to be submissive to Spock and take care of his needs, was still sleeping – and Spock was letting him!! – Furthermore, he was fetching breakfast. Jim felt the stinging pain of jealousy.

“Mr. Spock, why don’t you sit down for a moment?” Jim said as pleasantly as he could.

“I really should – “

“For _a moment._ Please.”

Spock realized it would now be rude to refuse and sat down. Jim immediately started to talk about the mission, expressing his worries about the forthcoming negotiations and their outcome and wanting to know how was Spock going to establish contact with the alien species.

“Captain,” Spock began.

“Please, call me Jim,” he said nervously.

“I will not. You are the Captain of this ship and it would not be appropriate.”

“You call him _Leonard…_ ” Jim pointed out.

“Leonard is – my Kafeh,” Spock replied, resisting the impulse to say _Leonard is mine_. Leonard was his. Leonard was hishishis.

“Right, okay,” Jim said, realizing it would not be right to push it any further. As Spock was sitting with his back towards the door, he could not see Leonard who was just coming in.

“I did not know Vulcans were so possessive,” Jim smiled at him, while placing one hand on his arm.

Startled by the completely inappropriate gesture but unsure as to how to react in order not to offend the Captain, Spock just stared at Jim’s hand, uncomfortably.

Leonard had seen everything, but heard nothing, as he was too far. He felt… betrayed, somehow, which was ridiculous! But hadn’t he said he would have breakfast in his quarters? Hadn’t he said he would not be joining Jim for breakfast – and there they were?? Anyway, why did he even care?

But it hurt.

No matter how he wanted to dismiss the feeling, to push it away, no matter how he wanted to pretend he did not care – he felt pain – no, he felt _sorrow_ , which was deeper and thicker than regular pain.

Spock sensed his presence and turned, removing his arm from Jim’s grasp.

Leonard held his ground for a moment, looking straight into his eyes.

Then, seeing he was not summoned to Spock’s side, he turned away and left, walking towards the Medical Bay.

Nobody came after him. Leonard knew Spock wouldn’t – and couldn’t come after him, the gesture would have placed both of them in an extremely compromising situation; still, Leonard hoped – what the hell did he hope and _why?_

He went straight to ICU, to check on his patient, Richie Gomez. He was doing much better and welcomed him with a beautiful smile.

“Doc’!!”

“Yeah, kid,” Leonard said, barely managing to hold everything together and looking at the various substances and monitors that surrounded the patient.

Richie was silent for a few moments, appearing to study Leonard.

“Who’s the lucky girl? Or guy?”

“Huh? Oh, don’t give me that nonsense, kid. It’s no one.”

“I am good at recognizing the symptoms of love, doc’, even though I’m young.”

“You’re experiencing side effects of the medicine I am giving you. Apparently, you are hallucinating… Hm, let me see what I can adjust.”

“Oh, come on, Doc’, you know perfectly well that – “

“Knock it off, kid, okay? Just give me a break.”

Richie swallowed hard upon the rebuke.

“I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you.”

Leonard finished adjusting the substance dosages for the day and left the ICU. He went to his office, grabbed a painkiller and swallowed it – he had a splitting headache. Had they melded? He was only vaguely remembering Spock’s hand on his face, but more than that… oh, let him go to hell, the treacherous, lying bastard! He won’t think of him anymore. He will only perform his duties and that was all.

The day dragged away, monotonous and boring. There were no sick people brought to him, no surgeries scheduled, and he could not focus upon research at all. He felt like smashing – no, he felt like doing an inventory of all the substances in the storage room, which took him a few good hours – and then what? There was still a lot of time to kill.

He did not go to the mess hall to eat. The image of them holding hands – because that was how all appeared, augmented and grotesque, in his imagination, was haunting and tormenting him – and even more than that, he did not know why, and he hated himself for it. Needless to mention that he hated Spock – and, for some reason, he hated Jim.

He felt he did not care if Spock used Jim or not. Let them do what they want. Spock did not need him, and that melding thing was not so dangerous or painful, surely the Vulcan could do it with Jim, along with other pleasant things, undoubtedly.

When he checked the time, he discovered it was 9:30 in the evening – he had been in the Medical Bay the entire day, and done nothing productive at all. Damn! At least he could have done some paperwork or an autopsy, which was always pleasant.

He dreaded the fact that it was evening. Where should he go? He had not seen, nor heard from Spock all day. He had not set foot on the Bridge.

He went to his own quarters, making a conscious effort. Strange how empty the room felt, he thought as he entered. His assistant had cleaned and ordered it, and it looked like an impersonal hotel room. Leonard found himself thinking about the wonderful incense Spock was burning during meditation and the colourful _zafu_. And the robe he wore when off-duty. He was beautiful. Intangible. A jerk.

And Leonard hated him.

He showered and changed clothes, sitting on the margin of the med, overwhelmed by a sensation of déjà-vu, albeit a wrong one. He was not where he was supposed to be, not where he belonged.

He cuddled on the bed in foetal position, hugging himself and wanting to cry. He felt the bond pulsating horribly in his mind, like a migraine in its worst stage. Spock. Spock. Spock.

The door opened with a familiar hissing sound, and Leonard sensed his presence. He did not have time to even sit up and turn to look, because he immediately felt him laying over him heavily, grabbing his hands and lifting them above his head, holding him down with ease.

“Kafeh,” he said bitterly, pressing him down on the bed with his own body-weight.

“Yes, Master,” Leonard managed to say, making no attempts to free himself from his hands. He was there. God, he was there.


	6. Giving Myself To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no such thing as Forever.

Spock was holding him down. He had lifted Leonard’s arms above his head and had his wrists on a tight grip. He was strong, and Leonard knew he had no chance against him – whatever was going to happen now, Leonard could not even call for help – he could not even struggle – but Leonard did not want to do any of these things. On the contrary, pliant in his hands, he was just breathing deeply, trying to calm his pounding heart.

“I want – I want…” Spock said, almost incapable of speaking anymore.

“Take, Master. Take whatever you want.”

It was all Spock could endure. Leonard had given consent – even if it was not necessary, for Leonard was **his** – he could take _whatever he wanted_ and, at the same time, he couldn’t. There were rules Spock was breaking; there was tradition he was stepping over; one could not use a _Kafeh_ for anything else except daily chores and melding. Needing more, wanting more – especially when you were the king’s son – was shameful.

He pushed the thoughts away. With his free hand, he opened Leonard’s mouth and kissed him – it was a fierce, desperate kiss, or more like a bite – as if he wanted to just… absorb Leonard’s breath, his life-essence, everything.

Also, it was all Leonard could endure. He kissed back, with want and despair, with hatred and love and adoration, not sure if he was only dreaming, or –

“Be – still – Kafeh – or I will just –“

But they were both gone now, Leonard knew, and he felt Spock needed just very little still to let go of all control. Leonard wanted him. Now. Now. Forever but most of all now – they needed each other, they needed to melt into one another, and Leonard felt that Spock needed to be provoked in order to just _let go_.

“Or what? Huh? Or what?” he asked with daring eyes, but remaining still, a doll in his hands – not struggling and not fighting. Spock was not aware of that. The wayward words were burning him, washing over his consciousness like a poison, the Kafeh was not being good, the Kafeh had been away from him all day, he had avoided him, he had not come to him, he had left him _waiting_ – him, the Master, the Prince, Spock of Vulcan whom so many adored and wanted – who did the Kafeh think he was? He arched Leonard’s head to one side and bit hard onto his neck, drawing blood – a mark for all to see, that this being was **his** , he was taming him and he was going to keep him!

[How was he going to keep him? No, no such thoughts now.]

Leonard wrapped one leg around Spock’s waist.

The flames of desire overtook Spock in seconds. So much he wanted him, so much he had wanted him from the very first second, it was just incredible how much Leonard’s blood was calling on to him…

“You are not making the rules here, Kafeh!”

Spock sat up, straddling him between his legs, and ripped his shirt apart with one sudden gesture. Next, he removed his shorts and his own clothes in a matter of seconds, ready at any time to just immobilize Leonard and even tie him up to the bed if necessary – if only he had the means – but Leonard let him, not struggling – only those eyes were daringly burning, accusatory and intense, urging, urging him to claim what was his in the most primal, basic way.

Once they were both naked, Spock lay back over him, wanting to feel as much of his body as possible, from toes to chest, to lips, to ears and hair, touching, touching and scratching and biting everything he could and not having enough.

Leonard felt dizzy with want, damn him, how he hated and loved him! But he could no longer move, he could no longer provoke, because – all of a sudden, Spock flipped him on his stomach with a brusque, precise, violent gesture. For a moment, he hoped that the Vulcan would be mindful of the fact that Humans required a bit of preparation before the intercourse, but he also realized it was not going to happen. He tried to relax as much as possible, to avoid being injured, even though it hardly mattered anymore.

Sudden pain followed and Leonard gasped for air, burying his face in a pillow. Spock had taken him with one full, deep, strong thrust, all the way in – then he had stopped. He had wrapped one arm around his neck, and Leonard found he could not breathe very well in that position.

“Who do you belong to, Kafeh?” Spock asked his lips close to Leonard’s ear.

“You. You. You.”

“And who am I, Kafeh?”

“Spock of Vulcan. My Master.”

“Forever, Kafeh. I will not – “

It was only sheer strong will that prevented Leonard to reply _Forever, Master_ , because his rational mind, even though knocked out right now, knew that this could not last. It was outrageous, it was abnormal, it was against everything Humans believed in, and besides, Spock was here only temporarily.

Spock continued to murmur words in a language Leonard did not understand, while he was moving into him with long, deep thrusts, as if he wanted to feel and take and have everything… Leonard could feel his thirst, it was almost like a fever which was consuming him, a need only he could fulfil. Leonard knew then – Spock only needed him he would always need him – and despair overtook him, because once more, his consciousness warned that _this could not be_.

But right now, _it was_. Leonard abandoned all reserve, he threw the pillow on the floor so that Spock could see he was not hiding anything, so that he could see all his reactions. Flat on his belly, Leonard realized he did not feel pleasure, but not pain either. It was something which transcended everything he had ever experienced.

 

 _Time is 05:00 hours_ , the synthetic computer voice announced.

It meant that their shift commenced in less than an hour.

Spock removed himself from Leonard, slowly, without provoking him pain. His fingers aligned on his lower back and Leonard felt no more discomfort because of the prolonged intercourse.

He did not feel the need to talk at all.

Spock had gone to the bathroom to shower; he came out fully dressed. He signalled Leonard to go to the bathroom too.

Leonard obeyed – but strangely, everything felt… natural right now, it was no longer as if he was trying to obey his orders for fear of this and that; Spock was commanding, he was doing as asked; he did not feel this diminished him in the least – on the contrary, Leonard felt **stronger**. Stronger than he had ever been.

Spock was gazing out the window towards the stars.

Silently, Leonard prepared breakfast and they ate silently; occasionally, Spock was looking at Leonard with the same powerful, dominant, dark-chocolate eyes.

Spock’s communicator buzzed.

Spock extended one beautiful hand and picked it from the console, flipping it open.

“Spock here.”

<Please report to Conference Room 1. Bring – uh, bring your Kafeh with you, please.>

“Understood, Captain. Spock out.”

He stood up.

Leonard stood up too. He came to him, knelt, with gestures which were normal and delicate, not forced and disgusted.

Spock contemplated the view – Leonard, his Kafeh, at his feet. Out of his own initiative.

He offed him his hand – and Leonard kissed it reverently.

The moment was sacred, and both men knew that their lives, merged together, were now redefining in ways they could not understand yet.

Leonard stood up and followed him to the Conference Room, remaining two steps behind him, as he felt things should be.

All the senior officers were present and Leonard no longer felt jealous or hurt when Jim and Spock exchanged a few pleasantries. Jim was, as usual, smiling at him, a discrete blush was colouring his cheeks. Leonard knew now, beyond any doubt, that Jim liked Spock – and perhaps a bit more. But he also knew Spock held no interest beyond current mission for the Captain, or for anyone else aboard the ship.

Except him.

Spock wanted Leonard.

 _Forever_ , he had said.

But Leonard knew very well there was no such thing as _forever._


	7. Needing You

“Gentlemen,” Jim began. “We shall soon arrive at the border and we will stop engines. We’ll establish contact with the Dominion leader and then, Mr. Spock will try and attempt communication. Hopefully, for all our sakes, there will be a peaceful resolution. If Mr. Spock fails, I doubt we can make it back home in one piece.”

Jim paused, looking at Spock to ascertain his mood.

Spock’s eyes were dark, impenetrable.

“I shall do my best to accomplish my role successfully, Captain,” he said coldly.

Everyone felt shivers. There was no trace of warmth in his eyes; no sign of compassion towards their possibly-doomed fate. The Vulcan was going to attempt contact and that was all. Either him, or a robot – it was the same, Jim thought!!

People shifted their gaze towards Jim. Those were trying times and they needed someone to comfort them, to reassure the, to tell them in the oh-so-human way that everything is going to be alright, even if everyone doubted that.

“Riiiight,” Jim sighed, seeing that the Vulcan had decided to remain silent. No motivational speech from over there, he thought. “Okay. Here is how we shall operate. As soon as we arrive at the designated coordinates, we shall stop the engines and wait. We have been advised that most likely, the Dominion mother-ship would arrive shortly after us. They would scan us, in order to determine if we look offensive in every way. I want the shields down, but Scotty, be ready to raise them immediately and also to restart engines.”

“Aye, no issues,” Scotty said, trying to reassure his friend who seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Who would not be in his situation? Scotty looked at the good doctor – he had changed quite a lot. The Doctor, as he remembered, was a being which vociferated a lot, always had an opinion about everything and seemed find extreme pleasure in contradicting everything that Jim said just to ‘get the blood going’ – and here he was, silent, looking downwards, not having any opinion about anything.

“I will also need the Medical Bay fully operational, with all the teams alert and ready to intervene,” Jim said, a bit uncomfortably, looking into Leonard’s direction. “But… um… since Dr. McCoy is busy – ah – attending to our Vulcan guest, perhaps I should nominate another Chief Medical Officer for the time-being?”

Leonard was listening carefully to what Jim was saying but he did not react. Normally he would have jumped off the chair and perhaps hit Jim in the head with the first solid object whilst yelling – but right now, this felt so… inappropriate. Jim had not addressed him, he had not asked for his opinion; he was voicing an uncertainty and somehow, he was right. His main mission, now, his priority, was Spock – _attending to his needs_ as Jim had very well pointed out. If Spock did not want him to go to Medical Bay, that was it. Leonard would not go.

“That, I believe, will not be necessary, Captain,” Spock said on the same calm tone. “My Kafeh attends to me in his after-shift time. During the contact with the Dominion ship, I will need him on the bridge and by my side at all times. It would be perhaps better, if I may suggest, that during those hours you assign another person to coordinate the activities in the Medical Bay. For the rest of the time, Leonard is free to work his entire shift as he sees best and as it serves the ship’s necessities.”

Jim scratched his neck nervously, a gesture which Leonard knew well – Jim was exasperated and he had switched from silent admiration towards the Vulcan, to annoyance and other negative feelings. It was perhaps Spock’s way of talking – cold, impersonal, in sentences that were too long, that had no contractions or colloquialisms and that seemed artificial. Leonard had gotten used to them, but for the others, yes, he could see how they could seem nagging and unsettling.

“We will all do our best to… uh… help you in any way. Your attempt at establishing contact with the hostile species is the most important thing we are undertaking. How may we do this easier for you? How are you going to accomplish this, what do you… uh… need?” Jim inquired, making efforts not to spit out every word.

“I appreciate your concern, Captain. I will need a few hours of meditation before I begin, and Leonard’s presence. I will dress in ceremonial garments which will add me concentrate better and will show my interlocutor that I respect them.”

Jim could not help but notice that Spock was no longer referring to Bones as to “his kafeh” but as “Leonard.” Things surely evolved on that matter… Jim watched his friend more carefully, noticing the reddish hickey he had on his neck. Therefore…

“Okay. You have five hours before we arrive. Go get some rest or meditate or whatever it is you need to do. I need a word with Doctor McCoy,” Jim said severely, because he will not take _no_ for an answer – “and then I will send him right over.”

“What do you need Leonard for, Captain?” Spock asked, his eyes darkening, his possessiveness towards his Kafeh barely constrained – he was not going to leave him alone with –

“I do not need your permission to discuss with one of my senior officers, Mr. Spock,” Jim could no longer control his own anger, thus making everyone present freeze.

Spock felt his blood had run completely cold. A lot depended on his next words and reaction. He looked at Leonard – but Leonard was calm, almost indifferent, he had remained seated and seemed to have no intention whatsoever in going to talk to Jim in private.

No. Leonard was his. Leonard was not trying his patience. He was… good.

“You may go, Leonard,” Spock said, thus making everyone know that if Leonard was going, it was because **he** was allowing it.”

“As you wish, Master,” Leonard also replied – and it was the strangest of dialogues – but to be honest, he no longer cared what the others said or thought – all that mattered was Spock – Spock – Spock was the only thing that mattered. His presence. His attention. His –

“To my ready-room, Doctor,” Jim said, leaving the room first.

Leonard looked into Spock’s eyes one more time to be sure he had his permission. He saw a discrete lowering of eye-lids, signalling a conceding _yes_ , not entirely whole-hearted, Leonard could sense it.

_Master_

_Leonard_

He could hear those words through their bond, silent butterflies that made his soul hum.

_I love you_

_I need you_

_I need your presence_

_I need to be close to you_

But who was saying – what?

Leonard decided to follow the strict ship protocol, just because Jim was being a jerk and well – Leonard could be a jerk too. Therefore, he chimed and waited for the door to open – in other times, he would have just pressed his hand on the scanner and the door would have opened immediately.

“Come in already,” Jim said tiredly.

Leonard came in and the door closed behind him. He remained standing, with his hands clasped behind his back, in perfect position.

“Don’t give me this shit, Bones.”

“Oh, so now I am giving you shit? What about the shit you gave Spock earlier?”

“Let’s not talk about the green-blooded robot.”

“What should we talk about, then?”

“Are you sleeping with him?”

“I fail to see how my sexual life is of any importance or relevance to you, Captain,” Leonard said, his own blood running cold now.

“You have got a hickey on your neck. It’s in… plain sight so to speak.”

“Have you called me here to discuss the fact that I have a bruise on my neck, _Captain_?” – Leonard asked with increased anger – this kid was incredible, really!

Jim came to him and made an attempt to place his hands on his shoulders.

“Please, do not touch me,” Leonard warned.

Somehow, he felt that no one – except Spock – should touch him.

Jim lifted his hands in surrender.

“You know what – this is too much – this is just – “

“You are stupidly jealous, Jim, and you ae making a scene. I suggest you stopped.”

“Me?? Jea---“

“Enough. Stop it. It is none of your business if I sleep with him or not. Whatever he decides to do with, or to me, has been with your consent from the very beginning and it is now with my consent. Stop daydreaming. You would not resist to the kind of treatment he administers me. This is not a medieval love story in which a powerful prince falls in love with his subject. This is a story in which you have given a crewman to an alien, in return for higher favours. Deal with it and stop making a scene.”

Jim was speechless. He wouldn’t have expected Leonard to speak such cruel words. Jesus Christ!

“Now. Am I dismissed, Captain?”

“Yeah… go ahead, Bones,” Jim said defeated, sitting down on the small sofa in the ready-room.

Leonard sighed and came closer to him. He even sat down and resisted the urge to wrap one arm around his shoulders.

“Look… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a jerk, but you were a jerk first. I know you like him. Perhaps – who knows – you’ll get a chance to… dunno. Afterwards. Right now, Spock needs me.”

“It seems to be reciprocal,” Jim said after a few moments of thinking.

Leonard did not comment. He just stood up and left the room, going to Spock’s room.

The door opened before he even had the time to chime, a possessive hand pulled him in, hot, hungry lips pressing his, with need, with despair.


	8. Adoring You

Leonard did not care anymore. He was just going with the flow. Spock had barely had the patience to take him to bed, and Leonard – desperate for his touch – had responded to each and every single one of his kisses – he wanted him – he wanted to melt into his kisses, into his body, into his very being. He was hungry and thirsty for his touch.

His clothes disappeared immediately, as well as Spock’s – and once more, Leonard found himself pinned to the bed, his hands above his head –

“No, let me kiss you, touch you. I want you. Pleaseplease. I want you,” he murmured.

If Vulcans could lose all coherence and control, it was just happening to Spock. It hurt, almost – as his own logic was falling apart – because one could not sleep with his Kafeh – it was outrageous, it was abominable, a sacrilege – a master sleeping with his Kafeh, his servant. But was Leonard McCoy a slave, a servant, a pleasure-toy? **NO** – his own consciousness screamed, in the face of devastating love. Leonard McCoy, the one he had chosen to be his Kafeh for a limited time, for melding and attending purposes – was – for the love of all gods, existing and non-existing – he was **the one love** he had been waiting for, his entire life. The love of his life.

As realization dawned upon him, he held him tighter in his arms, kissing him deeply, with passion, releasing his wrists and letting Leonard do what he wanted – oh, his touch, so soft and tender and passionate at the same time, reverent and fearful, exploratory and curious – how it made him shiver!

“Take me,” Leonard murmured, lost in his yes.

“All of you.”

“Yes.”

It was the strangest of the dialogues, but Spock could no longer think straight. As he lowered himself on his lover’s pliant body who welcomed him greedily, his mind felt attracted to that of Leonard with the force of gravity – his fingers instinctively looked for the meld points, their minds merged once more, as if they were one – and perhaps it was just so.

It was as close as they could get. Spock was laying over him heavily, kissing him, melding with him, their bodies undulating slowly; it would have been much more comfortable if Leonard had lay flat on his stomach, but he wanted to see his beautiful eyes and to be able to kiss him. Leonard had wrapped his arms around his neck, tightly, as if he never wanted to let him go.

Hours passed; Leonard could barely remember his name and Spock had absolutely no desire to stop and prepare for the forthcoming negotiations.

“Mine. Leonard. Mineminemine. My Leonard. My Love.”

Leonard held his breath for a moment – Spock loved him? _Loved Him_?

“Master…” he murmured.

The word seemed to wake Spock to reality. He blinked – he was in bed with his Kafeh. NO, not his Kafeh – his Love!! – his own spirit rebelled.

“I cannot be without you, Leonard,” he said, calmly, feeling that – with those words – his own world was falling apart.

“You don’t need to. But tell me, I need to know. Do you love me, Master?”

Spock looked deeply into his eyes, with painful, with love, with sorrow. He could not lie.

“Yes.”

It was a simple word, which was redefining… everything.

Spock broke the meld and sat up – and when their minds separated, he just wanted to scream!! How to be apart from Leonard, even for one second?

“Okay,” Leonard whispered, not really knowing what to say. How would they manage this? Spock would leave at the end of this mission – and Leonard would have to endure separation and heartache and pain and death, because there was no way he would survive one day apart from him.

There was no need for him to say _I love you, too_ – Spock already knew every corner of his mind, every thought, every feeling, every small intention. Leonard was like an open book for Spock to read, use, love… everything he wanted.

“Master… perhaps we should –“

“Stop calling me that,” Spock said with a heartache.

“Huh? Why?”

“Because – “

Spock took a deep breath and covered his beautiful face with his palms. It was unbearable. He wrapped himself in his robe and went farther from him, near the window.

Leonard got out of the bed and got dressed too, after which he went to Spock and turned him towards himself, softly, after which he sank to his knees.

“Please, tell me. I can feel your grief. You know I share your feelings. You know I would not refuse you anything.”

“You are the bearer of my Kafeh bond. You already know this is a low bond, given to servants and attendants, for service and melding purposes.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Our culture strictly forbids that we share intimacy with a Kafeh. Or with another being except our own mate, for that matter.”

“I see,” Leonard said looking downwards. “You have a mate at home and you feel guilty.”

Spock stroke him hard over his face, with the back of his hand. To even think such a preposterous –

Leonard closed his eyes tight, it was stinging and he didn’t know why had this been necessary.

“How Dare You. I would never cheat on my mate.”

“Therefore, you do not have a mate at home.”

“No.”

“And you… want me to be the –“

“Yes.”

“But I am your Kafeh. You are the damn Vulcan Prince. You cannot choose someone like me… as a mate.”

“Leonard. Please stand up.”

Leonard stood up, looking at him pacing through the room. He went close to him again and took his hand this time, with a tender, mild gesture.

“Spock, please, let us not mix things and float in this confusion. We are here, together, we are facing a very dangerous situation and we might not survive the day, should the negotiations fail. You want me, you need me – I can feel it – you… love me, as you said. There is nothing I would not give you. What do you want? Tell me.”

“I… I do not know, Leonard. I am terrified when I think of what I have done. It is shameful and dishonourable to have… slept with my Kafeh –“

“You haven’t _slept_ with me, you, stupid hobgoblin!” Leonard yelled at him, his own violent temper no longer under control. "We _made love,_ you did not abuse me.”

“I know. This is not the point. It is still shameful, judging by the royal etiquette to say the least, and by the customs of my home-world. I slept with my Kafeh.”

“So what?? What will happen?”

“I do not know. I will tell Father and we shall see how he decides to punish me.”

“You are an adult person, capable to make your own decisions. You owe explanations to no one.”

“I wish it were like that, Leonard.”

“Customs change. They have changed for Humans too. Back in the 19th Century, having… uh, being intimate with a person other than your wife was outrageous. Not to mention, until late in the 21st Century, a relationship between partners of the same sex was considered an illness. But then, we left all these misconceptions behind. We grew out of our own set of rigid and stupid rules.”

Spock cupped his face and looked deeply into his eyes – with each passing second, he just loved him more, wanted him more.

“Leonard. What I have… grown to _feel_ for you surpasses any ability I have to control. I want you to be mine, completely mine, forever. But I cannot give you the high bond which you deserve.”

“And what bond is that?”

“The _Kun-ut so’lik_ bond. The Terran equivalent of marriage.”

“You want to _marry_ me, for God’s sake??!” Leonard exclaimed with astonishment.

“Yes. You said you would not refuse me anything.”

“Yeah, I… said that. Okay. So, you want to give me this bond, and you can’t, because I am just a boring Human and you are the Vulcan King’s Heir.”

“That is not the reason,” Spock uttered between his teeth, managing to control his temper this time and not to hit him even though he deserved! To even say such a thing!

“What is the reason, already? We need to reach a conclusion.”

“Once a Kafeh bond is given to a being, Vulcan or not, the Marriage bond cannot be given. **Ever**. It is for the very reason I have already mentioned. To prevent any chance of intimacy occurring between a Master and a Kafeh. To avoid the dishonour.”

“You are killing me with this _dishonour_ thing!!! Elaborate. Is it so shameful to sleep with your servant?”

“Yes. Not for the reasons you might believe, though. When taking a Kafeh, the respective Master has a right to his complete submission but also… some obligations. Ensuring his well-being and his safety. Not treating him as a toy – such as I have done, because a Kafeh cannot give valid consent.”

Leonard looked at him calmly.

“Okay, here’s what we are going to do. You are going to remove the Kafeh bond for five minutes.”

“Why?” Spock asked, confused.

“Because I need to tell you something important and, as long as the stupid bond is there, you will keep believing it is because of other reasons and not because I have chosen so.”

Spock swallowed hard.

“I need the bond to survive, Leonard. I cannot live without having a bond.”

“You will do your best and not die for five minutes.”

“I no longer know who the master is, here,” Spock said, with what it looked like a smile. “Very well, Kafeh. Kneel, I will temporarily remove the bond.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. The protocol part was slowly killing him – but fine, as he wished… he knelt once more, and lifted his head so that Spock could meld easily.

Spock touched his face, the meld-points were so familiar that he did not even have to look to find them. He reached deep into his mind, to the roots of the bond, and slowly pulled it out of Leonard’s mind.

It was so painful, that Leonard saw white and he leaned with his hand on Spock’s leg. Jesus Christ, to even believe such pain was possible! And then, the vast, horrible loneliness, like a sticky darkness in which you dive head first, and you drown, forever falling, blind, blind, deaf, choking…

“Leonard?”

“Huh? Yes.”

“Please talk. What did you want to tell me?”

Leonard struggled to form thoughts and then words – he had never felt so empty in his entire life.

“I love you. You are everything to me and I hate you for it. I adore you. You have my consent for everything you want to do with me, forever. Now give me the bond back.”

“Do you not wish to take advantage of the moment and be free of me?”

“No.”

Spock reconnected the meld, and Leonard could sense its tremor. Whatever sickness he was experiencing, Spock’s pain and distress were far, far greater. He could sense the illness – like a star collapsing into itself, Spock’s vital energy was rapidly degrading.

Leonard put his own hand over his, to keep the meld in place more firmly.

The bond burst back into existence, bright and vivid, like fireworks illuminating the night-sky.

Spock collapsed on his knees, in Leonard’s arms.

Leonard held him tightly.


	9. Making You Happy

They were sitting down on the floor, both of them, holding on to each other tightly. The reconnection of the bond had shaken them beyond anything they could imagine. They had remained there just breathing, Spock holding Leonard to his chest, caressing his hair and kissing him every now and then, both of them staring blankly. Both their lives, now one, needed to jump-start, to continue unfolding, and after what had happened, it was not exactly easy.

“I will never be able to give this bond up, Leonard. I shall die.”

“So am I,” he murmured unhappily, because how the hell was this going to work?

“You shall remain my Kafeh forever.”

“Yeah…”

Spock’s hand tightened in Leonard’s hair.

“Answer to me properly, Leonard.”

Leonard’s soul immediately filled with a familiar sensation, as if butterflies flew through him. Despite of having acknowledged their feelings for one another – yes, they were desperately in love – it was a fact that Spock remained the Master and Leonard the Kafeh, and Spock seemed to have zoomed back into himself, reconnecting to rules and to discipline and etiquette and protocol and all the things he loved, and which Leonard did not mind giving.

“Yes, Master,” he said softly. “Okay. We are stuck in this relationship forever. That does not mean we cannot be happy. How can I make you happy?”

“You already ARE making me very… happy as you, humans, say. Be like this – be yourself, as you are now, because I know you also feel good in this relationship.”

Leonard blushed – he would have never thought he would feel good in such a relationship where he had the submissive role. The things the others would eventually get to say, the rumours, the gossip! Oh well. Screw them.

Spock sensed and monitored the stream of thoughts passing through Leonard’s head – strange how they didn’t even need to meld anymore – and when Leonard got to the _Screw them_ part, Spock **almost smiled.**

A discrete chime let them know there was someone on the other side of the door. Good thing they had gotten dressed! Spock quickly arranged the bed and signalled Leonard to open the door.

“Hey, Bones,” Jim said, giving him a thoughtful look. Leonard hadn’t had time to look himself in the mirror but most certainly he must have looked as after a fight, probably with fresh new bite-marks on his neck and other signs of love-making – or whatever it was they were doing.

“Hello,” Leonard said a bit awkwardly. He did not like the way Jim was staring at him.

“Is Spock available?”

“Wait, please.”

He knew he was putting Jim in a rather uncomfortable position by asking him to wait but strangely, Leonard did not care much. In this stage, his only concern was Spock.

“The Captain is here to see you. May he come in?”

“Affirmative,” Spock said – meanwhile he had eliminated any traces of disorder in the room and straightened his clothes.

“Come in, Jim,” Leonard then said.

“Gee, thanks,” Jim replied, not without sarcasm. “Good afternoon, Spock. We have reached the designated coordinates and we stopped. We are waiting for the Dominion mother-ship to arrive for negotiations – we are broadcasting our non-hostile intentions on all frequencies, but we already know they do not understand anything. Therefore, I will require you to join me on the Bridge, so that you’ll be there as soon as they arrive and want to talk.”

Spock had listened to him carefully, while Leonard was standing aside; he truly felt like a servant right now, waiting to be given his next order, and he didn’t mind in the least. Strange how everything had changed in the last days, in the last hours… He was Spock’s Kafeh and that was it. Nothing complicated.

“Very well, Captain. I shall be with you momentarily. Let me dress first. Leonard?”

“Master?” Leonard asked, and it sounded so natural, so normal, that it even scared himself. And if Jim was worried or jealous or terrified, Leonard found once more he did not care. He would call Spock _Master_ no matter who the hell was present, on duty or off duty, on the Bridge or in their cabin. Everywhere. All the time. He was going to be dead-serious about this.

“Prepare for me the white robe which I have brought with me. Excuse me, Captain, I am going to get dressed quickly and join you at once.”

“Why do you have to dress in something special?” Jim inquired with curiosity.

“As a sign of respect for my interlocutor. Also, you shall see, the effect is… important.”

Spock left Jim on the couch and went to the other side of the room where a discrete thin wall separated the locker from the rest of the room. Spock removed his t-shirt and pants and dressed in the splendid traditional Vulcan robe he had brought along. Leonard proceeded to tie the various knots and arrange the folds. When he finished, he kissed Spock’s hand – no other touching would be possible in the next few hours, he knew it.

Spock softly caressed his face with one finger, his lower lip with his thumb. Leonard shivered under his touch.

They had to get this over with.

Spock was ready for the mission. He returned to Jim, who stood up, and who seemed to momentarily forget how to breathe.

“You look… astonishingly beautiful,” Jim said looking at him. He knew that Vulcans were beautiful; legends were being told about their remarkable, ethereal beauty, but seeing him in the traditional robe, tall, strong and beautiful like a fairy creature – it was just – he had no words. To be lucky enough to be in the presence of such sublime beauty! Oh, how he envied Leonard right now. He wondered how it was… to be with him in the room, to…

“Shall we?” Leonard said, reading through Jim as if he were an open book. Yes. Spock was beautiful. They all knew it.

“Yes, to the Bridge, gentlemen,” Jim finally managed to articulate something coherent, after which, his face red, he started walking towards the Bridge.

Spock followed him, with Leonard one step behind him.

Everyone would turn their heads to look at them.

Leonard no longer felt jealous – he felt… proud. Spock had chosen him, he knew it now, Spock would rather give up his own life rather than to give Leonard up. The thought terrified and comforted him at the same time.

As they arrived on the Bridge, all the officers stood up with respect, sitting down only when Jim signalled them to do so. He offered Spock to sit down near him on the chair which had been brought especially for the occasion. Leonard remained behind them, silent, but he sensed Spock’s attention was focused on him only, as if he was following him with a third eye, surveying his every move. He did not feel as if being stalked. He felt… loved.

The Dominion ship did not delay. Much larger than the Enterprise, it approached and reduced speed, reaching a stop right in front of the Enterprise. Jim felt like an ant at the foot of an elephant. He had no idea how they would solve this.

“They are requesting visual contact, Captain,” Sulu announced.

“On screen, then, Mr. Sulu.”

Jim had seen recordings with the Dominion people and he knew what to expect, up to some point. He knew they were shape-shifters and they took a form vaguely humanoid when in the presence of humans. This time, the Dominion leader took fully humanoid form: Jim had the impression he wanted to copy the appearance of a Terran woman, even if the features were not perfect.

Spock stood up, after a brief exchange of looks with Jim. He regretted he could not see Leonard too, because he could not turn his head and look behind him at this point, and every gesture was important.

The Dominion leader seemed to understand that Spock was the one they would negotiate with. He focused all his attention on the Vulcan.

Spock extended his arms to the side, as if he wanted to embrace the creature through the view screen. He did it slowly, with extreme care, and with a smile. He radiated kindness and good-will. The Dominion leader was carefully observing: no words had been spoken yet, but the gestures were also very important.

God, was he beautiful – Jim surprised himself thinking. He had begun the negotiations with a sort of hug. Who the hell would fire at a Vulcan wanting to hug you? He was so beautiful, so beautiful that it made Jim’s heart hurt.

Next, Spock placed his palms together as in prayer and softly bowed his forehead – a humble salute that, again, had nothing hostile.

It was clear as the light of the day that it was a salute in friendship – even for someone who understood nothing of what was spoken.

The Dominion leader lifted his right hand too – their equivalent of _hello_ , undoubtedly. The first step had been made, Jim observed with joy – and it had all been so simple.

“Greetings form the United Federation of Planets,” Spock said, with a clear, warm, carefully-modulated voice, in plan Standard English. “I am Spock,” he added, placing his palm on his chest.

Even if you did not understand a word the Vulcan was saying, it was clear as the day that he had said Hello, and the he had introduced himself.

“El-Dor”, the Dominion leader said, copying the gesture Spock had done, with the hand on his chest.

“Please talk,” Spock said, quite sure that this time he will not be understood – “so that I can understand the structures and patterns of your language and manage to translate it.”

Spock’s entire energy was focused on the being in front of him. If only he could touch him – a pity! That would have made things so much easier, but he knew that at this point it was still dangerous.

The Dominion leader had indeed started to talk, and while the Universal Translator could not find any pattern to begin translating, in Spock’s formidable mind the structures began to arrange in words and sentences.

“ _Tá do theanga an-chasta agus nach bhfuil muid tagairtí. Ach anois tá mé tosaithe a thuiscint. An mbeidh tú a thabhairt dúinn ar feadh cúpla uair an chloig chun clár ar ár Aistritheoir?_ ” Spock said, struggling a little with some of the words.

The Dominion leader had a purely human expression of astonishment!

“ _Tá tú ag labhairt ár dteanga!_ ” he exclaimed.

“I need to understand too, Spock,” Jim said between his teeth. No matter how extraordinary this was, he had to understand what was being said, in order to draft an action-plan.

“I told him we need a few hours to program the Universal Translator. He expressed his astonishment upon hearing me speak in his language. The more he speaks, the more I understand.”

“Does he agree to wait for a few a few hours?”

“I am asking him now. _Teacht againn i síocháin, beidh tú a thabhairt dúinn ar feadh cúpla uair an chloig go foirfe ár n-uirlisí cumarsáide?_ ”

“ _Dearfach._ ”

The communication ended.

“Well?” Jim asked impatiently.

“They agreed to grant us a few hours to program our Universal Translator; we will resume communication when we are ready; no hostile acts will be undertaken meanwhile.”

Jim let out a deep breath of relief and admiration.

“That. Was. Amazing.”

“What are you referring to, Captain?”

“The First Contact and the way you caught their impossible language!!”

“It is not impossible, Captain, given the fact that I am able to manage it. It is, indeed, highly complex as all ancient languages. For a reason I have yet to identify, it reminds me of an ancient Terran language.”

“Huh? Which language?”

“Gaelige. If you are familiar with it.”

“Huh? The Irish Gaelic… thing?”

“Indeed so. Further research is needed but I am sure there are some common patterns.”

“I hope they are not Irish descendants… that’ll give me a headache…”

Jim was sort-of waiting for some smart-ass comment from Leonard, as usual in such occasions, but nothing happened. Leonard remained silent behind them, attentive at what was being said, calm and collected.

“Bring me he Universal Translator console, Captain. I will begin correlating the grammar structures I have so far with the Standard English.”

“I’ll help too,” Scotty said because he had also been on the bridge during the entire time. “I love the sonority of this language; it makes me think of home.”

Jim shivered. There was definitely something going on with this language.

“Was wondering… how many Terran languages can you speak, Mr. Spock?”

“I can speak nearly any of them, Captain, if I am given the necessary time to understand the structures. But I have studied French, German, Greek and Latin and Romanian. All of them are fascinating! And of course, Standard English.”

As the language console was being brought to them and Spock began working, Jim, Scotty and Leonard remained near, just gazing at him. This magnificent, proud creature, Spock of Vulcan, could speak French! I mean – really, now, Jim thought and felt like laughing. French! And he could not manage a simple _Bonjurr_ or however they were pronouncing it.

Spock worked for a few hours without speaking – he would just review the recordings of the conversations at times.

At some point, he looked at Leonard for a brief second.

Leonard lowered his eyelids and went away for a couple of minutes, returning with a cup of coffee.

“You guys no longer speak?” Jim asked – as usual, being his curious, nosy self.

“That is not always necessary. Leonard knows my needs.”

“I see,” Jim replied, once more touched by the stinging thorn of jealousy.

Spock ignored him. He felt Leonard’s care, his attention focused only on him, his love, his adoration – feelings which were burning low through their bond, keeping them strongly connected.

Spock straightened his back for a moment. He may be Vulcan but sitting down for 3 hours was draining! He looked at Leonard.

Leonard was his. His. His.


	10. Love Keeps Us Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you still hear my soul speak?

Spock had worked for 5 hours straight to program the universal translator. He was tired and he still had one session to go, during which he had to resume negotiations and then to appoint Jim to continue, to introduce him to the Dominion leader which had presented himself (herself?) as El-Dor.

Jim was beyond impressed. He had never seen someone work for such a long time so meticulously and without even a break. To program the computer to translate and interpret an entirely new language was a two-weeks effort for any engineer paired with a linguist, and Spock was doing both things by himself as, in his opinion, it was faster this way. Scotty had pouted and complained – but finally he just sighed and let the Vulcan work.

Jim was equally impressed by Leonard’s stillness and tranquillity. He had remained by Spock’s side, standing, not complaining about a single thing; at times, he brought him water or a fruit-juice. Scotty had interfaced the Medical Bay main console with a handy console on the Bridge and at times, Leonard took a look at what was going there, but his main focus and concern was Spock.

Spock stood up. It was almost the time to resume negotiations.

“I will go change my robe, Captain. I will return in 22.5 minutes.”

Jim smiled upon hearing such a precise indication of time. The jealousy he had been feeling now and then had sort-of melted away (for now, at least) – because, well, Spock was not paying any attention to anyone but Leonard – and Jim still hadn’t managed to understand what was happening between them.

Leonard waited for Spock to proceed towards his room and followed him, remaining two steps behind, as he felt it was right.

Spock turned towards him as they were walking.

“Your arm,” he requested – he was tired but that was not the point, he just needed to touch him, now, now.

Leonard came near him and offered him his arm.

Spock linked their arms, wrapping his fingers around Leonard’s wrist.

“What… do you need, Master?” he asked, because he knew they did not have much time once in their room, and if Spock wanted to meld or to kiss him or something else, Leonard would give him exactly that.

“Submission,” Spock said, barely refraining himself from pushing him against a wall and kissing him right there.

Leonard swallowed hard to push down his emotion. Submission. He wanted his submission – why? – Leonard tried to analyse, while he still had some reason left. They had determined they loved each other and they will remain together, no matter what.

“Why?” he asked him, hoping he will not get a bad reaction out of him.

Spock opened the door and signalled Leonard to enter first. He closed the door behind them, they had a few minutes for themselves. He went and washed his hands, the returned to the room where Leonard was waiting standing.

He sat down on the couch and pointed towards the floor, indicating Leonard he had to sit there – which Leonard did. This was no longer something painful or unusual.

Spock lifted his chin with one finger, to have a better and more comfortable access to the meld points. He aligned his beautiful fingers on his cheek.

Their minds touched.

Leonard closed his eyes, he took a deep breath. It was so restful, at all levels – it was as if his body was just being given a very good massage; he realized his own brain was producing all the chemical elements related to _feeling good_ , serotonin, dopamine, glutamate; he felt well and cared for; he felt protected, he felt loved. He felt… needed and useful.

The bond lit up under the Master’s touch. It was shining like the morning sun, when the light is sweet and fresh. Leonard opened his eyes to look at Spock. He looked so strong, so intangible, so beautiful – god, how he loved him.

Spock opened his eyes too, they just gazed at each other without saying anything, no words were even necessary.

Leonard had never felt so good, so calm, so at peace in his entire life.

“It was me who created the bond; it is your submission which maintains it at this… level.”

Leonard smiled, understanding that he’d received the answer to his earlier _Why_?

“What does _love_ do?” Leonard further asked.

Spock pulled him up in his arms; he caressed his cheek softly, brushing his knuckles over the meld points; he then passed his thumb over Leonard’s lower lip and kissed him, softly, without violence, letting all his love show and shine through. The feeling, strong and overwhelming, reflected into Leonard’s own soul – and he was simply drowning in love.

“Love keeps us alive,” Leonard answered himself.

“What you mean to say is that you would die without me?”

“Yes,” Leonard answered, simply. He did not even have to think about the answer. It was plain as the day. However this happened, he just couldn’t explain.

“I could lose my mind because of how much I have grown to love you, Leonard. This is one of the main reasons for which I cherish the bond, the discipline, the formal behaviour. Both of us need to _function_ during this mission and beyond… whatever will be waiting for us.”

“Your love for me makes you feel weak?”

“No, Leonard, it makes me feel vulnerable. I cannot be thus.”

“Okay,” Leonard said, taking his hand and kissing it. “Are you pleased with me as your Kafeh?”

“Yes,” Spock answered honestly. “You are a good Kafeh.”

“Thanks. Now come, let’s get you dressed for the _grand finale_ ,” Leonard answered, wishing for Spock to also know he also was a good colleague, a good friend, an exceptional doctor and researcher, a fairly good Starfleet officer…

“I am also looking forward to a moment of peace with you, Leonard,” Spock said, aware of his thoughts. “A moment in which I will be able to learn everything about you and show you everything about myself.”

Leonard held his robe open so that Spock could dress.

“Do you constantly read all my thoughts?”

“Yes,” Spock replied calmly. “Your mind is mine.”

Spock’s attitude had changed back to the strong, dominant, cold one; no trace of the tenderness which was shown five minutes ago. Leonard would have to get used to this.

They walked towards the Bridge.

Leonard felt as if all the noises were gone, as if the world was fading out. His main, his **only** focal point was Spock.

Spock resumed negotiations, with Jim at his right side.  This time, he was able to speak in Standard English and the translator was working impeccably. He introduced James Kirk, he mentioned they would negotiate an alliance, safe-routes and a plan, that they had an entire quadrant at their disposal; Jim took over with elegance, looking at the Dominion leader with his impossibly blue eyes.

Leonard stood back as usual. Scotty had come near him and they were both watching the ongoing negotiations.

“They do great stuff together, these two,” Scotty commented. “I wish they’d eventually become friends.”

Leonard did not comment. He knew how capable Jim was, all too well; his resourcefulness, as well as Spock’s talent for negotiations and first contact were qualities that would truly benefit missions like theirs. But who knew what Spock would have to do when all this… will have been over? Would he abandon his Kafeh? Would he return to Vulcan and – ?

“Heard his dad is a power-crazed bastard,” Scotty continued.

“Who, King Sarek? What do you know about him?” Because Leonard knew his happiness, their future depended on him.

“Yeah. King Sarek. I heard he is the most beautiful creature which exists – and equally evil.”

“Really, Scotty…” Leonard smiled. “The most beautiful creature which exists is over there,” he said pointing to the middle of the Bridge.

“You mean Jim?” Scotty winked.

“I do not mean Jim.”

“Fell in love with the Vulcan prince, huh?”

Leonard gave him a troubled look – Scotty was speaking so serenely about everything!

“Oh, don’t give me that look, lad. It’s very… um – obvious.”

“I wish you to fall in love as well, Mr. Scott,” Leonard said seriously – “and then we’ll see how easy it is to talk about such things.”

“Me? In love? Never, laddie. My only, eternal love is the Enterprise.”

“Then you’re an idiot.”

“Love you too, Doc’.”

“I hope you fall in love with Sarek of Vulcan.”

Scotty chocked with laughter and fled the Bridge in a second. Dear God, was Leonard imaginative, or what?

Leonard smiled, Spock had finally finished and had turned towards him. He felt how much the Master needed him. He could not wait to be alone with him. Very often, Leonard would think of their moments in bed – he, who hadn’t even liked sex that much, it was not something he had been crazy about in his life, despite knowing he was very attractive. Spock’s touch was different; he did not feel they were having sex – and not even making love, it was Something Else, far above everything, a sacred act.

“I will have you all night, Kafeh,” Spock told him, once more squeezing his arm as they were heading towards their room. Spock’s mission had ended; Jim had successfully taken over; the return trip followed – time to enjoy what was his.


	11. I Will Forever Wait For You, My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will forever wait for you, my love.”

Happiness.

They were together and it hurt: the blissful, joyful union of body, mind, spirit was at the highest point. It was the climax of their love, the highest peak.

Endless words of love had been spoken; Spock had spent hours kissing him, taking him over and over again, until they could no longer move. Leonard had never in his life been so happy; at times, he would cry. Spock left him cry, because such emotion could not be restrained, it needed to be let out, otherwise the fragile boundaries of the soul would break apart. Oh, how he loved Leonard!

Leonard McCoy: his Kafeh. He had chosen him because he had read the potential of submission in his mind; he had never expected to fall in love with him. And now… what was he doing to do? How was he going to live without him?

“Are you going to leave me, Spock?” he asked, because him too, by now, was perfectly aware of his thoughts.

“NO,” Spock answered immediately – but it was more as if he was answering his own thoughts, rather than Leonard’s question. “Furthermore, you may not call me _Spock_ , Kafeh.”

“Oh, cut it out now. Enough with that. We are on our way home, we’ll soon reach Vulcan and you’ll have some serious explaining to do. We both know it. And the fact that you own me and I am yours has already been established.”

“Manners, Leonard – “

“I have bad manners.”

“No, you do not. You are only trying to annoy me and I do not understand why.”

“Because I can sense a darkness growing in you and it scares me,” Leonard said, wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck – the Vulcan was laying over him.

“Yes. I am worried. I will have to tell my Father about you, about the Bond, about what I have done, and about the fact that I cannot be apart from you.”

“What do you think his reaction will be?”

“A bad one, for sure, Leonard,” Spock said holding him tighter, with despair, as if separation was imminent just there and then.

“And? Can’t you… defy him or something?”

“Leonard… he is not only my Father, whom I love dearly, but also my King. Should he want, he can take my life.”

“The hell he will,” Leonard said furiously.

“He is a fair, generally merciful King. He very rarely sentences a death sentence. Given the fact that I am his heir, his only heir… I do not think he is ready to give me up, especially since he needs me not only for succession reasons, but also because he needs my qualities as a negotiator and diplomat, specialized in First Contact.

“Which reminds me, I did not even congratulate you. That was fantastic.”

“Thank you, Leonard,” Spock said with modesty. “James is also a good negotiator. After he took over, he explained to El-Dor that we are offering safe passage and a dedicated, permanent navigation route towards the uninhabited quadrant. He also offered assistance for constructions and whatever else they may need, as well as an alliance against the Borg – which are, after all, our common enemy.”

“You Father should be happy and glad you have had such a great success. He should not be mad at you.”

Spock took a deep breath and held Leonard’s head between his palms.

“Would you be able to live without me?”

Leonard looked deeply into his eyes.

“No,” he replied with sincerity, but also with heartache.

“You might have to, at least for a while.”

“Listen, I…”

“No, Leonard, no comments. Now I will give you your instructions.”

“My _instructions_? What are those?”

“Each bond comes with a set of instructions, which the Kafeh needs to obey. While you have received your bond, you have yet to receive your instructions, and now it is the Time.”

Leonard felt a shiver going through his entire being. Instructions. So be it.

“I am listening, Master,” he said with a trembling voice.

“I will issue them to you formally. I believe this will be one of the last… traditional things I will go. Therefore, Leonard, please make the bed and put the room in order, then please go shower and dress.”

“Yes, Master,” he replied, softly, after which he got out of the bed to do as told. Strange how right now he did not feel the need to tell him to just cut it off or leave the protocol aside – he had sensed that something big, something important and life-changing was about to take place.

He did the things in the order indicated by Spock. He changed the sheets and put the old ones in the laundry recycler. He carefully covered the bed with the olive-green military blanket and straightened it so that it would look neat. It actually looked like a bed from the army – ready for inspection. He laughed at himself – he who would always leave a messy bed upon waking up (because why bother making the bed since you are going to return to it at some point?). Meanwhile, Spock had showered and changed clothes, and after finishing cleaning up the room (there was not much to be cleaned, anyway) he also went to the bathroom.

His body was achy once more and he carefully washed himself. He smelled like Spock and it was intoxicating… dear, dear God, how he loved him, he found himself thinking as he was shaving. He asked himself if Vulcans did shave because he did not see Spock do it. Do Vulcans grow beards? Of all the ridiculous things to think of…

Leonard shook his head. Okay, he needed to focus.

He finished his morning ablutions and dressed in clean clothes – the regulation Starfleet underwear and pants and the blue science shirt with two silver stripes on his sleeves, signifying his rank. As he was just putting his shoes on, he noticed Spock was looking at him intently and he sort-of felt a little self-conscious.

“I’ll… be ready in a moment.”

“I was not attempting to rush you, Leonard. I was – only looking.”

Leonard smiled – he knew how that felt, he also liked watching Spock doing the simplest of things. Like when he was programming the Universal Translator – the way his fingers moved on the console.

He stood up and came in front of Spock. The bond already felt heavier and brighter.

“At your service, Master,” Leonard said, and the words came out naturally, not feeling forced in the least. Because it was very much so… the minute he had seen him, his heart had flied at his service!

“Kneel, Kafeh Leonard McCoy,” Spock said gravely as his fingers were already advancing towards his face.

Leonard did so without fear or shame. It felt good to do this, and it should not feel this good in normal circumstances, because Humans do not have _Masters_ , that is so Eighteenth Century, but well – he had. And it felt all right.

As soon as his knees touched the floor, Spock’s hand rested on his face and their minds greedily embraced one another. It was always like this, the need to meld was just growing stronger and stronger with each passing moment.

“I, Spock of Vulcan, son of King Sarek, convey you, Leonard McCoy, my Kafeh – and… my only love, my eternal love, the love of my life and my mate, the following instructions which you shall keep as your most precious possessions and obey accordingly,” Spock said taking a deep breath upon seeing Leonard’s eyes filling with tears. He could not stand seeing him cry – but this time, he knew, he could sense it – those were tears of emotion, high and very pure.

“You will take care of your life, your body and your mind, because they are mine. You will guard them against wounds, pain, coming from the others or self-inflicted.”

Leonard shivered. Yes, that was one of his best-guarded, but darkest secrets: he would sometimes harm himself.

“Answer to me, Leonard. I need to know you understand each instruction.”

“Yes, Master. I will take care of myself properly.”

“Good. Your second instruction: if separation occurs, you will endure it and wait for me ad know I will do the same. Nothing but my own hand can undo this bond.”

Leonard took his left hand – because the right one was on his cheek and the meld could not be disturbed – and softly kissed it.

“I will forever wait for you, my love,” Leonard said, and it made Spock’s very soul shake, seeing such faith, such loyalty – which he knew and felt they were authentic.

“You will obey me in everything, now and always.”

Leonard smiled softly. This last instruction was a bit redundant.

“I know you need my submission and I have grown to need your strong hand. My submission is yours to keep. Now and always.”

Spock remained silent. As the instructions were embedding themselves in the core of their bond, something unspoken breathed into both of them – a silent understanding of their destiny, of the happiness they had lived – that they were still living – of the tragedy they knew would follow.

The door chimed discretely.

Spock signalled Leonard to stand up and go open the door.

Leonard kissed his hands again, without rush, he stood up, straightened his t-shirt and released the door. He was not surprised to see Jim, of course, but Jim was most certainly surprised to see him – both of them in fact – dressed and fresh – what had he been expecting after all? A dishevelled room and two barely-dressed friends?

“Um, hello Bones, Spock. We are on orbit around Vulcan, Spock, and you have a priority-one message from his Majesty King Sarek, routed to the Bridge.”

“Thank you, Captain. Let us go to the Bridge at once then, my Father dislikes waiting. Come, Leonard.”

And thus, it began.


	12. Sarek of Vulcan

Sarek of Vulcan could have asked for a private conversation with his son on the diplomatic channel; still, he had chosen the Bridge channel. Jim thought that was strange, but then again, they had all been warned about how Sarek wanted everything done just the way he ordered.

In order to ensure a minimal privacy to this conversation, which he sort-of sensed it would not go very well, Jim had dismissed all the officers from the Bride, having called Scotty to monitor the main processes and he himself had sat down at the navigation console (as all Starship Captains, he was first and foremost an excellent pilot).

Spock arrived on the Bridge, dressed correctly in a traditional Vulcan robe. Leonard, dressed in regulation Starfleet uniform, came and remained behind him.

Spock looked around, surprised to see so very few people on the Bridge. He then realized that Jim was being thoughtful and whatever was going to be discussed, would be heard by as few people as possible. He felt gratitude for the Captain and for the first time since his arrival upon the Enterprise he got the revelation of how extraordinary Jim truly was.

“At your disposal, Captain, if you wish to connect me to my Father, King Sarek.”

“Here we go,” Jim said with an almost imperceptible sigh.

Moments later, Sarek’s beautiful face appeared on the screen. He was wearing a splendid white robe, large with elegant light-green embroidery displaying the royal symbols of the Planet Vulcan. He wore a circular necklace and reflected nothing but cold control over every word and feeling.

Spock came to the middle of the Bridge, his own soul was trembling and he was making efforts to control his own emotions, even though it was hard. Alas! He had a strong parental bond with his Father; now that they were close, it was certain that Sarek was very well-aware of everything his son felt… and experienced.

He bowed his head deeply, his arms crossed in the shape of an X over his own chest.

“My most humble greetings, Your Majesty, King Sarek and Beloved Father,” Spock said. Complex as it was, the greeting in itself was not a lie; he loved his Father deeply.

“Greetings, Spock, and welcome,” Sarek said coldly and it gave Jim chills.

“You may have already been informed of the success of our mission,” Spock next said, as calmly as he could, following the diplomatic protocol, that in which useless things are said to avoid much more urgent and more painful matters.

“Indeed so. Congratulations. You have managed to guarantee safety for our Quadrant, which is commendable.”

 _Commendable!!_ Ahhh, how Jim wanted to punch that stupid king straight in the face. He looked at Scotty to see if he was also annoyed; but no, his colleague was just monitoring some consoles and did not seem to register anything from the conversation.

An awkward moment of silence followed, because Spock – who had been capable of negotiating with a hostile species and successfully convince them of the futility of an invasion – had no idea what to say next.

“I expect you to disembark and arrive home within the hour.”

 _Within the hour?_ Leonard’s heart sank.

“If I may inquire, Father, why the urgency?”

Sarek lifted an eye-brow.

“Your mission is over. I see no necessity in you remaining aboard the Enterprise any longer.”

Spock took a deep, deep breath. He had to say it. Now was the time.

“I have met someone aboard the Enterprise, Father, whom I have chosen to be my mate. It is not my intention to leave him,” he said with determination, even though his heart was pounding. He took another deep breath.

No emotions could be read on Sarek’s face. Perhaps boredom, if anything at all.

“Son, the only bond I detect in your consciousness is a low Kafeh bond. You do not wish to say you wish to take a Kafeh to be your mate and thus, bring shame to yourself, to me, to your entire planet. Because if you believe even for a second that I shall tolerate such behaviour, then you are gravely mistaken.”

“I am sorry to disappoint you, Father – but as I said, it is not my intention to leave my chosen mate.”

Sarek stiffened and he gave his son a depreciable look.

“I am giving you a warning, Spock. A first and las warning. Go to the transporter room right now, and return home. Otherwise, I shall have no choice than to open fire upon your precious Enterprise, and come retrieve what is mine with my own hands.”

“Father, I beg of you, do not think and act in such a manner. You yourself picked your own mate with great difficulty and nothing could stand between you and mother. Why do you now deny dme the – “

“How DARE you?” Sarek exclaimed, his control over his own emotions weakening by the second. Your Mother was a most honourable woman, not a…”

“Not a _what_ , Father?” Spock inquired defiantly.

“Not a SLAVE.”

“Leonard is also a most honourable man.”

“And for his sake you are ready to have an entire Starship full of people destroyed, yes?”

Spock was not able to respond to this question. He knew his Father well; if he said he was going to open fire, kill everyone on board and come retrieve him with his own hands, probably kill Leonard in the process just to revenge for the shame which had been brought to his Royal Family – then he would do exactly that.

“Raise shields, Mr. Scott, and prepare to engage Warp,” Jim ordered. He was not having any of that shit.

However, nothing happened. Jim looked in Mr. Scott’s direction and saw with astonishment that he had collapsed to the ground, unconscious. While Leonard was rushing to him and Spock had no idea what to do and say anymore, Jim pressed different controls on his consoles and in a matter of seconds their shields were up.

Sarek fired a warning shot with a weapon that quite easily bypassed their shields and damaged a non-vital part of the saucer section.

“DAMN YOU!!!” Jim cursed. “How can you do this, you damn stupid king? I have got women, children aboard! And your son! How damn cruel can you be?”

“Return my son to me this once, Captain Kirk. I have weapons that are beyond your defensive capabilities. I will not even consider your inconsiderate words.”

“Wait a damn minute,” Jim said, his hand on the navigation yoke. “Let’s NEGOTIATE. Because this is what we do best.”

“I do not negotiate with… humans,” Sarek responded. “Open fire, Wuh-lan,” he then addressed someone outside the screen.

Leonard looked at Spock with despair. They could not risk the lives of everyone aboard the ship!!!

Spock seemed to come back to his senses just then. He rushed to the science console and began adjusting several parameters of the shield harmonics. The next weapon blast which headed in their direction was successfully reflected by the shields.

Jim gave Spock a grateful look and opened a ship-wide communication channel:

“All hands, brace for emergency Warp.”

Immediately after, he engaged the Warp 5 velocity and they abruptly broke free from planet Vulcan’s orbit, towards The Andromeda solar system, where there was a dense nebula and also an asteroid field.

“Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, report to the Bridge at once. Repair teams to Section C1 of the Saucer. Isolate the damaged areas and relocate crewmen,” Jim continued to dispatch orders, all through the ship-wide channel, to save time, because right bow his hands were full with things to do.

As his helm and navigation officers reported back to their stations, Jim retook his rightful chair at the center of the Bridge.

He looked at Spock who looked broken, and it was understandable – his own life, his mistakes – but were they actually mistakes – had come crashing down on him. He had immediately gone to Leonard and he was trying to assist him in taking care of Scotty who was still unconscious (yeah, what the hell had happened with him?! If he was having one of his epileptic attacks, it was a damn bad time!!)

“All hands,” Jim resumed communications. “Let there be noted in the ship’s log that as of today, Star Date 2258.41, Spock of Vulcan is promoted to the rank of Commander and shall function as my First Officer.”

Spock’s eyes widened and he exchanged an astonished look with Leonard.

“Congratulations, Commander,” Leonard said with affection and relief. Spock may have lost a Father and a Family today, an entire world perhaps, but he had gained a friend, and Leonard knew that having Jim Kirk’s friendship was no little thing.


	13. Battle Stations

“Get me Starfleet Command, this instant, Mr. Sulu,” Jim ordered as soon as they were out of Vulcan space and they had a moment to breathe. He then came closer to Spock and Leonard – the Doctor had managed to stabilize Mr. Scott, despite of him being still unconscious. “What happened to Scotty?”

“Difficult to say. I will have to take him to Medical Bay and run extended tests.”

“Listen up, you two,” Jim then addressed Spock and Leonard, but mostly Spock, because it was him who was Leonard’s… owner, or whatever it was called. “I believe you are convinced of the fact that I am on your side and I am not going to give any of you up. As long as you are on this ship, you are under my protection.”

Spock took a deep breath of relief and looked at Jim with gratitude.

“I shall never forget what you did today, Captain, and I hope we shall together live the day when I shall be able to repay your kindness.”

“Let’s not talk of that right now. What I want you to do is not to mess up in the least and to follow my orders. I know it makes you uncomfortable, Spock, because you are a Prince and – well – not used to be given orders.”

“I believe I no longer am a Prince, Captain. Please, have no worries on my behalf. Since you have enlisted me as your First Officer, I shall do my best to be useful to you and to the Ship, and needless to say I shall follow your orders accordingly.”

“Okay. We will function well. Needless to say, he ALSO needs to follow my orders and stop looking at you for permission every five seconds, whenever I ask him to do something,” Jim added referring to Leonard, who indeed had gotten the habit of doing exactly that.

Leonard looked downwards, his face red. It was all so true: nothing mattered anymore, but Spock, Spock, Spock. He did not care about Starfleet anymore, nor about his job which he used to do with so much passion, in which he had invested so much time, money and hard work and three doctorates; he no longer cared about Jim, about his colleagues, about his friends; his only thought was Spock. And he realized, just there and then, that if love brainwashed you, then it was not exactly love.

“Okay, I will try and do better.”

“Leonard, look at me, at us,” Spock said, and Leonard, who was on his knees near Scotty, looked up towards them.

“Master?”

“You will follow the Captain’s orders accordingly and go through your shifts with the professionalism which characterizes you. He has risked a lot to keep us together and the least we can offer back is trust, loyalty, friendship and respect.

“Yeah, I guess I have been a bit… too deep in everything. Time for me to wake up and get to work. I have called medical teams here with a stretcher, will go look after Scotty,” he said, because he was used to issuing his own orders – what did Jim know about medical operations anyway?

“I want you to wear a tracking device at all times, so go and inject yourself with one, and do the same with Spock. I don’t want anyone snatch you off my ship, God knows what technology those Vulcans possess.”

“While I am not God in the least, Captain, let me assure you that the Vulcans do not possess the technology of bypassing the shield harmonics of the Enterprise for transporting purposes and anyway, our… _their_ transporter technology is rudimentary as we do not often transport off the planet and visitors are not welcome anyways.”

“That is Good news, Mr. Spock. What should we fear, then?”

“The Vulcans have fast ships and good weapons; also, complicated offensive strategies, too numerous to even begin exposing them to you. Should we be attacked, I shall analyse the pattern and we will restructure our own strategy.”

Jim scratched his head. Gosh. Did he always have to talk in such a pompous manner? Damn cute green-blooded robot!

“Leonard, while we are on duty, you shall call me _Commander_ and not _Master._ ”

“Good point,” Jim also said, because the other crew-members were already giving Leonard strange looks, and his friend really, really, really didn’t need any bullying right now.

“No. Sorry,” Leonard’s prompt reply came.

Spock stiffened, unused to hear a refusal from Leonard’s behalf – because Leonard really fulfilled all his orders and wishes…

Jim smiled, because for him this was a sign that his friend Bones was feeling a bit better, he was becoming himself again.

“I Am Sorry?” Spock asked, severely.

“I have absolutely no intention of calling you _Commander_ , not until hell freezes!”

“Leo–“

“Hush now, _Commander_ , and go to your station,” Jim stopped him. No scenes on the Bridge, no, nonono.

“Yes, Captain,” Spock replied obediently and he effectively went to his station. However, he was not pleased at Leonard’s behaviour. A discrete wave of pain passed through the bond, which Leonard ignored.

Jim smiled at his friend as he was placing an IV on Scotty, currently on the stretcher and ready to be taken to Medical Bay.

“You do love to annoy him a bit.”

“As I do love to annoy _you_ a bit too.”

“True story. Welcome back, Bones. I missed you.”

“Now don’t go all emotional on me, Jimmy-Boy. I have got enough on my plate right now.”

“Unidentified ship formation in pursuit,” Sulu announced from his station.

Jim rushed back to his chair. He still had a lot to discuss with his friends (friends? Did he already consider Spock his friend?) but right now they had more pressing matters.

“Mr. Spock, are those Vulcan ships?”

“Affirmative, Captain,” Spock said proceeding to use his console in order to analyse he ship formation and being content that together with his new rank, he also obtained clearance codes which allowed him to use the ship consoles and system of operations, in order to be of assistance. “The ship in the front of the triangular formation is the Vulcan royal ship and I can only presume that my Father is onboard. He has shielded our parental bond and therefore I can no longer discern his intentions, nor his proximity.”

“Shields up, Mr. Sulu, Red Alert; do not fire, I repeat – do not fire unless I specifically say so. And get me Starfleet Command already!”

“There is a lot of interference because of the nebula…”

“Allow me, Captain, there is a low frequency band which the Vulcan High Council uses for important communications during special distortions or other anomalies.”

Jim shook his head. He wished Spock would just say _Let me help,_ or _I’ll fix this shit_ or whatever! Minutes later, the familiar figure of Christopher Pike, all too severe this time – Jim noticed – appeared on screen.

“KIRK, What In The Name of HELL are you doing?”

“We have been threatened and attacked, Admiral, I am trying to keep my people safe.”

“I was apprised of what had actually happened, Kirk! You refused to transport the Vulcan prince down to his family and thus periclitated the ALREADY FRAGILE relations which we have with them!”

“Admiral Pike, Sir. The Vulcan King had threatened to kill my entire crew.”

“I am quite sure you exaggerate as usual, Kirk!”

“Mr. Spock, send the recording of the conversation between you, myself and Sarek of Vulcan to Starfleet Command.”

“Yes, Captain,” came the answer.

“Now on to More Pressing Matters, Admiral, we are being pursued by a formation of hostile Vulcan ships.”

“Give them the Vulcan Heir, Kirk, and stop interfering. You have done enough damage already.”

Angry as never in his life, Jim stood up and for a moment he wished he could just strangle Pike through the screen.

“The Vulcan Heir,” he said uttering each word with barely contained anger, “is, as of today, my First Officer. I will not allow for any member of my crew to be harmed!”

Pike rubbed his face tiredly. He knew that every Starship Captain, no matter how young, was allowed to confer ranks and commendations to crew members, and equally – to name and choose his First Officer, a key-position on any Starship. Kirk hadn’t broken any protocol.

“James,” he said, on a softer tone, trying to reason with the bold young man. You and Mr. Spock have just concluded an extraordinarily difficult mission. Whatever has been going on between you two, it is not alright to interfere within the Vulcan culture, neither to endanger our relationship with Sarek of Vulcan. Come about and give Spock back to his family.”

“I will not,” Jim said on the same tone and ignoring the ironic and to be honest quite shameless suggestions of a relationship between Spock and himself. “If you listen to the recording, you shall see that their sole purpose is to harm him.”

“James Kirk,” Admiral Pike could no longer control his own anger – “I order you to turn your ship around and report to Starfleet headquarters. Do so, and I will personally communicate with the Vulcan ship formation and advise them that there has been a misunderstanding and tell them not to fire upon you.”

“I shall not entrust my First Officer into hostile hands.”

Therefore, you have chosen to disobey a direct order from your superior officer,” Pike said threateningly. “You are well aware that your next destination is Court Martial.”

“Do what you must –“

“Captain,” Spock intervened. He was systematically destroying Jim AND Leonard’s lives and it was just not right.

“Return to your station, Mr. Spock, and be silent. IF I need your opinion, I shall ask for it.” Then, Jim turned towards the view-screen once more. “Yes, Admiral. If you believe that Court Martial is a good destination for a Starship Captain defending his crew-mates, then what else can I say? So be it.”

It was just then that the main ship in the front of the Vulcan squad formation opened fire.

Jim ended the communication and sat down.

“Battle stations,” he spoke on a sad but determined tone through the ship-wide channel.


	14. I Will Never Forgive You

All eyes turned towards Jim, waiting for instructions.

Jim finished processing whatever was taking place in his mind.

“Mr. Sulu, step aside, please. I will take the helm.”

“C-captain?” the young man murmured, astonished, wanting to be sure he had understood the order properly. Did the Captain want to pilot the ship himself? It was true that he was a very good pilot, but still… the ship needed someone who would coordinate the operations.

“You heard me. Spock, sit on my chair. Mr. Sulu, take his station.”

At this point, hearing such strange orders, everyone was sure that their Captain did have a plan. Jim took the helm preparing to manually manoeuvre the ship through the dense nebula. But Jim did not have a plan yet – something he did not want to reveal to his already frightened crew. For the moment, he was simply improvising, wanting to simply hide from the Vulcans.

“Standing by weapons, Keptin,” Chekov announced from the console on his right side, because the lead Vulcan ship behind them kept firing random phaser blasts at zero elevation, because the visibility through the nebula was extremely low.

“Power them down, Mr. Chekov and do not, I repeat – do not power on any weapons unless I say so. We shall not fire upon the Vulcan king.”

Spock felt immense relief upon hearing that, but also worry. Jim was not going to put Sarek of Vulcan to risk in any way, but he himself and his crew – among which Spock and Leonard themselves – WERE at risk. Quite a dilemma. He truly hoped that Jim knew what he was doing.

Jim saw nothing at all through the view screen and the proximity sensors picked nothing but dense gas all around.

“Mr Spock, can you sense any obstacles ahead?”

“Negative, Captain. I do not possess such abilities.”

“Good, that means neither do they.”

“However, Captain, let me warn you that while I am unable to sense my Father’s presence, nor his proximity, as he has shielded himself from me, he is perfectly able to do so.”

“Go to Sickbay and tell Bo- I mean tell Doctor McCoy to administer you a telepathic inhibitor. While my purpose is to run and hide for a while, until the King’s anger subsides, it would not be helpful at all if he found us too early.”

“Yes, Captain.” Spock said and did so immediately, because it was a good opportunity to see Leonard, one that he did not want to miss.

Since he was now holding the rank of Commander and First Officer, he could enter Sickbay at any moment, without having to announce his presence.

Leonard, who was supervising Scotty’s condition, looked up towards the opening doors and smiled.

“Master, what brings you here?”

Spock frowned at him.

“Doctor McCoy, let me remind you that we are both on duty and the Captain’s orders were to address me using my rank and name.”

“I have been calling Captain Kirk – _Jim_ – ever since he was a student whose sole purpose was to cheat on tests. I have been calling you Master from the first moment I saw you and I ain’t gonna change that.”

A few nurses and his assistant, Geoffrey M’Benga, started giggling. Their CMO was… gone, so to speak! But Leonard did not care if others laughed. They would laugh and they would forget about it after a while.

“I told you to – “

“Submission comes along with disobedience in the same package. You know it.”

Spock felt frustrated. He really did not want everyone to know – in fact wait, everyone already knew everything about them, it was the main gossip subject of the week. So what exactly made him cringe? It was the fact that they _were laughing at Leonard_ and he found that hurtful.

Leonard did not seem to care. Was he truly so devoted to him, or stronger than he had imagined? Anyway, it seemed that there was still a lot to learn about Leonard’s personality.

“The Captain sent me to you, Doctor, to acquire a telepathic inhibitor so that my Father may not detect our proximity.”

“Yeah? Then he’s an idiot.”

“Pardon me?” Spock said astonished. Either were Leonard’s manners dreadful, or he… had just changed…

“I cannot give you a telepathic inhibitor because it will alter your neurological functions which are strongly dependent on the psilosynine, which as you know, is the main telepathic neurotransmitter.”

“I was not aware of this, as I had never been given a telepathic neurotransmitter. Still, we must follow the Captain’s orders, since he is already endangering the entire ship to keep us…  and by us, I mean _me…_ safe.”

“His job is to keep us safe. Mine is to keep you healthy.”

Leonard was… incorrigible! Not that he did not have a point and besides, he seemed to have studied his anatomy and physiology very well. When exactly, it remained a mystery.

“Good luck with convincing him to do the slightest thing, _Master_ ,” M’Benga laughed good naturedly.

Spock raised one brow at that. He admitted, within himself, that convincing Leonard of doing various activities which he required may be slightly difficult – not even Jim managed, it seemed! As he was standing there, not knowing what to do, Spock saw Leonard picking his communicator and calling Jim.

“Listen, you brat. I won’t give him any telepathic inhibitor, he’ll fucking go into a coma, he’s a telepath! It’s how he exists!”

Spock wondered if Leonard always talked to the Captain in that outrageous manner. They needed to have a discussion. Despite everything, he felt impressed at how Leonard was able to defy his Captain, all the known rules of etiquette as well as any common sense just to keep him healthy.

The ship shook heavily, which meant they had been hit by either a phaser blast, or a torpedo. Spock rushed back to the Bridge, where he found Jim struggling to regain control of the ship and re-establish shielding in the affected areas.

“Captain. Please do not risk the lives of your – of our crew-mates. Let me surrender to my Father, and look for a diplomatic way out of this situation.”

“Mr. Spock, you are my First Officer. If you ever make such a suggestion again, I will have you spend the rest of your day in the brig.”

It was more than obvious that Jim was not going to give him up. Spock knew quite well that should he surrender to his Father, there were but little chances for him to ever be reunited with Leonard.

“I am shutting down all non-essential systems except navigation, impulse engines and life-support. Let us see if they can see us in the dark, thick fog,” Jim said, executing a complex set of operations.

“We are being hailed, Keptin,” Chekov announced with worry.

“Captain, please let me make one more attempt at reasoning with my Father.”

“Be my guest, Mr. Spock, by all means. I am just relieved that no one possesses the technology of attacking someone through the view-screen of a Starship,” Jim sighed, proceeding to connect the video-call and route it to the main Bridge display.”

“Yer’ wrong, laddie, he possesses that ability,” Scotty’s voice was suddenly heard from the back of the Bridge. He had come to his senses and requested to be allowed to go to the Bridge as once. As the second most stubborn man on the Enterprise, he actually succeeded in convincing Leonard to release him from Sickbay and they had both come to the Bridge.

“Wait, hold on,” Jim said, angrily. “You mean to say that you lost consciousness because Sarek of Vulcan attacked you somehow, during the previous video-interaction?”

“You could say that, yes.”

“Mr. Spock, is this actually possible? Am I putting anyone at risk here, by connecting this call?”

“Not that I know of, Captain; my race belongs to the species of touch-telepaths, which means that while we are able to communicate at long distance, mentally, we cannot harm anyone unless a physical contact is established.”

“I’m gonna trust Spock on this one,” Jim said and finally, once more, they were face to face with Sarek of Vulcan, beautiful and wrathful like a god of the ancient times, wanting revenge.

“You Will Give Me My Son,” he spoke, before even realizing he was talking straight to his own son, who was on the Commanding Chair.

“Your Majesty,” Spock said coldly. “I ask of you not to harm these people as they have done no harm to you.”

“How Dare You speak to me like that, ungrateful and disobedient child!”

“Together with these people, I have saved our quadrant from destruction. You know very well, _Father_ , that the Dominion and the Borg are the most dangerous species to ever threat our well-being. Having eliminated half of the threat does not grant me any attenuating circumstances?”

“NO.”

“Why?” Spock wanted to know, standing up and looking straight into his eyes, through the view-screen, but feeling very much as if they were standing in the same room, face to face.

“You brought shame to our royal family by choosing a human slave as a mate.”

“He is not a human slave. He is –“

“He is a whore! If a Kafeh sleeps with their owner, that makes him a whore!”

“I will never forgive you for these words,” Spock said and ended the communication with an abrupt gesture.

For the first time in his life he felt anger, pure anger. He had called Leonard a _whore!_

Leonard slowly left the Bridge.


	15. 13 Is Not a Good Number

Sarek did not care what his son thought, wanted or if he was ever going to “forgive him” – such silly, childish words. He would teach him a lesson to remember, not to mention he was, at this point, seriously considering disinheriting him. The disobedient offspring still had a chance to make up for his past mistakes. All he had to do was to come, fall at his Father’s feet and beg for forgiveness. Which he would grant, but not immediately.

Then, he would take him home on Vulcan and make sure his punishment, for having defied his Father and King, would be a harsh one. He would acquire, by any means possible, that shameless human, McCoy, and have his son remove their disgusting bond, which would undoubtedly end the human’s life quite abruptly. Spock had to watch. That will teach him. After that, Spock would do very low work for a while, say, for a year or so. Attend to his Father’s most basic needs, like a servant. Yes, this seemed like an appropriate plan.

They were now flying through a dense nebula – that stupid Captain had the most unfortunate ideas – really, did he actually think he could run? Yes, the nebula made the search for them difficult, but not impossible.

He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering all his mental energy and projecting it forward as he would do with a scanning sensor. Who could stand against the Vulcan King? Really, you had to laugh at their stupidity and naivety.

“Wuh-lan,” he then addressed another Vulcan who had the helm.

“Yes, Your Majesty?”

“They are at a distance of no more than 7 SMU from our port bow.”

“What are your orders, Your Majesty?”

Very pleasant manners, Sarek thought. Perhaps he would make good use of the navigator in his personal suite. Such obedient creatures were indeed rare. And to have the submission of another being was pleasant, to say the least.

“Set an intercept course, 21.752 degrees port. Prepare a blast of five torpedoes to penetrate their hull, then I want a sonic blast on a high frequency to render everyone unconscious. I will go retrieve my son with my own hands”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Very pleasant manners, indeed.

It was now the time to get to action, and stop the ship of those reckless Humans – let their own Starfleet Admiral deal with their acts of disobedience, he had – of course – monitored their discussions and knew that that Kirk-boy was in deep trouble.

“We are within weapons’ range, Your Majesty, and I have the sonic weapon ready, awaiting your orders.”

 

Scotty had a baseball hat on and his hands were full of grease. His eyes were dark and strong as if another being had grown inside of him and enhanced all the powers and essences of his own soul. He was working with bitterness and he was just spreading sharp orders around. His subordinates in Engineering had noticed he was acting funny but Scotty owed no one no explanations.

He cleaned his hands on his own red shirt which was dirty anyway, and proceeded towards Sickbay all of a sudden. He had a few surprises ready for all of them. And he meant – _all of them_. A time would come when they realized –

“Scotty. How are you feeling?” Leonard inquired as he saw the young Scotty come to Sickbay. He had already begun scanning him.

“Like shit, and so do you.”

“In my case it is a bit understandable, as I have just been called _a whore_ by Sarek of Vulcan.”

“Yeah. And? Yer’ heartbroken, or what?”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“I ain’t. It wasn’t Spock who called you that, or?”

“No. It was his Dad. You were there, for fuck’s sake.”

“Yea’ I was there alright. So why feel heartbroken? It is not as if you cared about anyone else, except Spock.”

“You do not necessarily have to be a complete asshole, you know, Scotty? It is damn hurtful to – “

“You know nothing about pain, so shut the hell up.”

Leonard gave him an apprehensive look.

“What in the name of hell is wrong with you, Scotty? Ever since you saw Sarek of Vulcan, you are acting like a crazy fuck,” Leonard said with sadness, even forgetting to shut the scanning tricorder down. “Why have you come to Medical anyway?”

“Do you have any spare Audiometric headphones?”

“There must be some in the storage area. Why the hell do you need Headphones?”

“I am going to perform some repairs near the main engine core and don’t wanna harm my sensitive ears.”

Leonard rolled his eyes because his colleague was acting really strange today. But after all, didn’t they all? To hell with all analysis… he just wanted to survive the day.

“I am sending my authorisation codes to your badge, go ahead and pick whatever headphones you want from storage and give me a break now.”

“Bye.”

Leonard shook his head. Scotty was really, really weird. He had always been weird, like all certified geniuses, but it seemed that right now he was simply weirder than ever. He noticed just then – that he had forgotten to shut the medical scanner off and the tool had recorded their entire conversation while taking constant readings of Scotty’s vital functions. Leonard decided to investigate this a bit, because the evolution curve of Scotty’s vital-signs looked strange at first glance on the tool’s mini-LCD display. He replayed the recording. Upon him having mentioned _Sarek of Vulcan_ ’s name, he could see that Scotty’s heart-rate accelerated severely, his pulse had increased – all of which were signs of a severe, strong emotion traversing his entire being – _oh, fuck!_ Leonard cursed internally as realization dawned upon him.

 

Scotty picked the most solid pair of headphones he could find in the storage room and already put them on.

“I’ll be damned, I’ll be doomed and burn in the deepest fires of hell if I’m gonna let you do this shit,” he was talking by himself. “So, you’ve grown bitter and act like Hitler, huh? Master of life and death and believing you have the right to dictate upon another being’s destiny? Well, I have got news for you, Mister Sarek of Vulcan. You have no rights upon anyone else’s destiny, except your own and mine. And you know it. You fucking know it. And you know what else I know? I know you’re not actually like this. I SEE behind this mask of… make-up you applied over your own soul. And I’m gonna rip it apart, because, y’know, someone’s gotta. And who’s gonna do it, if not a Scotsman? Fuck you, stupid king!” Scotty cursed with anger as he sensed his ship shaking and spinning out of control.

Those must have been the torpedoes. He walked out of the Storage area calmly, wearing the large pair of headphones and looking as if he was listening to cool, loud rock music. He had to hold on to something as the ship shook again – a second blast of torpedoes. Jim was not firing back. Bless Jim, that pure heart who knew they should not fire upon Sarek of Vulcan.

There was a moment of peace and silence and Scotty made good use of Leonard’s access codes which could help access any console across the ship in case of an emergency. The ship itself knew this was an emergency, because _his ship_ was intelligent. He connected to one of the main cameras which showed the Bridge, he wanted to see what the hell was going on there.

He saw Kirk cringing in pain, covering his ears and apparently screaming, which lasted for a few good minutes until he finally collapsed. An alarm started sounding throughout the ship, announcing that the Captain was unconscious.

“Fucking Damn You!!!” Scotty cursed pressing his hands against the headphones which were already protecting him so well, that he could not even hear the sound of his own voice.

He interfaced with the main Bridge console and ran a quick scan, to see where the shields had been deactivated. Section C3, floor 13.

“13 is not a good number,” Scotty continued to talk by himself. “And you know why? I’ll tell you why. Because yer’ gonna meet your fucking Doom.”

He picked a phaser rifle, armed it and proceeded to meet Sarek of Vulcan.


	16. Beautiful King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hear my soul dying, beautiful king!

Scotty entered the room just in time to see the transporter sequence commencing. He lifted the rifle, aiming with military precision as the silhouettes. As soon as the transporter sequence was complete, he fired. There were four guards standing around Sarek of Vulcan. He shot them, fast and clean, watching as they were collapsing to the ground. He knew Sarek was unarmed. He lifted the rifle for the fifth time and looked straight into his eyes.

He waited.

Sarek felt the world spinning around him!

What was this infuriating human doing here and where had he seen him before? But right now, there were far more important considerations – why was someone still conscious aboard the Enterprise and why had he shot his four guards dead?

“They are not dead,” Scotty spoke. “They are just out cold. They are going to stay that way until Leonard administers them a desegranine dose.”

He had uttered the words calmly, without passion, giving him time to come to terms with what was happening.

Sarek looked at him intently. Something was happening here, something raw, crude and merciless, something strong and bitter and life-altering. He blinked and looked again at the Human. He had the feeling that he, the great King Sarek of Vulcan, had been asleep for ages and he was just now opening his eyes for the first time. His shoulders fell and his stiff attitude softened. He had been so immersed in himself, for so long, that it was only now that he was noticing there were people and objects and things around him.

And then, he felt The Bond – heavy, bright as a burning pillar, strong as the essences of life, embedded in his consciousness and connecting him to the unknown Human standing in front of him, looking at him with defying eyes.

How come he hadn’t sensed this bond before, when had it even formed?!

Of course – of course, he realized. That was it. That moment when he had first discussed with the Enterprise crew, he had seen him for a fraction of a second. It was That Being which was destined to him since the dawn of Time, that being which you are prone to meet despite hardships, distances and differences. One word, one look, and you know you are meant to be together, your soul and theirs connect forever by indestructible forces which are stronger than Life itself – than Death itself.

His own son must have felt the same way when he had met Leonard.

The Human was aware of all his thoughts. Exceptionally endowed telepathically, with an intelligence which surpassed everything he had ever seen or imagined, the Human – Scott Montgomery – Scotty – filled every remaining space of his old heart within seconds.

“Put the rifle down, Scotty,” he said tiredly.

Scotty did so, throwing it down. He knew well there would be no more acts of violence.

Sarek stepped down from the transporter pad and advanced towards him slowly.

Scotty felt as if Light itself was walking towards him, waves of sunshine flowing out of the King’s entire being and filling the air with love, with perfume, with… Hope.

The King lifted one hand and attempted to touch his cheek.

Scotty made one step backwards.

“Ask for permission, King, you do not own me.”

Sarek lowered his eyes, his entire being transmitting a mute plea towards the Human which had broken everything inside him.

Scotty took the King’s beautiful hand and placed it on his own cheek. Their minds rushed towards one another with the force of an erupting volcano, desperate to merge, to embrace, to share, to give, to take, to be.

Scotty sighed, tears falling down from his cheeks.

Sarek lifted his chin and their lips lowly touched – it was a very soft touch, like that of a butterfly, not violent, not invasive, the promise of a shared happiness that feared to bloom.

“You are wrong here,” Sarek then murmured to his ear. “I own you.”

With a precise and merciless gesture, Scotty pressed a hypospray against the King’s neck and held him tight as he was collapsing, so as not to hurt himself. He lay them down on the floor and knelt for a moment near his unconscious figure. He took his hands into his and kissed them a hundred times, crying, crying!

He then lifted him in his arms – and he was heavy – a good, strong, well-built King weighing a good 198 pounds. He took him to the Bridge and placed him on a chair – most of the chairs were empty as the occupants had collapsed to the ground.

He armed his gun again, setting it to **Kill**. It was time to play the last card, a very dangerous one. He knew Vulcans could not lie, but Humans could, thank goodness for that – yes, he had no more honour left.

He pressed a few buttons and established a video communication with the Lead Vulcan ship.

He pointed the armed gun towards Sarek’s head.

Again, he waited, he knew that Vulcans would first scan and see if there was any real threat to their king. After a few moments, during which they had ascertained that the gun’s setting was Kill, one of the Vulcans lifted his arms in a gesture of surrender, which reminded Scotty of a similar gesture he had seen at Spock upon negotiating.

“Cut the crap and don’t even _attempt_ to negotiate. I know all the tricks.”

“Please, do not hurt our King, his life is invaluable,” the Vulcan then tried a humbler approach, perhaps this would work.

“Listen carefully and follow my instructions accordingly. I know your exact strategy from the King himself. I know you have 60 remaining torpedoes, that you used a sonic weapon to render my crew unconscious, that you wanted to retrieve Spock and his Kafeh and then to kill the Kafeh as a punishment for Spock. I know the field harmonics of your shields, the type of matrix you use in your dilithium chamber and the exact speed you employed in the last month!”

There was an eerie silence aboard the Vulcan ship. They were seriously considering the fact that the Human could read all their thoughts and perhaps even see through solid objects and empty space. A Human which was so dangerous, could easily kill their beloved king.

“What are your instructions?” the Vulcan asked, softly, worried and no longer attempting to negotiate, he just wanted to take the King out of the hands of that ruthless human.

“Lower your shields. I will then disarm all your weapons myself. If you comply and do not try any stupid things, I will return your king to you. I will also transport a dose of the medicine which revives him, along with him. It takes effect in 12 minutes. You will set a course towards Vulcan and leave immediately. Upon waking, your King will give you further instructions and then you may take a different course of action. Your guards remain in my custody and they will be treated according to the Human laws that punish any attempt at unauthorised transport aboard a vessel, aggravated by the carrying of loaded weapons. They will not be **mis** treated.”

The Vulcan looked at his other crew-mates, no doubt exchanging impressions and suggesting ideas to one another through their network of bonds. Scotty waited patiently, but every passing second in which he held a gun at Sarek’s head filled his young heart with sorrow and despair. Still… it was necessary.

“We are lowering our shields,” the Vulcan said wearily. He just wanted to retrieve King Sarek safely. Then, they will see.

Scotty used his left hand to quickly input a set of operations on the console which he had interfaced with the Vulcan ship. Quite soon he was finished. He placed another hypospray in one of the pockets of Sarek’s robe and straightened up.

“Power on your engines and set a course to Vulcan, come on, let me see you doing it.”

The Vulcan complied immediately.

“Good. Very good. Transporting your King now and you shall leave. Do not even think of trying something stupid, you have no more weapons and you stand no chance against the Enterprise. I could destroy you with a single blast.”

Now that they had seen what this Human could do, they were absolutely sure he was not kidding…

Faithful to his promise, Scotty then beamed King Sarek back to his ship. He was pleased to observe that they immediately left, and Scotty sighed and turned the view-screen off and collapsed near the empty chair on which Sarek had sat.

He cried for endless, endless hours until he lost consciousness, because the greater the distance between Sarek and himself, the greater the pain.

*

The sonic weapon which had overloaded the nervous systems of everyone aboard the ship was designed as such, that there was no immediate antidote – it was like car-sickness; you felt bad during the process and for a little while after, but the effects eventually wore out and you would come back to your senses by yourself. Jim was among the first to wake up, noticing many of his officers were still unconscious, scattered on the Bridge, along the corridors, at their respective stations – wherever the sonic blast had caught them. He did not even give Scotty another thought, he was just another unconscious crewman at the time.

Leonard came to the Bridge as soon as he was operational. His first duty was to the Captain, not to mention he was dead-worried for Spock whose hear was much more sensitive than that of humans and he must have experienced great distress. There was also the possibility that he had been abducted! But he had taken care to check if Commander Spock was aboard the ship as soon as he had awoken, to which he had gotten an affirmative answer.

“How are you feeling, Jim?” he asked, whilst amply scanning him and already administering several hyposprays to him.

“Like hell. I’m fine, check on Spock.”

Leonard would normally complain and tell Jim he was not the boss there and that he would not admit any protests to whatever medical treatment he would deem fit, but right now, he just wanted to see how Spock was.

“Master?” he asked softly, approaching him to see how he was.

“I am functioning adequately, Doctor. Your services are not required.”

The brutal dismissal gave Leonard cold shivers. He swallowed hard, waiting, he felt there was something else to come.

“Doctor, it is my duty to inform you that my lack of right judgment has endangered the crew-embers of this Starship, its Captain as well as yourself. Given the situation which I cannot tolerate, I will discontinue any personal relationship between ourselves from this moment on and immediately inform my Father of the situation. Captain, as soon as possible I shall resign my commission which you have so generously granted to me and return to my home planet. I cannot continue to endanger your lives thus.”

Leonard felt his own soul was turning into stone.

He turned around and left the Bridge.


	17. The Needs Of The Many

Jim had the distinct feeling he was missing something out. Something huge, terrible and important had taken place and he could not pinpoint what it was. He felt he was living the last pages of a Shakespearian play. Sarek of Vulcan had left without no explanation, after having threatened them that he would practically walk on their cold corpses if necessary, to retrieve his son. Sulu and Spock had confirmed there was no ship in the vicinity, no danger to them whatsoever.

So then – why, for the love of God, why had Spock given up on Leonard and decided to leave? Was Spock in contact with his Father telepathically, perhaps? Was his Father blackmailing him on such a level that Spock simply **had** to obey?

And Leonard – what was going on with his Friend? After having been informed by Spock (ah! In the middle of a fucking crowded Bridge) that he will discontinue any… “relationship”, Leonard had left the Bridge and resumed his duties in the Medical Bay, as if absolutely nothing had happened. It simply terrified Jim. Because he knew for sure that his friend Leonard adored and worshipped and loved and beyond-loved Spock. And that he could not live without him.

Not paying any attention to the complicated route out of the nebula which Sulu had undertaken, in an attempt to avoid some large asteroid fragments that could damage their already-damaged hull, Jim realized that Leonard was functioning on automated pilot. And the day Spock would walk out of there, Leonard would cease to exist.

On the other hand, Spock was just trying to have an honourable position about the whole thing. It hurt Jim to see that Spock had chosen honour over love. That was a stupid thing to do.

He stood up.

Sulu perceived the Captain’s gesture with the corner of his eye, sensitive as ever to the slightest movement Jim would do at any given moment, because no one knew, but Jim was his god – and not only his.

“Something you require, Captain?”

“I need to speak to Doctor McCoy at once. Spock, you have the Bridge.”

“Aye, Captain,” Spock replied professionally, because his shift hadn’t ended and he respected Jim too much to simply throw the Badge on the table and leave – besides, he depended on the Enterprise to be taken to Vulcan.

Jim went straight to Medical Bay, to find Leonard calmly going about his normal routine, checking each patient individually, adjusting medicine dosage, checking monitors and sorting-out tools.

“Bones.”

“Please refrain from using that nickname, Captain,” Leonard said coldly.

Good God, Leonard had never talked to him like that. It was much worse than he had imagined.

“Very well, _Doctor_ ,” Jim said, not without a trace of irony. “Might I see you in your office, please?”

Leonard spent a few moments instructing his assistant about what procedures needed to be undergone next, and then he followed Jim to the room which he rarely used – his office.

“What is it, Jim?” he then asked, on a softer and slightly more vulnerable tone.

“I came to see how you were holding on.”

“I am fine.”

“The hell you are.”

“I said I am fine,” he repeated, starting to sound exasperated.

“I know a liar when I see one, and you needn’t insult me by trying so hard to lie to me, Bones, Stupid! I am your friend, for what it’s worth.”

“I am going to die.”

Jim took a deep breath upon hearing this, because he knew it was the crude truth.

“Okay. What can I do to prevent this?”

“He is stubborn like you; you could convince him to stay, and I would be able to go on living just by… _existing_ on the same ship. But he needs to meld, and he rejected me, so I guess he needs to be taken home and provided with another mind to link with, and fast. He cannot make it through 24 of our hours without melding.”

“Oh, fuck melding. I could even force him to stay. But I have the distinct impression that would only make things worse.”

“No matter, Jim. My life WILL end, please let us not be melodramatic about it.”

“Shit,” Jim said, wanting to simply break every single object in the room.

He had to think of something. He had to do something.

“Thank you for your time, Doctor,” he then added and left the office, choosing a random corridor and just walking, walking without a precise destination in mind, he just needed to think.

He flipped his communicator open.

“Lieutenant Uhura, are we within communications’ range with Earth?”

“Affirmative, Captain, as we have just cleared the nebula.”

“Patch me through to Pike.”

“On which console, Captain?”

“On my communicator.”

“Sorry, sir? On your communicator? With Starfleet Command?” That is very –“

“Everything is _very_ today, Lieutenant, so just please. Do as I asked you to.”

“Yes, Sir. Patching you through now.”

He was going to have another uncomfortable conversation, for Pike was well within his rights to have him court-martialled on the spot for having disobeyed a direct order.

“I hope there is a damn good explanation for this, Kirk,” Pike snapped at him, wanting to know so much more than why he was breaking any known protocol by requesting a communicator discussion and not a priority one, recorded, video conversation with him standing!

“Yeah, listen. We were in pursuit by Sarek of Vulcan.”

“I happen to know that.”

“Well, he used a sonic weapon on us, that bastard.”

“I told you not to do this, to give him his son back and leave them alone. For the flagrant breaking of the Prime Directive, I could…”

“He did not retrieve his son. He changed his mind and left.”

“Vulcans do not _change their minds._ ”

“Bullshit. **My** Vulcan just changed his mind, after having sworn he will not give up his mate for anything in the world. One hour later, he was all like, you know, changed my mind, cannot endanger these people, thanks, bye.”

“Is this an official report, Kirk?”

“Oh, for the love of God, Christopher, does this even remotely look like an official report? Is it really necessary for you to be a complete asshole? I am having two people on this fucking ship that cannot live one without another, and that will die within hours of being separated. Can you stop this bullshit about regulations and reports for a moment and actually _help me_ save two lives which are so very dear and precious to me?”

There was an odd silence at the other end of the line.

“I shall contact the Vulcan High Council and see what King Sarek had to declare.”

“Thanks. I love you.”

“Declarations of love won’t save you from Court Martial.”

“Okay.”

Jim ended the conversation abruptly as he bumped straight into Scotty, which reminded him he hadn’t gotten the chance to see him at all as of late, especially since his fainting episode which had been so strange and unexplained.

He looked at the young engineer carefully. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in ages, he looked positively ill and exhausted.

“You look like hell.”

“Thanks, Jim, you too. What is going on with Spock and Leonard?”

“They broke up. Spock requested that we should take him to Vulcan.”

“But they will die. One cannot be apart from the true, singular love of their life, their mate. Both of them will die within hours of the actual separation.”

“Yeah. Leonard told me the same thing. Spock does not seem to understand it.”

“Go and tell him to come to his senses because if Sarek left, that means he finally understood and accepted what he cannot change.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“How so?”

“I am an Engineer. I know everything.”

“Please, be serious, Scotty. If you know something which I do not…”

“I know for a fact that Sarek of Vulcan is no longer a threat to them, therefore go and convince your greenblooded hobgoblin to proceed and fix things with Leonard.”

“How do you know this for a fact, Scotty?” Jim asked, looking straight into his eyes, observing him very carefully.

It was just then that Jim’s communicator beeped. Damn! A Text message, what the hell? He hadn’t gotten one in ages! He flipped it open to read the content from Christopher Pike:

“King Sarek ill. No longer any danger to ENT. Come home. I need to see you.”

He wanted to read the message to Scotty and ask for his opinion, but when he looked up from the device, Scotty had already gone. He made a mental note to investigate the issue further and returned to the Bridge.

“Mr. Sulu, set a course to Earth. Mr. Spock, to my ready-room at once.”

Another uncomfortable conversation was about to take place, Jim knew it, but there was no other way.

“Captain?”

“I do not accept your resignation, Mr. Spock. You have been given a Starfleet rank and a commission aboard the Enterprise. You will stay here, perform your duty admirably as you always do, and fix things with your mate.”

“Leonard is – “

“your _mate._ SHUT UP.”

Taken aback by such a violent order, Spock remained silent.

“Sarek could have destroyed us, yet he did not. Something happened. I presume he came aboard, he melded with you or with Leonard or something, understood how much you love each other and left. I have confirmation from Starfleet that he has returned home and declared he is sick.”

“I Am Sorry? My Father is sick?”

“That is what he declared.”

“Forgive me, Captain, but if that is the case, it is obligatory for me to go and see him. If he declared he is sick, then he truly is. He has never been ill even for a day in his entire life. His condition must be very serious!”

“I think it is just a diplomatic lie, to account for the way he reconsidered the entire thing, Spock.”

“Diplomacy, Captain, cannot be founded on lies and my father is the last person in the known universe to speak untrue words. No, I am telling you what the truth is: he has fallen suddenly ill and his attendants took him home at once. This is the only reason for which he has given his initial plan up.”

Jim wanted to just slap him.

“You, heartless robot, you! If you leave Leonard, he will die!”

“I know, Captain,” Spock said after a few moments of silence. “I know he will die. My survival is also unlikely.”

“Then why, why??”

“Because I need to protect you and the people aboard this ship, Jim. Because I have grown to know you and to be fond of you and of our… my crewmates. Leonard and myself might perhaps die, but you will survive and thrive. I know you think that perhaps Father will die and then there will no longer be a threat, but it is not exactly so, the Vulcan High Council will never let you live this down. They will hunt you down and destroy you and every single being on this ship, for the same you – we – brought to Vulcan. And I cannot allow that to happen.”

“It is preferable for you and Leonard to die, yeah?”

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, Captain.”

“That is the absolute greatest bullshit I have ever heard in my life.”

“Captain…”

“No, listen, listen!”

Scotty frowned towards the console he had used to hack into the security system installed in the Captain’s ready-room, because he had to be privy to that conversation. He had to know what was being told there. Okay, so someone was stubborn. Someone had to see how far love would go.

Upset, Scotty removed one delicate crystal from the Dilithium matrix of the Warp core and negligently dropped it on the floor. It tore into a million pieces and the Enterprise came to an abrupt dead-stop.


	18. Sleeping On Your Doorstep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished this earlier and I thought I should post it.

Jim was quite abruptly sent straight into Spock’s arms when the ship came to a dead-stop. He did not want to, but the sudden contact projected a multitude of feelings – from Jim’s consciousness straight onto Spock’s. For the first time, the Vulcan had the possibility to read his Captain amply and realize that Jim only wanted to _fix things_ for him. Jim wanted to help; Jim was ready to sacrifice anything for the sake of him, of Leonard – not that they were in any way special – but because he would have done the same for any other crew-member. Jim had such a dedication and loyalty for his crew, that he would have stopped at nothing to ensure their safety and well-being.

For a brief moment, they just looked into each other’s eyes.

Then, Jim came back to his senses and rushed out of the ready-room, followed by Spock.

“Report, Mr. Sulu!”

But before his pilot managed to even say a word, Jim noticed that there was blood coming out of his nose. He rushed to him immediately.

“You’re hurt. Kirk to Medical, Bones, I need you up here!”

“On my way,” Leonard said professionally, even though he already had his hands full. The Bridge crew had to be treated first, as their lives depended on them – or did they?

Spock went back to his station, trying to ascertain the condition of the ship.

“Kirk to Engineering, Scotty, report!”

“One of the crystals of the Dilithium chamber broke. We ain’t goin’ nowhere, Captain.”

“How can a Dilithium crystal just _break_ , Mr. Scott? It is beyond me.”

“It exploded. Shall I send you a picture of the thing?”

“Jesus, no! Uhura, get me Starfleet command,” Jim continued to display orders as calmly as he could. “Mr. Sulu, come to me, please,” he added as he saw Leonard enter the Bridge, carrying a heavy Emergency Kit bag on his shoulder.

The familiar image of Christopher Pike reappeared on the screen – he did not even manage to say anything, for example _What have you done this time?_ – he just took a moment to observe the Bridge interactions, since it seemed someone was injured.

Sulu had gotten up from his console, with blood flowing off his nose – and had lost balance midway between his chair and Jim’s. Jim had caught him in his arms and placed him on the Captain’s chair, for Leonard to provide emergency care to him.

“Why d’you make him stand up from his console, huh? I would have gone to him,” Leonard shook his head proceeding to scan him and trying to ignore the fact that he was in the same room with Spock.

“Wanted to see if he hit his head and has problems with his balance, which we already know he has, please look after him.” Jim finally straightened and looked towards the view-screen. “Sorry, Sir.”

Christopher Pike just lifted an eye-brow, still watching the scene with well-hidden admiration. The way Jim was attending to a minor injury of a Bridge-crew member was simply… heart-warming. It said a lot about the young Captain.

“Our engine died.”

“Is this an off-“

“NO. The hell with – okay, fine!” Jim snapped, seeing him frown. “Permission to report, Admiral, Sir. Our Warp Core engine suddenly malfunctioned, I do not know the details as of yet, but will send them to you as soon as they are available. We require assistance.”

“Wasn’t so hard, huh?” Pike said, still regretful of having done that, as it may have endangered Jim’s image in the eyes of his co-workers. “Dispatching a ship with a new Dilithium matrix, it will be there in 16 hours. Pike out.”

Jim rubbed his eyes tiredly as he flipped his communicator open.

“Scotty, I contacted Starfleet. They are sending a new Warp matrix. They say it will take 16 hours, why the hell do you think it takes so long?”

“Basic Math. We are 16 Light-Years from Earth. Maximum speed of a craft transporting raw Dilithium is One-Quarter Impulse, meaning one light-year per hour.”

“Okay. I need a report of the fault for Starfleet, you have 30 minutes. Kirk out.”

If Scotty was going to give him the attitude, he will respond in the same manner. He didn’t know all the subtleties of how Dilithium had to be transported; I mean, Jesus Christ, he was a Starship Captain, not the fucking Wikipedia. He came to the middle of the Bridge and looked at his exhausted crew-members.

“May I have your attention, please. Doctor McCoy, please transport Lieutenant Sulu to Medical Bay. Spock, you are the strongest here, help him. Bones looks like he has a dislocated shoulder. Shut up Bones, it is obvious. Spock, make sure that once in Medical Bay, as soon as Lieutenant Sulu’s condition is stable, Bones gets that shoulder back in place. Report back to me every 5 minutes with progress. Mr. Chekov, sit at navigation.”

“Mmmme??” the young whizz-kid asked in astonishment.

“Is there anyone else here with the name of Chekov, Pavel Andrejevich? Yes, I mean you.”

Beaming at his Captain’s praise and trust, Pavel rushed to fulfil his orders. Jim then turned to Spock.

“What part of my orders did you not understand, Commander?” he asked harshly.

“Everything is clear, Captain,” Spock said, reluctant as he was to go closer to Leonard, because it was so difficult, so difficult, so difficult to endure, to be near him and not to be able to… have him, to touch him, he had to keep his resolve, he had to leave this people alone. He had brought enough, more than enough problems.

He lifted Lieutenant Sulu in his strong arms, but before that, he picked Leonard’s bag and placed it on his shoulder, he would not let him carry anything, especially since he was already injured.

“Come along, Doctor.”

“Yes, Master,” Leonard said softly, just because he had but little energy left, not because he was being discrete.

Spock’s soul filled with pride and desire and sorrow, and life was hell.

“Was the Captain okay? Did you scan him? Was he alright?” Sulu inquired, trying no to be very embarrassed by the questions which sounded positively obsessive.

“He was fine, Lieutenant,” Leonard replied, carefully avoiding using his given name.

Spock blinked a few times as Lieutenant Sulu’s feelings of adoration towards his own Captain were being broadcast to him.

“Sorry, I guess I am very obvious,” the Pilot blushed.

“…you are,” Spock acknowledged. “It is admirable and brave, Lieutenant, to love him thus, even outside any hope of your feelings being returned.”

“I know he does not love me. There are no problems. When you truly love someone, you do not expect anything back. Seeing that person – and I am lucky enough to see him every day – is just enough.”

Spock looked into Leonard’s eyes, sorrowfully. Leonard lowered his eye-lids.

They arrived in the Medical Bay and Spock made sure that the Captain’s orders were fulfilled to the letter. He waited patiently while Leonard was running scans and stabilising Mr. Sulu’s condition, then he advised that Doctor McCoy himself had an injured shoulder. He cringed when foreign hands touched him, removed his shirt, repositioned his shoulder and when Leonard gasped in pain. He sent reports to the Captain.

“Spock here, Captain. Is my presence still necessary on the Bridge?” he inquired, using the communicator.

“You are excused with the only condition that you take Leonard with you and you have some rest together.”

“Spock out.”

Spock remained in the doorway of the Medical Bay, looking at Leonard. His assistant was trying to convince him to put another shirt on, which Leonard couldn’t do by himself, but still he refused help. He came closer to him and took the shirt from the assistant. He rolled up the sleeves and offered it to Leonard, who immediately complied and proceeded to put it on.

Such submission, the way he gave himself to him… it was just too much. He had abandoned Leonard, and Leonard hadn’t given up. Leonard was still his, he could see it, Leonard had remained faithful to his word – unlike him! – and –

Spock closed his eyes, tears were falling from them.

“Master,” Leonard murmured.

Spock said neither yes, nor no. He just opened his eyes and looked at Leonard.

“You are tired. Let me take you to your quarters and look after you.”

Spock shivered at the thought. Leonard walking two steps behind him. Leonard opening the door for him. Leonard on his knees, kissing his hand. Making him dinner. Laying near him on the bed, meldingmeldingmeldingmelding!!!!!! Kissing him for hours, taking him, loving him.

“Master?” Leonard repeated, seeing him staring blankly.

“Doctor, please refrain from calling me thus. It is against my will and it makes me suffer, which I am sure you do not wish to. It is not necessary for you to accompany me. Thank you for your care and I wish you a good rest.”

Leonard just swallowed hard and looked downwards.

Spock left to his own quarters.

Leonard finished dressing, took a blanket from the shelf and went to Spock’s quarters too. There was no more will to live inside him and therefore no more pride, no more judgment, he functioned guided only by the deaf and blind love he harboured for Him. He was on the short path to self-destruction and he didn’t care. Brainwashed. It did not matter.

He lay down in front of Spock’s door, on the corridor, ignoring the strange looks given by his co-workers. He covered himself with the blanket.

Mad, he had gotten mad. No, he had not. If _loving so much_ means you are crazy, then so be it.

*

With the reporting padd under his arm, Scotty passed on that same corridor some five minutes later.

He stopped, looking at Leonard sleeping on the floor on Spock’s doorstep – a door which was closed.

He looked again, capturing the entire heart-breaking image in his formidable mind and projecting it onto the Mind which was perfectly attuned to his – because only one person could change this, only one person could heal these broken lives. And he had to come.

/// Come, powerful King. Undo the damage which you have done. I will not be in your way. Come, I urge you. Come and look after your children. ///

He then erected two force-fields at the two ends of the corridor, so that the passers-by would be forced to undertake alternative routes. These people needed to be left alone now, until help arrived.

He took a deep breath and went to the Bridge, to deliver his report.


	19. When Darkness Falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hurts.

Sarek of Vulcan was ill. He himself having been separated by his own mate and somehow betrayed by his actions, he barely managed to exist anymore. He had not intended to leave Scotty behind, nor to abandon him. The bond was already there, so there was no point in denying it or in even trying to change it. But Mr. Scott’s actions had been so ruthless, that he did not even know where he stood – he felt… rejected, even though he had access to his mate’s formidable mind at any given moment.

They had connected with each other over a view-screen, in a fraction of a second, without even speaking, it was so extraordinary. When he finally perceived the Bond, somehow, the proud, fearless King had sort-of hoped that Scotty would drop everything and fall on his knees in front of him and just follow him everywhere.

But Montgomery Scott was just not that person. He had defied the Beautiful King and the powerful bond and used his presence aboard the Enterprise to turn things in favour of his colleagues and friends. Sarek had felt… betrayed, even though he also knew he had no right to feel so. Even if love dawns with the force of lightning, you cannot treat the other one as if they were a mere object. Where there is love, there shouldn’t be any destruction. And Sarek did not want to bring him any harm.

He kept their minds strongly connected; at times, he received words, images, thoughts. He did not read anything by himself. He waited and received, and expected, and hoped.

And then, the message came.

/// Come, powerful King. Undo the damage which you have done. I will not be in your way. Come, I urge you. Come and look after your children. ///

However a Human could transmit such a complex sentence, with images attached, with no prior telepathic training whatsoever, it remained a mystery. Or perhaps, Sarek thought whilst getting out of bed and dressing in his most splendid robe, perhaps Montgomery Scott was a formidably strong being and no one was aware of this quite yet. He himself was just learning.

“Your Majesty,” his attendant said with a deep bow. “You have a conference request from Starfleet Command.”

“Thank you, Alainn. Reroute it here, I have finished dressing.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” the attendant said, joyful to see his King up on his feet again, and beautiful as ever.

Sarek pressed a button on the console, connecting through the video-conference with a Human dressed in Starfleet Uniform.

“Greetings, Your Majesty, King Sarek of Vulcan,” the Human began according to the protocol, and Sarek could tell he was stressed. “Thank you for having graciously accepted to talk to me. Allow me to introduce myself: Admiral Christopher Pike from Starfleet Command Center.”

“Greetings, Admiral,” Sarek said on his kindest possible tone. “How may I be of assistance?”

“We are well aware of the Enterprise situation and how Captain James Kirk has offended you by – “

Sarek lifted one hand, stopping him mid-sentence. It was a gesture of authority, but the reason behind it was not what Christopher Pike would have suspected.

“Please, Admiral. There is no need to explain. I have no issues against the Enterprise or any member of its crew anymore. My son included.”

“May I ask the reason for which you have reconsidered?”

“You may not, and I apologize for this.”

Christopher felt his cheeks burn. Gosh! Why did he even ask such a dumb thing?

“Admiral, I was on my way back to the Enterprise right now, as my son and his mate are in great need of assistance. Their situation can only be solved by me. Let me assure you that there will be no acts of violence; I will travel accompanied by my attendant only, aboard my private ship.”

“That is dangerous, if I may. Your Majesty, I was sending a ship to them myself anyway. Their engine malfunctioned and they are stuck 16 light-years from here in the Barnard System. I am considering piloting it myself ad want to ask you if you would like to… join me,” he finally managed. He hoped he hadn’t broken any etiquette rules and that the King would not find his proposition entirely preposterous.

“I graciously accept, Admiral. Would you grant me the opportunity to pilot?”

“Huh? Um… sure. By all means! But have you ever – I mean?”

Gosh, it was official, he was making a fool of himself.

“I _have never_ , as you say,” Sarek said – and he _smiled._ But I believe you will grant me access to your mind for a few moments, to share piloting information, and in return, you may find out there is something to share on my behalf as well.

“I’ll pick you up in 40 Standard minutes; we are transporting Dilithium crystals for their engine, I hope that is not a problem,” Pike said, trying to restrain his excitement. Why the hell were they saying that Sarek of Vulcan was a power-crazed, insane, heartless bastard? He was actually cool.

“Excellent,” Sarek said. “And not at all a problem for the Dilithium cargo. A pity their careless Engineer broke it.”

“Um, what? I have gotten a different report from Kirk!”

“Indeed? If you ask me, Admiral, that reckless boy is only looking for troubles.”

“Are you now referring to Kirk, or to the Engineer Scott?”

“Actually, to both. I will see you soon, Chris, looking forward to your arrival. If you excuse me, I shall go eat something.”

Pike nearly choked upon being called _Chris_ by the feared Vulcan King. And then he thought: just as love at first sight existed, perhaps friendship at first sight existed too.

 

*

Spock felt ill beyond words. He would welcome Death with his arms open wide if it came Right Now. He could not live without Melding M e l d i n g – M.e.l.d.i.n.g.

He rolled off the bed and fell on the hard floor.

Needed his Kafeh, needed needed.

NO – no Kafeh.

He could no longer use him, he had already abandoned him and destroyed him and he knew perfectly well that Leonard will die and that him, too, welcomed death, because they just could not be apart. Kafeh or not Kafeh – Leonard was the only person he had ever wanted, he had ever loved – his light, his life, his very reason for being, he knew it – Leonard was everything, and yet he could not – why couldn’t he?

Leonard –

His reason began to darken; he felt Leonard close, and yet farther and farther away, this was it. Death was coming, bitter and dark and he wish he could have just touched Leonard’s hand one more time.

He had ruined everything – his blissful union with Leonard – for what, for a stupid sense of duty! What duty? He had no honour, he no longer had any honour from the day he had slept with his Kafeh. That had been his last honourable day. He should have just taken his Kafeh and run away somewhere and be with him, on a distant planet where no one would find them.

A nice dream to have in the last hours of life.

The way his mind rushed to welcome his!

The way his lips tasted, bitter-sweet and hot with desire and want.

The way his body would just surrender, not a single muscle rebelled!

The way he had never asked for a single pleasurable touch, but always gave, gave, gave.

And now, in the last hour of life, despite having received so much, he still had nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

He extended his hand towards his communicator and could not reach it.

Darkness fell, heavy and horrible. Unescapable. It had begun.

You know the moment you begin dying, and you know there is no one to hold your hand at the other end.

 

*

 

/// 28 minutes. ///

Scotty lifted his head upon perceiving the impersonal ETA – but then again, he expected nothing more. He abandoned the conduit he was working on and wiped his hands on his shirt like he always did – the bathroom was too far. He went to the Bridge.

Jim was sitting at navigation, restless and hardworking as ever, and ready to just replace any crewman in need, like he was doing now for Sulu, who was still recovering in the Medical Bay. No wonder half the ship adored and worshipped him.

“Cap’n.”

“Huh?” Jim murmured, startled. Scotty had been hostile towards him as of late and it was hurtful.

“King Sarek is comin’. We need to get the Shuttlebay cleared.”

Jim rubbed his eyes.

“How do you even know that, Scotty?”

“However I know that, it is of no relevance, we have 27 minutes to have the shuttlebay ready and it is really full of junk and debris from during the attack.”

Jim stood up.

“I won’t have any more of this Sarek-of-Vulcan bullshit. You seem to be perfectly aware of his actions as if you were in some sort of secret relationship. All I get from you, _Lieutenant_ ,” Jim added pointedly, “are bits of mysterious information that make no sense.”

“He contacted me telepathically,” Scotty said, trying to see if the crude truth would resonate with Jim better.

Jim’s eyes narrowed. He just stared at his Engineer for a few moments.

“And he’s coming over. To retrieve his son. Right?”

“He is coming to help.”

“Okay. Here is what you are going to do, Mr. Scott. You are going to go to Medical Bay and admit yourself in. Tell Dr. McCoy that I sent you. You are as of now, relieved of duty.”

“For what reason?”

“Heavy hallucinations. Now go and spare me the embarrassment of asking security to escort you there.”

“No problem. I am going.”

Scotty left the Bridge and – as he was walking towards the Shuttlebay – his own eyes filled with tears. It hurt. Damn, it hurt.


	20. My Leonard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No longer there.

His eyes were red with tears as he was clearing the junk out of the way so that the shuttle carrying Sarek of Vulcan would have a place to land. When the Enterprise had been attacked - by the same Sarek of Vulcan - a lot of damage had been made all around the ship. Scotty and his teams had already dealt with the critical repairs but removing junk out of the way had just been impossible until now.

Angrily, he used one of the functioning antigravitational units which were used to carry heavy boxes from one place to another, do just push stuff out of the way. 

Sarek needn't advise him about any ETA. He could sense him approach with every pore in his body. He would see him - oh God. He would see him, and that would probably be it. No time to even discuss anything, not to mention Sarek wouldn't probably even look at him, considering what Scotty had done to him - to just jab a hypospray onto his neck, in the middle of an embrace. Such betrayal. 

He opened the shuttlebay doors and, to his surprise, he recognized one of the Federation shuttles. He was expecting the Vulcan shuttlecraft... oh well, it looked like surprises were far from reaching an end. He straightened his back as the bay was repressurising and he adjusted the temperature accordingly, because the Vulcan King could not manage their 14 degrees Celsius environment. 

The doors opened.

Scotty's heart-rate accelerated severely and he felt he was simply going to lose consciousness. Only sheer strong-will and stubbornness still kept him on his feet. 

He thought that life had no more surprises in for him, but when he saw Christopher Pike, dressed in Standard Uniform, offering his arm to Sarek of Vulcan, he almost gasped in surprise.

It was as if everything was happening in slow motion. The King, dressed in a splendid white robe with light-green geometric symbols, had slowly taken Christopher Pike's arm to be able to descend from the shuttle. One step, two, three, then he stopped and looked straight at him.

Straight into his eyes.

Scotty did not even blink. 

The strength, the beauty, the force of those piercing eyes!

Scotty felt the organic impulse to look downwards but he resisted to it. He bowed to no one. Not even to the powerful, splendid king who –

"Mr. Scott, where the hell is everyone?" Pike said, a bit upset by the way they had been welcomed: a dirty shuttlebay, debris all over the place, canisters and cargo boxes which had obviously just been pushed out of the way. It was preposterous.

Scotty was still too shocked and overwhelmed by the presence of His King. Did they actually kiss, or had it been a dream, a hallucination?

He blinked and, with great effort, he looked away from his eyes, focusing on Pike with difficulty.

He shrugged because really, what kind of a question was that?

"If by everyone you mean Jim Kirk, he's on the Bridge. Spock is in his quarters. McCoy is outside his quarters on the floor. And now if you'll excuse me, I have been relieved of duty and need to report to Medical Bay."

"Huh? What the - wait a minute, Lieutenant!" Pike snapped at him. "Relieved of duty? Why in the hell for?"

"Hallucinations."

"My Son needs immediate assistance, his life is in grave danger," Sarek said, coming closer to Scotty. "Would you take me to him at once?"

Scotty looked at him just for a second more.

"This way," he said, at the same time offering his own communicator to Pike, so that he could contact his precious Jim himself.

He then rushed on the corridors, picking the shortest possible route, followed by Sarek and Pike who were trying to keep up. He could almost hear the King's thoughts concerning his own robe which was preventing him from running faster. 

Pike flipped the communicator open and contacted the Bridge.

"What is it again?" Jim inquired on the same snappish tone which he had used with Scotty all day, presuming it was him again.

"Report to Mr. Spock's quarters at once, Kirk. Bring two full crash teams with stretchers, and better pray they are still alive."

"Huh? Who is this???!"

"Christopher Pike."

"Oh, fuck."

"Mind your words, Kirk. I am not alone here."

"I am on my way to you now," Jim said breathing hard; he had simultaneously dispatched several orders towards the medical teams and he himself was rushing towards Spock's room. "Who else is with you?"

"King Sarek of Vulcan"

"Oh My God."

"You can say that again."

 

Scotty removed the force-fields he had placed on the respective corridor and together they rushed towards Leonard who had not moved an inch, Scotty could tell because he had seen him there many hours before. It was terrifying. Sarek collapsed on his knees near him, taking his pulse, initiating a light meld. He was alive! He lifted him in his arms, holding him tight to his chest. The Human was barely clinging to life, his skin already colder than normal and his breath shallow - what had he done!? - but no, not the right time for regrets.

Scotty, as usual, anticipated what they needed. Just as Jim and the medical teams were arriving, Scotty had managed to override the door-lock (because there was nothing he could not override, except his own heart).

Spock was on the floor, unconscious.

"Wait for my orders and do not touch them yet," Sarek commanded. If he was to save the lives of those two beings - his  _children_ \- things had to be done in a certain order.

He placed Leonard on the bed.

He went and picked his son from the floor and took him to bed as well, placing Leonard in his arms.

He melded with both of them simultaneously, profoundly, reaching deep to the roots of their bond, bringing them both back for the darkness. 

He connected their minds tightly together, tighter than he even thought it was possible; the bond brightened up spectacularly, as if on fire, making the darkness dissipate, making life return.

 

"I had no idea, I sent them both to rest, I couldn't have known – " Jim told Pike, they were both watching Sarek.

The Admiral turned towards him and gave him a harsh look which meant _Silence_.

Jim was crying. He had never before cried in front of other people. He could not help himself. He had failed his friends and his God who was standing right there by his side and everyone else.

Sarek had effectively gotten on the bed near Spock and Leonard, summoning the medical teams closer so that they would begin working. Both Spock and Leonard needed immediate care for their weakened bodies as well; they were cold, dehydrated, dirty. IVs were started, Sarek offered his own arm for an emergency blood transfusion for Spock; he kept melding with both of them alternatively, assessing their condition and providing feedback to the doctors. When Spock moaned in pain at some point, Sarek's heart filled with joy - it meant he was going to regain consciousness! He was not going to lose his only child.

Sarek's heart was trembling for so many reasons. He had nearly lost his only son. And not only that. He had nearly killed his mate as well. And not by accident, but by his own free will. What kind of infernal creature was he? How could he have done such a thing? Where had his heart been?

He looked up for a moment, towards the young Human who had managed to unfreeze his heart, to shake his soul, the Human who had warmed his entire being and brought light and life to his mind.

But Mr. Scott was no longer there.

And it hurt.

 

Spock gasped for air with a terrible spasm and opened his eyes. He saw his Father and wanted to just jump out of… whatever he was.

“No, no,” Sarek said reassuringly. “Everything is all right, Son.”

“Le… Leo…?” he managed to ask, and Sarek just turned Spock’s head to the left, so that he could see Leonard who was in his arms, unconscious but out of danger after hours of hard work from the part of the medical teams.

“I have enhanced your Bond and attached his conscious to yours but it is you who must call for him. It is you who must bring him back, Son.”

Spock gathered enough strength to wrap his arms around Leonard and hold him closer.

He then looked at Sarek with despair – had he come to take him away?

“He is yours, Son. Yours. And as soon as you prove to me that you are able to stand up and look after him, I will leave you with him, to bring him back from the darkness.”

Spock tried to extend one trembling hand towards Leonard’s face, but Sarek stopped him with kindness.

“You must take care of yourself first, Son. He will draw strength from you. So, come on. Up.”

Spock allowed Sarek to support him and leaned heavily on him, managing to sit up.

He took a few sips of water from a glass which was again offered by Sarek, and gratefully received a tri-ox-compound from one of the doctors present. All the while, he kept looking at Leonard as if he were afraid someone could take him away.

“You will not take my Bond,” he told Sarek, refraining from formulating the sentence as a question – it was a statement almost an order.

“No, my Son. However, you are aware that it is a Kafeh bond.”

“Yes.”

“We cannot turn it into something else, into the high marriage bond. You know that.”

Spock turned towards the people present – Doctors, Jim, Pike.

“Please, leave now,” he requested on a somewhat apologetic tone.

Pike took Jim’s arm, the young Captain looked like a boneless doll with no more energy left, overwhelmed by remorse. He signalled the medical teams to follow them out.

Spock went to the bathroom by himself and washed his hands, face and hair. He will take a proper bath later, right now he had to look after his beloved.

He had to begin by doing what was right.

He walked over to Sarek, his King and Father, and knelt – or better said, he just collapsed at his feet.

Sarek straightened his posture, gently lifting Spock’s head with his hands. There was tenderness, there was unhidden love in every gesture. He did not want to uselessly torture him; but still, there were important words to be spoken.

“Please, Father, do not take my mate. Forgive me for having… having… gone against your will. I will do anything you require, to pay for my mistakes and for the shame I brought to you. I beg of you not to separate us.”

Sarek caressed his hair softly and wiped his tears away.

“I will not separate you from your mate, Spock, my Son. As soon as he is well, you will bring him to me and make the proper introductions.”

“Yes, Father.”

“Now go be with your mate. He needs you.”

Sarek helped him stand up. Now he had his own fixing to do.

Spock waited for him to leave the room; he went to Leonard. He extended one steady hand towards his face and melded with him profoundly.

“Listen to the sound of my voice and come back to me, Leonard. My Leonard.”


	21. You Do Not Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hurts to write.

The time had come.

Sarek retrieved the case containing the delicate Dilithium crystal and walked towards Engineering. He did not stop to wonder how everyone seemed to just disappear from his way, leaving the corridors empty and not a soul in sight in Engineering, except Montgomery Scott.

 **Montgomery Scott** : a name people easily forgot. Shy and fragile, not very sociable and quite obsessive about his own work, Montgomery Scott of Scotland, Earth, was the most important being of their galaxy right now – and he did not even know it.

Montgomery Scott had awoken King Sarek’s heart; he had brought him back from a darkness which was thicker than death itself. That meant King Sarek was ready to become once more what a King should be, what he himself had been, what he had forgotten how to be: a good and kind person who had the power and the means to bring and keep peace, someone who would  _make a difference_.

He owed it all to Montgomery Scott.

He saw him work near the Warp Core, with his back towards the door. He had a box of tools near him and he was working with sharp, precise gestures.

Sarek advanced towards him slowly and stopped, like an angel hugging himself with his own wings, waiting to be noticed.

Scotty felt the change of air, of energy, he dropped the heavy spanner he was holding to the ground – it made a terrible noise.

He turned, slowly.

He felt dirty – inside and out.

He made an instinctive gesture of wiping his sweaty, greasy palms on his shirt.

He started to cry.

Sarek placed the small box containing the Dilithium crystal on a console and advanced towards him slowly.

Scotty made a few steps back, out of pure instinct – not because he thought he was going to be hurt by him in the least – for all it mattered, Sarek could cut him into small pieces right now and feed him to the dogs – it would have been fine – but such a close proximity, such a huge light were difficult to endure. It was like looking straight at the Sun.

Sarek cupped his face, his palms covering the meld points, connecting with his mind strongly, with the force of a devastating storm, without asking for permission, this being was **his** to take now.

With despair, Scotty placed his own hands on his arms, holding on to him like a man drowning.

Sarek pushed him against the Warp Core and kissed him with violence, with thirst, with need – the need of someone who could no longer endure separation.

Scotty melted into the kiss, their minds already locked together in a grip so tight there was no force that could ever undo it. He could not even respond to the kiss; there was no need for that. Sarek could take everything - from this moment onto the end of time – he could take whatever he wanted from him, his life, his body, his soul, anything.

Everything.

Sarek broke the kiss; his own eyes were burning – and there were one million of unnamed feelings in those powerful, beautiful eyes.

Scotty fell on his knees.

“Mine. Forever,” Sarek said, still holding his head between his hands.

"Yes."

"Answer with the right words."

"Yes, Master."

"Stand up now. Here is your Dilithium crystal. I will wait for you to put it in place, and then you shall follow me to my quarters."

Scotty stood up, feeling a sweet shiver of happiness filling his heart, his soul - he had taunted and used and hurt the beautiful king, but now the time to... fix – had come. No matter if Sarek wanted to punish him or not, they would be together, be it for two hours only, and those two hours would fill his heart forever.

He put on a pair of gloves and took the Dilithium crystal out of the case.

"You brought this here yourself," he then realized with astonishment.

"Yes," Sarek acknowledged gravely.

"Kings shouldn't carry stuff."

"Yes, well. I wanted to help."

Scotty lifted an eye-brow and threw him another pair of gloves.

"Put these on then, if you wanna be useful."

"I beg your pardon?" Sarek inquired with a puzzled, astonished look.

Scotty smiled and removed the Dilithium case from the Engine core. 

"Don't just stand there. The Engine's not gonna fix itself and I need a hand here."

Sarek sighed, this was the day of all surprises, but now it was too late to change his mind about things, and well... it looked like Mr. Scott's shyness and feelings of adoration did not prevent him from remaining himself and snapping orders at whoever he could - even at the fearless King.

So yes, he did put the gloves on.

"Don't even begin to explain how you have no notions of Engineering, because I see ample knowledge of piloting and craft assembling in tha' huge brain of yers."

"I was not going to," Sarek said, amused now, and he began giving Scotty the tools he needed, in the right order.

"Y'know... once, Leonard had to perform an emergency open-heart surgery on one patient... and no one could assist him. And yer' son jus' melded with Len for like 5 seconds and extracted from his mind a bunch of medical stuff and then assisted him for the surgery. Gosh, it was so cool."

Sarek needed a moment to adjust to the particular language used by Scotty. 

"You are... talking to me, Mr. Scott, yes?" Sarek asked with genuine astonishment, looking around to see if there were actually any other people in the room.

"Huh? Of course I'm talkin' to you.  What, people don't usually talk to you?"

It then occurred to the King that no, people did not actually  _talk_  to him.

"I guess most people say  _Yes, Master_ , or  _Yes, Your Majesty_."

Scotty laughed serenely, whilst carefully recrystallizing the Engine matrix.

"Those, and a bunch of diplomatic garbage, I suppose."

Sarek felt like laughing too - which he did not, however - but the feeling, just the feeling in itself was absolutely wonderful.

"So, um, did you - wait, hold on to this conduit, I don't like the odd angle in which we remounted it, I just hate when stuff don't measure 90 degrees. Yeah, like that. Damn, got your robe dirty. Did you bring a spare one?"

"My assistant brought at least 50 others."

"Good heavens. Rich people and their opulence! Anyway. Why did Pike come with you? Or you with him?"

"We had the same destination."

"Engineering? I don't think so. I am quite positive that Pike is busy um... giving a lecture to Jimmy."

"I do not believe he is going to give him a lecture, even though in my opinion, the young Captain's actions ARE reckless."

"Why so?"

"Well to begin with. He ran away and refused to give me my son."

"Aren't you lucky he did that?"

"I suppose I am. Then, he endangered all your lives."

"He protected his crew. You shouldn't have fired at us. You broke my ship!"

"Um - "

"I should make you help with all the repairs!!"

"Let us not allow this discussion to escalate," Sarek suggested diplomatically.

Scotty burst out laughing again. Every now and then he just realized that he was repairing the engine core with Sarek of Vulcan and his heart filled with joy and happiness.

"I love you."

Sarek stopped, looking at him.

"You do not  _love_  me, Mr. Scott. You adore and worship me."

"Yes," Scotty replied. 

Because it was true.

He pushed the Dilithium matrix back into the Engine core and the engine started with a low _humm_ the harmonics of which Scotty knew by heart.

"Are we done?" Sarek inquired, on a calm, beautiful, royal tone.

"Yes, Master."

"Come, then."

Sarek took his hand and they walked like that on the long corridors of the Enterprise, without talking, without acknowledging anyone.

And Sarek could not wait to hold him.

 


	22. A Toy You Discard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: severe angst.

“Open your eyes, Leonard, come on.”

It took a lot of effort from Leonard’s side, barely managing to comply to the order which engaged his entire being. He opened his eyes, he looked at Spock who was straddling him between his legs in bed. He tried to remember what happened – oh good Lord. Yes. Spock had rejected him completely and Leonard, in his stupidity, had gone and slept on his doorway and at some moment he had lost consciousness.

He didn’t know how he had gotten inside the room – Spock’s room!

In bed – with him. Spock was touching him – that couldn’t be good, Spock didn’t want him, he must be so mad at him.

He wanted to move aside, to spare him of the pain of touching a being he did not want, because Vulcans did not touch what was repulsive.

“No, no,” Spock said on a reassuring and yet authoritative tone. “You are not going anywhere.”

“Don’t know how I got here, Master. I apologize. I should – “

“They brought you to me.”

“ _They_?”

“My Father and Jim and other people.”

Leonard felt he was going to have a panic attack, or a heart attack, or both. Embarrassment and shame and remorse washed over him in strong, simultaneous waves. He had made a fool of himself, he had put Jim in an unbelievably difficult position, he had harassed Spock with his presence – for sure they didn’t want to let him die and brought him to Spock so that he would bring him back from the dead or something like that. He was sure. He felt like dying on the spot!

Spock took a medical tool from the night-stand and proceeded to scan Leonard, trying his best to operate the tool just as Leonard would; he had, of course, taken the knowledge from his own mind. He wanted to see how he felt, because through the bond he got very erratic feedback which worried him through no end.

“What are you doing with that?” Leonard murmured, not understanding why Spock had a tricorder in his hand.

“I am attempting to ascertain your biological condition. Be still.”

“Why is it strictly relev– “

“Silence, Kafeh!” Spock said harshly, he himself on the verge of completely losing the control over his own emotions once more.

He threw the tricorder down and pinned Leonard down the bed.

“You Are Mine, Kafeh, or have you forgotten? You will not move if I do no allow you to, and you will not leave me and you will certainly Not Die, do you understand me? Speak!” Spock actually shook him hard, as if he wanted to make reason return into Leonard’s troubled mind.

“You threw me away, you said you did not want me anymore,” Leonard rebelled even though every fibre of his being, of his mind, his heart, their bond told him it was wrong to rebel.

“I was trying to prevent – “

“No, you wanted – “

They were both speaking at the same time.

Spock hit him hard over his face with the back of his hand – he had by now completely lost it – a gesture which brought forth many memories from the beginning, when Spock was… taming him.

Leonard froze for a moment, then got out of the bed despite Spock’s force, pushing him, effectively pushing him down and his own heart breaking with every single gesture he was doing against Spock’s will.

“What the hell do you want from me anymore? I gave you everything, everything, Spock! Fucking everything! I fucked up my career, my life, this ship, just to be with you, and you left me to die on your doorstep!”

“Leonard, you are not listening, this is not what – “

“Don’t You Even Dare,” Leonard spitted every word. “You must have changed your mind, you want your pretty toy back, huh? Daddy gave up chasing, probably Jim fixed things for you, and now you want your cute doll, huh? To play with? Got news for you. You ain’t touching me with a single fingertip, got that?”

Leonard got out of the bed, happy to see he still had his clothes on.

Spock had frozen in the middle of the room, there was red blood on his hand from when he had hit Leonard and had made his nose bleed. He was no longer able to say anything, overwhelmed by Leonard’s hatred and virulence – he could not believe it – now that they could finally be together, Leonard was… abandoning him. Leonard – who adored and worshiped him and had nearly died out of love for him – was now leaving.

Leonard proceeded to put his shoes on, stopping often to clean his nose with his sleeve. He looked haunted, exhausted, a hurt deer running from the lion through the thick forest and it broke whatever was left of Spock’s heart.

He did not try to stop Leonard from leaving. What good would that do? When someone no longer wants you, you can cut an ocean into two, nothing will unfreeze their heart.

Leonard punched a code with a trembling hand and the door opened.

He left.

Spock collapsed on his knees and started to cry with despair and with the desire of death, he had lost the one he loved, he had lost the love of his life and whatever was left – was there even something left? Nothing but darkness.

 

Leonard managed to reach his own quarters and lock himself there. He needed to sleep first, and them he will figure out a way to get off this ship. He will resign, return to Earth and when he feels better, he’ll find some regular job in a hospital.

As for the bond, well, to hell with it. He had learnt that the stupid Kafeh bond cannot be destroyed but it can be kept dark and low, which is pure torture for a Vulcan. DAMN HIM!

You cannot, you just cannot treat a Human being as if they were a toy you discard when no longer needed, or when you got bored. Forever! Fucking ha! Forever. _I will love you forever, Leonard_ , yeah right. He never wanted to see a Vulcan for as long as he lived. He had had more than enough. He’d be damned if he allowed him to just –

He felt sick all of a sudden and he felt grateful for that at the same time. He took a hypospray from his locker, he pressed it onto his own neck and lay on the bed. He needed to rest now.

 

Chris Pike had taken a devastated Jim Kirk to Medical Bay to procure a calming hypo and another one with a tri-ox-compound because Mr. Blue-Eyes hadn’t eaten, nor drunk anything in more that 48 hours. Whilst dragging him along the corridors, Pike used Jim’s communicator to dispatch various orders to left and right, making sure permanency was ensured on the Bridge by officers which were not emotionally compromised, inquiring if the Warp Core was operational and coagulating the ship operations a bit, giving everyone something to do while they waited.

They needed to wait. There was a major crisis undergoing on the ship and Spock and Leonard needed time to go through it and fix it.

Little did he knew there was no fixing.

He had Jim sit down on the sofa and sat near him.

“I would like for you to stop crying. This does not become you.”

“Oh, what do you know.”

“I know nearly everything of importance,” Chris said simply.

“Like what?”

“Like, Spock and Leonard are in love with each other and now they must come to terms with what happened. Spock has to formally introduce Leonard to Sarek, as his mate; that will allow Sarek the possibility to bring some modifications to their bond. To lift it higher.”

“He can do that?” Jim inquired wiping the tears off his beautiful eyes.

“Yes. He can do anything.”

“You’ve become buddies.”

“ _Buddies_?” Chris smiled. “One does not become _buddies_ with Sarek of Vulcan.”

“Lovers, then?”

“Not in the least.”

“Why not?”

“First, he was not interested. Second, I was not interested.”

“You weren’t?”

“No. And if you have any more interesting questions regarding my personal life, I suggest you wait until we reach Earth, and there I will be able to elucidate all the mysteries which haunt you.”

“When we reach Earth, you’ll Court Martial me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You won’t? I disobeyed a direct order from you and sort-of stolen the Enterprise and ran away, and then got into serious trouble with the Vulcan king and fucked everything up.”

“That is a very accurate description of your faults. However, there is no recording of your actions.”

“You deleted the recordings of our discussions??” Jim asked, astonished.

“I did not record them in the first place.”

Jim swallowed hard. Why was Pike being so kind, he did not deserve it. He had been using this kind man to get away with his reckless actions for far too long.

“I promise I won’t do it again,” he said, looking downwards and feeling stupid and childish but… there was something about Christopher Pike, the way he always helped, always forgave him, he always gave him a second chance, and a third chance, and on, and on… and he never changed. But this time he had to change. He had to begin following some rules.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Yes,” Chris said simply.

“Sorry. Sorrysorry. I should… go to the Bridge…”

“You really should not, and will not. You will stay here and follow orders, for once in your life.”

“Whose orders?”

“Is there anyone else in the room?” Pike rolled his eyes.

“Yours?”

“Mine.”

It was the strangest of dialogues and Jim had the distinct impression that deeper meanings were eluding him, but then again, he knew Chris Pike very well and there was no way in hell he would leave the professional tone aside in order to explore those… deeper meanings, or at least to clarify them.

“Okay,” Jim said mildly.

“Okay. First, you need a shower, also change out of the uniform because you are not leaving this room until we reach Earth.”

“Then?”

“Then you’ll eat something and then you’ll tell me everything that happened on this bloody ship from the moment you contacted me, until now.”

Jim wanted to protest because he hated one someone behaved like a Mother-Hen, and told him to shower and eat, he wasn’t a damn baby, but it Chris did not look as if he encouraged any more disobedience, not even to his very… domestic orders. After all, Pike had the higher rank now and he could give all the orders he wanted.

If only he knew how the thought filled Jim’s soul with butterflies…


	23. Good Bye, My Love, My Ashayam!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Severe angst, you have been warned.  
> There will be a happy ending as promised. At least, in stories there is the possibility of a happy ending!  
> There is one more chapter until the end.  
> Leave a word if you heart has ever been wounded beyond repair.

Overwhelmed with sorrow, Spock managed to take a shower and dress in clean clothes. He needed to see his Father at once, because things were very, very wrong and he needed to do something. Before going to Sarek, though, he walked to Leonard’s door and stopped. How he wished he could override the door and go in!! But he knew they were millimetres away from disaster and he had to be very careful. Little, very little separated him – _them_ – from death. He caressed the metallic door for a moment – a tiny, insignificant gesture that made him feel as if he was actually… caressing Leonard, or at least something he touched.

He identified the quarters were his Father was and walked there.

He chimed.

The door opened and Spock had one of the greatest surprises of his life when his co-worker, Mr. Montgomery Scott, opened the door.

“Mr. Spock, come on in,” the young Engineer said calmly. “Your Father is waiting for you.”

Spock perceived the strong Bond connecting Scotty and Sarek as soon as he took a step inside the room. How had that happened? How had it even been possible for the almighty Sarek to pick a Human as his mate, a Human who seemed so different from him! And when had the Bond formed? And why had Sarek accepted it and how did they function, how would they exist together? A King and a Starship Engineer…

“Stop torturing yourself, Son,” Sarek said with kindness, coming to welcome him and taking his hands, to measure his emotional temperature but also to send reassuring feelings through the touch. “And do me the honour of allowing me to introduce you my bondmate, Mr. Montgomery Scott.”

Spock blinked a few times, then reason returned to him and he structured his thoughts quickly. Introducing the loved one to another member of the Family was for any Vulcan a very special moment and a lot depended on it.

“Mr. Scott. Let me assure you that the honour is all mine. I welcome you to our family and wish you joy and happiness with your mate. May each day of your lives be filled with love and understanding.”

Scotty just came and embraced him tightly, even though they had not actually been close – there had been no time to form a friendship of any sort and Spock felt regretful for it.

“I wish you would be as happy as I am,” Scotty murmured to Spock’s ear.

Grief returned to Spock’s mind immediately, upon remembering what had happened hours ago.

“What is it, Son? What brings you to us?” Sarek inquired.

 _Us._ How beautiful that sounded.

Spock knelt in front of Sarek, or rather he collapsed at his feet, exhausted by the everlasting sorrow.

“Please, Father. Look and see for yourself.”

Worried now, Sarek aligned his fingers on his son’s face, in order to look at the recent memories. It was simply faster this way.

He frowned.

“So much useless pain,” he whispered. “And it is all because of me, Son. I am the cause of all this. Forgive me.”

“Do not assume all responsibility, Father, for you do not have to. I have made grave mistakes as well. I do not know what to do.”

“You have to be strong and brave, my son. Come, let us go see Leonard.”

“He is sleeping.”

“You do not know him very well, Son, do you now? He is not sleeping. He has – as Humans say – knocked himself off with some medicine. Nothing which a simple meld cannot fix.”

“Yes, Father,” Spock said mildly, standing up and following him.

“Shall I come too?” Scotty inquired.

“Yes, Mr. Scott,” Sarek replied. A witness shall be needed for what follows.”

“Father,” Spock asked as they were walking towards Leonard’s quarters. “What are your intentions? Are you going to hurt him?”

“It may temporarily hurt, but it always does so when a wound is cleaned.”

Spock braced himself as Scotty was hacking into Leonard’s door console to unlock it.

Leonard was profoundly asleep, seemingly. But Sarek and Spock knew this was no natural sleep. Leonard had just wanted to plunge into a thick and protective darkness, to find refuge from all pain. Sarek knew, now, that this was not the right way to deal with pain. Pain had to be confronted, demons had to be fought and exorcised. Heartache and faults were to be cleared through strong will and a sincere desire to make things right. 

But the broken Human he had in front of him didn't know how; he had lost the way. He had to be helped. Even if it would hurt again and again.

Sarek extended his hand towards Leonard's cheek.

"No," Spock stopped him. 

Sarek turned to look at his son; the shadow of a smile lingered on his lips; Spock was starting to behave the way any Vulcan would in the proximity of his chosen mate. Spock was out of the shadows.

"No?"

"No. Please do not touch him. I will wake him."

Sarek stepped aside.

Spock approached Leonard and touched his face with a precise gesture - how he knew the meld points by heart!

"Wake up, Leonard, open your eyes, look at me," he ordered, with strong commanding undertones.

Leonard's consciousness reacted as it usually did upon the call of its rightful owner. He struggled to open his eyes once more and looked at Spock. It was all a blur, but he could feel his hand on his cheek and slowly-slowly the fog which had engulfed his mind - dissipated. He needed a few good minutes to be able to sit up; he was feeling nauseous but it was to be expected.

"What do you –"

"Silence, Kafeh, get out of the bed and kneel."

"I will not and we will not start this again!"

"You will do so immediately, Leonard," Spock repeated, making the bond twist painfully in his mind, echoing back painful memories from the beginning of their relationship, when at every step Leonard feared that Spock would abandon him and torture Jim instead. The threat, as a possibility, was also reflected into Leonard's mind; Spock had nothing more to lose now and he would do anything to acquire his submission... once more.

Spock effectively took his arm and threw him on the floor, where Leonard landed unceremoniously and incapable of standing despite his willing to do so. The bastard!!! The bastard, the stupid jerk!

Sarek came closer.

"Look at me, Leonard McCoy, son of David," the King spoke.

The order had been given on such a tone, and it was so overwhelming at all levels, that Leonard had no choice but to look up.

"You, Leonard McCoy, are the bearer of a Vulcan Kafeh Bond. Together with my Son, you have decided to keep this Bond forever, and..."

"NO! I do not wish –"

"Do not interrupt me, Kafeh, I am your King and this is your Master," Sarek prevented him from continuing. "I hereby acknowledge and accept your Bond and allow it to grow naturally. I grant my Son life and death privileges over you. He owns you in body, mind and soul and I shall never interfere, unless you choose to disobey him and he brings the matter upon me for resolution. Son, log your relationship in the ship's computer database."

Spock wasn't expecting that, but he had no visible hesitation. He placed his hand on a console for identification.

"Computer, authenticate user, Commander Spock, son of Sarek, King of Vulcan. Log relationship: Vulcan Kafeh Bond with Doctor Leonard McCoy."

"Relationship status changed," the Computer acknowledged without inquiring whether Leonard accepted, because since a Kafeh Bond had been given, it had been with his consent and a re-acknowledgement of that consent was therefore not necessary.

It broke Scotty's heart to see his friend so… shattered, but he knew that there was love within, and there was stubbornness all around that warm feeling, useless walls lifted to prevent light from getting in. But no darkness lasted forever.

"Come, Mr. Scott," Sarek said, offering his arm to him. "Let us leave these people tend to their wounded souls."

Spock lifted Leonard's chin with one finger, shivering upon seeing so much hatred in his eyes.

“Jim has lost his mind upon believing he killed us both. Admiral Pike has personally come to look after him. My Father left our planet and came to help us. The Enterprise has been almost destroyed. Jim will face Court Martial for having helped me. Your assistant was unable to perform the surgeries you had scheduled and the patients are in critical condition. I WILL NOT let you go, Kafeh. You will stop disobeying me, you will see to the duties I assign you and together we will fix everything we have done to these people and to this ship. We will pull ourselves together. Am I Understood, Kafeh?”

“My name is Leonard,” he managed to speak, with great difficulty.

Spock looked deeply into his eyes.

“Yes. Your name is Leonard and you are **mine**.”

Duty, that was all Leonard understood. That was it. They had to fix whatever the hell they had done; because of them – _them –_ everyone around them had been affected. The sense of duty awoke in Leonard quite soon. He had been in this position before. He had been forced into a relationship of submission with Spock; it was not something new; and anyway, there was no trace of tenderness left in Spock, he did not _want_ him anymore.

“Here are your instructions, Leonard. You will stand up and walk with me to our room, which is not this one. There you will shower and change into a clean uniform. Together we shall go see what the situation is on the Bridge and in Medical Bay. We shall see if the Captain needs us. You will obey me and address me correctly, no matter who is present.”

“What happens if I don’t?” Leonard inquired, with taunting eyes.

“People die,” Spock said simply. He was referring to himself, because there was no way life could continue without Leonard; but Leonard understood his affirmation as a threat towards the people on the ship.

Leonard felt helpless. If Christopher Pike brought Sarek here himself, in order to acknowledge their Bond, then he approved of what was just happening. He was most certainly well-aware of the fact that Leonard McCoy was Spock’s property. He had nothing against and he would not interfere.

“Have you understood your instructions and are you going to follow them, Leonard?” Spock asked on the same strict tone, because he Needed To Hear The Right Words.

“Yes, Commander, certainly,” Leonard answered with the same taunting eyes.

Once more, Spock hit him hard over his face.

“Again, Leonard. Until you get it right. I am not playing with our lives here.”

Leonard felt tears rolling down on his cheeks. His heart started to ache strongly once more, because he did not want to say these words, even if he knew he had to. Spock did not deserve to hear them.

“I am listening, Leonard, and you are trying my patience hard.”

“Yes, Master,” he finally managed. It was unavoidable.

The Bond, burning low and dirty in their minds, cleared and brightened as soon as the words were spoken. Leonard felt as if a heavy rock which had been pressing over his chest so far – a tomb stone perhaps – had just been removed. Spock felt life was returning into him.

“See, Leonard?” he said with deep sorrow. “There may no longer be love, but submission is good for the soul and if this is the only thing I shall ever have from you, then have no worries – I will maintain it at a very high level, whether you agree or not.”

Leonard decided not to comment. He had this distinct impression that they were not talking about things _properly_ , that there were deeper meanings which they could not grasp.

Spock proceeded towards their room, knowing Leonard would follow. He sensed his presence two steps behind. He also sensed his hatred through the Bond. And it broke him, for Leonard was his entire life, and Leonard stayed with him out of a sense of duty and because he was forced to. Could he endure such a life? Could he even call it ‘life’?

They arrived at their room.

Mechanically, Leonard started to accomplish Spock’s orders.

“Leonard…”

“Master?”

“I am… destroying you.”

Leonard was just finishing dressing.

“You have already destroyed me.”

Spock looked out the window, towards the stars.

“Go, Leonard. Be free of me.”

“But you said – “

“I know what I said. But this is not working and I cannot see such hatred in your eyes, such pain. I cannot endure seeing you so unhappy, when I saw the bright, beautiful face of Love embodied, when I saw your eyes shining brightly when you used to meet me on the corridors of our ship. I cannot endure to force you into something you do not want, even if minutes ago I thought this was a good solution, that you would eventually give in to me, somehow.” Spock covered his face with his palms. Life was ending; he knew it. “Go, Leonard, my love, go and fix your own life if you can, without me. Be free of me; I will release the Bond from my end and it will wither in time. I will inform my Father and please do not worry. I will not do anything to Jim, nor to any of our crewmen. I wanted to leave in the first place because I wanted to protect them, you and Jim and everyone, from the wrath of my Father, who eventually proved to be wiser than me. Therefore go, my love, Leonard, my beloved. Go now. Good bye, my love, my ashayam.”


	24. A Love Worth Dying For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter and a resolution for all characters

He had spoken those words, the hardest in his entire life, without looking at Leonard - he just did not have the strength to look at him and see him leave. It was too much. He had said everything. He had let Leonard go. He was sure Leonard would leave.

He continued to stare in the distance, out the window, at the stars.

Suddenly, he felt a soft touch on his fingers.

He turned around and his heart nearly stopped when he saw Leonard at his feet, on his knees, taking his hand with a gentle, almost shy gesture. He did not understand why Leonard was still here – he had offered him the chance to leave. Why wasn't he leaving?

"What are you doing...?" he whispered, because he thought he was, perhaps, dreaming.

"I have one request, Master, please," Leonard said, his voice choked with emotion and barely containing his tears.

"I... am listening," Spock said with equal emotion and... fear, yes, he feared hearing what Leonard was going to say next, because words could actually kill now.

"I just want us to go through the duties you assigned, according to the plan. Go to the Bridge, to Medbay, see Jim and check if there are any ship operations we can assist with."

Spock looked at him without speaking for a few moments. He felt as if a knife had been placed upon his heart, very sharp but not tearing the flesh apart yet - just waiting. His own life was in  _stand-by_.

"I will need a new shirt," he managed to finally utter and he almost did not recognize his own voice.

"I'll get you one from the locker, may I stand up?"

"You may."

The calm and familiar dialogue momentarily calmed both of them. This is how life was meant to be, their life; they knew it deep inside, but that knowledge was stained with hatred and rejection and humiliation and many other feelings no one should feel when there is love deep within.

Leonard stood up and went to the locker; he pulled out a blue shirt and placed it on the bed. While Spock was dressing, he placed the dirty shirt in the laundry basket. All those actions, small and insignificant, which they would not normally contemplate, were strong hooks reattaching both of them to life. Details - the small details of life. They mattered.

Leonard opened the door and stepped aside so that Spock could go out first, according to the bond-protocol they had established long ago.

Together, they went to the Bridge without speaking. A few pairs of eyes turned to look at them and everyone seemed joyful and relieved to see them... together! Lieutenant Sulu stood up and gave a full report of operations to Spock, while Leonard also listened from his usual place on the Bridge.

“Thank you, Lieutenant. Please remain in command for now, as I need to also check on the Engineering department and Doctor McCoy needs to assess the situation in the Medical Bay. I congratulate you for the hard work you have done in our absence!”

People smiled listening to the long, dull but familiar sentence uttered by Spock – it was his usual manner of speaking, cringingly polite, with an impeccable phrasing, as if spoken by an android. Even Leonard smiled for a brief moment, remembering those times when he thought of Spock as of a greenblooded computer.

Perhaps there was a small chance, very small, for them to recover their lost harmony. He would try his best – that was for sure! He would not give up – not now.

He followed Spock to Engineering. Strange how they could not look at each other and Leonard remained behind him in the Turbolift, gazing at his fingers but not daring to touch them. They were… existing together; that had to be enough for now.

Leonard took a deep breath upon arriving in Engineering. It was so strange to be here. Spock listened to a report given by Engineer Olsen who was replacing Mr. Scott. Olsen had repairs under control and Scotty’s assistant, Keenser, was jumping on and off conduits to verify their temperature, which was strange, but helpful. Spock gazed at the green creature for a moment.

“His biology is particular. Is he not in any danger whilst adopting this manner of locomotion between the conduits? Perhaps a cord could be attached to his waist, in case he loses balance.”

Leonard wanted to just embrace him, because no one had ever given a second thought – or a second look for that matter – to Keenser, except Scotty, who treated him (it?) as his personal and most trustworthy assistant.

“Keenser is a descendant of _Quetzalcoatlus northropi_ , a flying predator indigenous of Late Cretaceous era on Earth and of current era on Velara. He has extensive flying abilities although he does not use them. Lack of practice, I keep telling him. He will not hurt himself, do not worry.”

It was Spock’s turn to look at Leonard with unhidden admiration – he should not forget that Leonard was one of the most brilliant minds in the entire quadrant and an unmatched scientist, with extensive knowledge upon a variety of subjects. His mind… his vast, beautiful mind, oh… how he longed to meld and be one with that mind!!

He looked downwards. He had hurt Leonard in so many ways.

Was there any possibility to… repair?

How does one repair bridges which are almost broken?

He took his hand for a moment, he felt he would die unless he touched him. Leonard seemed to melt upon the touch and came closer to him, looking at him with eyes full of hope.

“Master?” he murmured softly – and there was love and despair and fear in that murmur.

“We must now go to Medical Bay as planned,” Spock managed to say. Because this had been Leonard’s request – to go on with their duties as he himself had uttered them. Duty was a good thing; it kept your mind on the track. It made you function when you could barely drag yourself through existence.

They went to the Medical Bay and this time Spock stepped aside and allowed Leonard to enter first – because Leonard was in charge there, and Spock wanted him to know he respected his role and function aboard the ship. Leonard was not a mere _Kafeh_ – a slave, as his Father had said once – Leonard was the Chief Medical Officer of the best ship Starfleet had – Leonard was so –

As the doors of the Medical Bay closed behind them, people started to applaud. Leonard’s team was happy to see their “boss” back, people came around him but refrained from touching him, out of respect for the Vulcan who was supervising the scene. They knew – or had been told by someone who meant well – that Vulcans did not like their mates touched by other hands.

Leonard immediately frowned upon listening to a report which seemed a bit shabby. It was usual for him to frown and yell complex orders at each and every one of his assistants. He was about to do so, but he turned for a moment towards Spock.

“I need a full tour here, if you have the patience to wait for me, or even join me, Master.”

There he went again, calling him _Master_ when he should have called him _Commander_ and not caring in the least, and everyone smiling, and Spock’s heart filling with happiness once more.

“I am coming with you, Leonard,” he replied, even though it was unlike him to answer in such a manner; in other circumstances, he would have said something like _Please proceed, Doctor_ or any other formal thing, cold and impersonal; but right now, he wanted to say exactly what he felt and what he wanted to do. He wanted to go with Leonard. Everywhere. For every single moment of his remaining life.

“Okay,” Leonard said after a few moments of gazing into his eyes. “Let’s see, oh my God, Richie, how the hell did you develop bronchitis, man? On a Starship? And what did they administer to you, let me see…”

For the next three hours, Spock silently followed Leonard around, stopping with him near every patient and watching his mate work. His mate. This was his mate, for the love of all that was sacred and good and kind in the universe.

 

Leonard was washing his hands in the bathroom of the Medical Bay.

“Leonard?”

“Here, Master,” the answer came, on a trembling voice.

“Have you finished?”

“Yes, I was just…” Leonard said, wiping his hands dry on a paper towel.

“Come.”

Leonard swallowed hard to conceal his emotion.

“Where are we – what are we doing now?”

“We are going home. Mr. Sulu advised that our ETA to Earth is 7 Standard hours. We shall rest.”

Leonard followed him silently, almost dragging his feet. He was beyond tired but the memories of their beautiful calm evenings, from _back then_ , when they were… happy, made him tremble. How would this evening be?

Spock walked slowly to their cabin. It seemed he himself feared, somehow, to remain alone with him once more, he feared the hurtful words which could be spoken, the heartache that could return. He feared that their newly-found harmony, raw and very fragile, would shatter into pieces at any moment. A whisper was all it took.

They were at the door and Spock wanted to place his own hand on the scanner to open it. But Leonard softly touched his arm, stopping him.

Spock lifted his head to see Leonard’s eyes – Leonard did not want to come in?

“Allow me, Master,” Leonard said, simply. And then, like in the beautiful days of the past, Leonard punched his own access code which opened every door – and opened the door for Spock, stepping aside with an elegant move.

Leonard opening the door for him – a gesture which made Spock feel the absolute king of the universe. Leonard –

He went to the bathroom to take a shower, as he would usually do in the evenings, using cold water only, like all Vulcans. He lingered a while in the shower-cabin even though his entire being was just screaming to just go and reunite with his mate – it was a means of self-punishment, delaying the revelation of something beautiful because you simply did not deserve to experience, contemplate and enjoy it. Spock did not deserve Leonard.

He wiped himself dry and put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He did not feel like wearing a robe, or perhaps he just wanted to wear the same kind of clothes as Leonard did.

When he came back to the room, Leonard was preparing dinner.

“Go wash and change. I will finish dinner preparations,” Spock said on his calmly-commanding tone – no sharp accents, just confidence and self-control.

Leonard obeyed without a word – Spock felt too – there was almost no need for words anymore.

They ate silently, none of them felt hungry but each of them knew that the other one would be upset in case of not eating. Yoghurt, a few apple slices, bread – reminders of how pure and simple and beautiful and healthy life could be when you did not want things that were beyond your reach and when you learnt to appreciate… the beauty in front of your eyes.

He lay on the bed, leaning on a few pillows while Leonard was putting everything away. He was meticulous and even slower than usual, perhaps because he was tired, perhaps because he did not know what to do next, and Spock did not know either.

Leonard finished and went to wash his hands and Spock’s heart trembled again, as every time he saw him leave the room for some reason or another. But Leonard returned, he would always return… he always did!

Leonard came near him and knelt by the bed, not a gesture of submission but one of closeness, he wanted to be near him, closer, closer…

Spock could no longer withstand the tension, the need of him, the burning desire to meld with him, to be one with him, to reunite with his rightful, beloved, beautiful lover and Kafeh and mate and everythingeverythingeverything! He turned towards him and wrapped one arm around his neck and kissed him with hunger, and Leonard kissed back almost instantly, with equal heartache, love, longing and undying hope.

Spock pulled him on the bed and rolled over him and he could effectively feel his own soul flourishing, exploding with joy and happiness and everything that was good, noble and sacred in the universe. Leonard had abandoned to him once more, he had surrendered to his demanding kisses and caresses in a matter of seconds. Leonard was his – for the love of all Gods, Leonard Was His!

“Leonard…”

“Whatever you want, Spock, Master, my Love.”

“I do not want, Leonard – I do not want to be apart from you even for a single second – I cannot even endure for you to go into the bathroom – I cannot be without you – forgive me, Leonard, my love, my ashayam, forgive me…” he murmured, kissing his teary eyes, his cheeks, each of the meld points, his lips. “Leonard, parted from me and never parted. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Then there were tears – and words of love, and Spock undressed him with trembling hands. The hours flew by and their bodies remained joined in a fierce embrace; it was as if the entire world unwound and healed. At last.

 

“Are you up?” Chris asked, looking at Jim who was stretching on the couch and struggling to open his eyes.

“Almost.”

Chris could not help but smile. He had watched over him the entire night while Jim had had a high fever, had been delirious, had felt nauseous, had thrown up and had lost consciousness and started all over. Chris knew all “stages” of Jim Kirk and knew how to deal with them, moreover. He knew Jim… inside out. He had been there to pick him up from a certain pub floor he was bleeding all over; he had ben there to witness his success, his downfall. He had been there to wipe his tears away in sorrow and shake his hand in joy. He had always been there.

“You are here,” Jim murmured.

“Always. Come on, up. Shower, and then a clean uniform. In twenty minutes, we arrive at the International Space Station and I want you to conduct a manual docking.”

“A-what? Why? We have a computer capable of doing that.”

“Because I want to see you doing it.”

“Ffffffff.”

Jim jumped out of the bed and went straight to the shower, his brain abruptly activating and proceeding to calculate velocity and directions. It was complicated and dangerous and he hated Pike right now.

“All senior officers, report to the Bridge,” the deep, beautiful voice of Christopher Pike resounded throughout the ship’s audio system.

It did not take long for everyone to gather on the Bridge, and even Sarek joined them, wearing a splendid, white robe with the square figures of his House embroidered in bright green.

Chris was the last to come to the Bridge – Jim was already pacing up and down.

“Gentlemen, I hope you all had a good rest,” he said, looking at each couple. Sarek was splendid and majestuous like an archangel; shy, but with burning, bright eyes, Scotty was standing one step behind him. Leonard and Spock were holding hands, tightly, Leonard leaning against Spock with his entire body. Chris took a deep breath. It was important; it had finally happened; they had reached a balance. Thank all Gods, existent and non-existent, for that.

“Good morning, Captains Pike and Kirk,” Spock said – he seemed to be the only person capable of uttering normal words.

“We are approaching Earth. Mr. Kirk will conduct a manual docking, no automation, and we shall not intervene. I want complete silence. Mr. Kirk, you have the helm.”

“Thank you, Captain Pike. With your permission, I want my First Officer, Mr. Spock, to sit down at the helm console and input the parameters I shall dictate.”

“Permission granted,” Chris said calmly; he was curious to see these two work together.

“Velocity at one half meter per second,” Jim said, standing straight in the middle of the Bridge and looking at the approaching docking port of the International Space Station. His mind was on fast forward and he trusted Spock would input the instructions exactly as ordered.

“Yes, Captain,” Spock replied calmly.

“Adjust pitch angle negative three degrees.”

However Jim was able to determine that such a discrete rotation angle was necessary, it was beyond Chris’ ability to comprehend. Even Spock turned to look at his Captain and friend, with unhidden admiration.

“Thrusters to station-keeping,” Jim continued, unfazed. “All hands, prepare for docking.”

If any portion of the ship’s hull hit the delicate armature of the docking port, it would have meant the destruction of half of the International Space Station. That was why automation was used. That was why computers existed. But as Chris was watching Jim conduct the delicate process, he had one more confirmation that no computer could ever compete with the tremendous force of the human mind. Artificial intelligence? Meet James Kirk and then we’ll talk.

“All velocity zero,” Jim gave the final order. “Inertia shall do the rest.”

The docking was impeccable, smooth and precise to the last millimetre and the entire experiment resulted in exclamations of admiration and congratulations addressed to Jim and… it filled Chris’ heart with joy once more.

“All personnel are free until further orders,” Chris issued the last instructions. “Your Majesty King Sarek, where will you be staying?”

“I will be at the Embassy,” the Vulcan replied. “Scotty, Spock and Leonard will be with me. Allow me to extend an invitation for dinner, for you and James.”

“For… me _and_ James?”

Sarek smiled softly; he took his family and headed towards the shuttle bay. Chris turned towards Jim, but Jim was no longer there.

 

This mission was finally over. He had met Spock of Vulcan, son of the great king Sarek. And Spock of Vulcan had chosen a Kafeh, because he needed a close bond of submission with another being, in order to survive. That was how Vulcans were. And then, Spock had fallen in love with his Kafeh, Leonard McCoy. And it was reciprocal. But it was wrong, and Sarek, the great King of Vulcan, had thought that his son had stepped over the sacred laws and customs of their culture by sleeping with his Kafeh. He had come to punish his wayward son.

Jim did his best to protect him, but he had almost gotten everyone aboard the ship killed. Sarek of Vulcan caught up with them and would have torn them apart – and then a miracle happened – even though miracles did not actually exist. Sarek of Vulcan himself, the great, beautiful, bright and cruel king had fallen in love at first sight with his Chief Engineer, a fragile, insignificant human with a dirty uniform and greasy hands and the brain of Newton.

Even though there were no more obstacles for their love to flourish, Spock had suddenly decided to give Leonard up, led by a stupid, useless sense of honour – the needs of the many (his crewmembers which were suffering because of his actions) outweighed the needs of the few. Things had gone very wrong from there, for everyone. Luckily, his angel since forever – Chris Pike had come, bringing the splendid King along, to fix the heartache and pain.

It was finally alright.

Yeah… alright, Jim thought, continuing to scribble Chris’ name with the digitizer pen all over the padd on which he was supposed to write his report, an activity he had decided to undergo in a bar. He had been doing that for the past three hours.

“Finished that report?” Chris asked calmly, sitting down on the barstool near Jim.

He always had to do that!! Jim thought, his heart pounding like crazy and hiding the padd to his chest, like a child caught cheating during a math test.

“No, I was just starting.”

“It sure takes you a while.”

“Just… go away and leave me alone! I am off-duty!”

“If you are going to have a bad temper-tantrum, I am not having any of it.”

“Listen…”

Chris stood up, he had not come to him in order to fight. He turned around and left towards the door and it gave Jim shivers – feeling that if Chris left now, he would perhaps lose him forever.

He went after him.

“Chris. Chris. Chris. I am sorry.”

Chris stopped, as if waiting for him – a silent invitation? Jim was not sure. But Chris extended one hand towards him, and Jim took it hesitatingly, knowing he should really not do this, that Chris did not love him _that way_ , that he only saw a bratty teenager in him.

Chris stopped a taxi and signalled Jim to get on the back seat, whilst he himself got in the front. He communicated the driver an address and the car headed into that direction.

There was a sort-of eerie silence; Chris said nothing during the entire trip, and neither did Jim, he just continued to hold the padd to his chest, tightly, as if it was the only buoy separating him from the abyss.

Eventually, they reached a destination and Chris got out, coming to the back and opening the door for Jim and effectively taking his arm to help him get out, or perhaps to ensure that Jim won’t start running away.

Because Chris had had enough of that running away business.

He took Jim inside his house. He removed his own jacket and then turned towards Jim, he could almost see him tremble with emotion and fear and other unspoken feelings.

He took the padd out of Jim’s hand and deposed it on a small table.

He made a gesture of removing Jim’s jacket since Jim seemed to have just paralyzed.

Instead of actually doing so, he pulled him closer; he cupped his head between his hands and kissed him. And then he kissed him again, leaving him time to react – which Jim did as soon he came back to his senses because _Oh my God, Chris was kissing him!!!_

The rest was a blur. Jim did not know how exactly they managed to get to bed and how Chris undressed him and took him roughly, with unrestrained passion and want which had been kept under guard for much too long.

“Something hurts?” Chris murmured to his ear when they were both capable to utter words again, but still keeping Jim engaged, his hips undulating slowly and his strong arms tight around his waist.

“Dunno. Doesn’t matter. Chris…”

“Yes, James.”

“I… love you, Chris. I love you.”

“I know.” Chris paused, to let the information sink, but also to slightly shift his body to better see Jim’s eyes. “I love you too. You are everything I ever wanted. And now that I have you, there is no way I am ever going to let you go. Is that clear?”

“Yes. Yes. God, yes.”

“Before you ask how I knew, let me just tell you that your padd is interfaced with my personal console.”

“Whaaaa?” Jim managed to exclaim and then he just started to laugh and lifted his head to kiss him fiercely; the time of claiming had passed; Chris had taken what had been his from the very beginning. And now it was time for joy and laughter and love-making.

 

 

Chris and Jim arrived at the Vulcan Embassy. The building had been adorned with special flags and there were flowers everywhere – a sign that the King was temporarily residing there. Shy, Jim let go of Chris’ hand. He thought that perhaps did not want to make their relationship known just yet, or perhaps not at all, they had not discussed, Jim did not know where he stood.

Chris turned towards him lifting an eye-brow and took his hand again.

“Are you ashamed of being seen with me?”

“Huh? NO! Gosh, how can you even –“

“I have logged our relationship _before_ coming after you in that bar.”

“You what?”

Chris smiled. To say he adored Jim it would have been an understatement.

“Were you so damn sure that I would… just… come with you?”

“Yes,” Chris replied calmly.

“How?”

“Because I know you, I have known you for a lifetime, I know absolutely everything about you.”

“That is…”

“Children, please come and argue inside. There are reporters everywhere,” Sarek said from behind them.

Chris started to laugh and Jim blushed and they went inside, where they found Scotty sitting on a floor with some schematics in front of him, Leonard and Spock on a couch holding hands; Sarek’s attendants were ready to serve a rich dinner. With elegant gestures, Sarek invited all of them to sit down.

Leonard realized it was for the first time in his entire life when he was actually able to feel happiness. Spock’s hand into his; their minds, their hearts forever joined through a bond which nothing could undo; the kind and beautiful king Sarek, now merciful and good and not vengeful and cruel; Scotty, oh gosh! Scotty!! – Montgomery Scott drawing engine schematics at the King’s feet; Christopher Pike holding the hand of James Tiberius Kirk, at long last.

“Did you truly despise me, Leonard, that first time you saw me?”

“Despise you? No, Master, my love; I loved you from day one, when you attached hooks into my mind and took me along. Sometimes, we confuse love for hatred and indifference for interest; but my heart has been yours, my mind has yearned to serve you, my heart started beating for you only from that very first moment. And it will remain so until forever, for I live for you and see only you.”

It was a love that would last forever, despite all hardships and heartache and tears. It was a love worth fighting for; a love worth dying for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for having read this story.  
> You can reach me on my new website:  
> https://anjoangrey.wordpress.com/  
> or on Facebook:  
> https://www.facebook.com/AnJoan-Grey-1396337104020854/

**Author's Note:**

> Website::  
> https://anjoangrey.wordpress.com/
> 
> Facebook::  
> https://www.facebook.com/AnJoan-Grey-1396337104020854/


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